First Page to my Blog !!

I have decided to start blogging my journey to self love!  I always wanted to turn my journals into a book, even years ago, but did not because each time I tried, everything I read was too painful.  So, now that I am on a more positive journey, one of self love, I have decided to blog it all, instead of writing it all in a journal, because then at least it's already typed! I am hoping this will be a beautiful ride, and I will learn to love and accept myself for who I am, along with the mistakes I have made, and pain I feel all the time.  I am working on doing things that I love to do, things that make me feel happy, and lighthearted.  I wish I had more people around me to laugh with, there is nothing like laughing, and my family isn't very funny at all. I going to focus on myself now, like everyone is telling me to do because my children are grown and will be moving out some day.  That is why I am on this quest, on of loving myself.  What does that mean to you?  Does it mean working a job you hate, just to survive?  I don't think so.  Luckily I have always focused on work that I was passionate about, they gym, a trainer, a children's yoga instructor, gymnastics teacher, and a nanny.  But, I know I am here to give so much more, and do so much more hear on this earth.  So, let's see what happens.

So much happens when the seasons change her in New Jersey, I think all of us change to some degree.  A new time, a new season, and for some reason I get sad.  Sad to put my summer sandals and flip flops away!! I am a true summer bum, don't like to work in the summer, and just want to lay around in the sun and shade and relax.  And also the time to go, run, fly, be physical, enjoy the water and good friends and family.  I love to socialize in the summer, and be with great people.  My family all use to be very close, and now some of my brothers are divorced, and we don't talk or socialize much, even though I have tried.  Being raised with six brothers did not allow me the opportunity of having my sisters as life long friends, and my best friends were my sister in laws on my husbands side, who after the divorce did not talk to me.  We were best friends, all were stay at home mothers, and got together almost every day with our children.  I was blessed in that regard and loved those times with our children, and helping raise my nieces and nephews.
                                  
 Now, I don't get to see them and it is very sad for me still, especially on a holiday when my children are going there and I am no longer part of that life that I had for 25 years, my family, my friends, my loved ones.
Now, it's just my family, who half of them don't want to be bothered.  They seem to just want to be left alone for now, so I have stopped reaching out to them.  We do still see each other for holidays, thank the Lord,  but that's not enough for me! 
Some weekends I get lonely, as I did this weekend, just missing people, my family and wanting to be around them.  Anyone that I know well, to connect with, to enjoy the day with.  That is when I have to reach out, see what everyone is doing, and go do it with them or go visit!  So, I am learning how to reach out, sometimes I only wish I was invited.  It seems as if I am always the one texting and trying to get together with my family, always the one reaching out.  I go back and forth with that issue, sometimes I don't reach out and see what happens, and then I just get over it, and reach out myself, and make plans.  I still ask, "Why am I the one always reaching out to get together!?"  Oh well, I will find new adventures this fall, and maybe find a relationship worth being in!!
Peace and Love Always!!