Turning Worry into Faith and Gratitude

Nov 21, 3013
So, another day!! To be grateful for!  I wake up again, with so much on my mind, the work I have to get done in three weeks, worry, worry, worry.  So, they say not to worry! To have faith in the Universe, God, and know all things will be fine.  All things are fine now! Ha, yes, that's it just pretend!  Keep putting thoughts in your head of love and abundance!! I am loved! I am abundant in health, wealth, love and joy!  How long do I have to do this until it truly is my new reality??  They say we manifested where we are now by the power of our thoughts!  I know, that is a hard one to accept, which I am still working on.  Why would I want a life of hurt and pain in my childhood and with my husband, why would I want to struggle financially after my divorce and ever struggle financially?  And not having a family any longer?
  Who wants a life filled with struggle?  Not me, my new vision is one of peace, harmony, happiness, love, joy and bliss!  What is the point of living, if we aren't happy and having fun?  Surrounding ourselves with amazing people to hang out with, be around, and be there for!  I am working on all these things, my beautiful home on the water, the Ocean, bay or lake (I think I need to decide on that one too) with my family and friends abound, with a man standing beside me with his arms wrapped around me!  Laughing, jumping in the water and really just enjoying life! No matter how much money we have, it can not provide the love and connection I feel when I am with loved ones.  And, that is what it is all about for me, bonding, connecting, caring about others, being there for each other.  Living, laughing, loving, wouldn't that be nice.  
I know life goes on, we all grow up, but I did not realize how much getting older changes who you are.  When your kids grow up, and leave the nest, it totally means, "Ok, it's time for you and your life!" The sad thing for me now is, I don't want my own life, I want a life filled with others in it, filled with the love and laughter of others.  It would be great if I was married, but I am not, and it's just me, and I love people. And, it is more fun to be with family and friends, then being alone, in the house every day.  Growing up in a large family, there was always people around.  And when my brothers (I have six), had girlfriends and got married, there were so many of us at my Mom's house having dinner, celebrating holidays, etc.  I loved it and didn't even realize how much I did when I was younger.  
And then when I got married, and my husbands brothers did, we were together all the time.  I had two sister in laws from his family, and we were instant best friends, all Aquarians, all so much alike, and hung out together all the time.  Every weekend we got together and hung out at someone's pool and had a BBQ.  Sunday was always family day, always the day to hang out and reconnect.  When we all had children, we were together just about every day in the summer, hang out in someone's pool.  Our children grew up together, and my three children had seven cousins to hang out with daily!  My one sister in law had a son, and then triplets, and my other sister in law had a daughter, son, and twins.  
Another reason why this being alone thing is hard for me, because we were with family constantly, and, we were always there for each other.  Always helping when needed, always bringing food to the BBQ, always helping clean up the kitchen during a holiday.  How I took that all for granted at the time, and realize now how blessed I was.  And now its gone, life is so different!  Everyone and everything changes it seems.  Changes, I am so tired of.  I want a home, to stay in, with family around forever, until life goes on.  Never did I realize when I was married how much life could change from day to day.  Being married is amazing to me, you have the love and support of each other, of a family, and no matter what happens out there in the world you can handle, can deal with, because you are not alone.  You have this connection, this bond, that holds yourself together, knowing you are supported in life and not alone.  And the love, the love you get from each other, from your children, is the biggest support and joy of all!
Amen