Tuesday, March 4, 2014
March 4, 2014
I woke up feeling really sad today. Sad about my past which I thought was behind me. Sad about my children being taken from me during my divorce, and how any man that I loved, could take his three children away from their mother who never left them, who stayed home to raise them. I am suppose to forgive him and move on, and it's so hard to do. I try, I wish him peace and happiness, but I hate him for not only what he did to me, but to our three children! What could go through his mind when they would cry for me, to stay, and he would drag them from me, leaving all of us in tears. That loss for all of us causes pain and suffering. My daughter of 21 just expressed to me the other night about how when she was young she cried for me every night, prayed to God to bring me back, and it never happened, and she lost faith in her God. I am so sad today, sad for myself, and for what I did to my children. I look back and wish I never divorced him, never having to ever leave my children. The children I wanted when I was 18, but didn't have until my 30's because my ex went to Chiropractor School a few years after College, and he forced me to wait. Too much pain to get over, my childhood, my marriage, my divorce, the pain of loosing my children, and struggling financially for ten years! Its all getting to me today!
Starting to feel the energy!
So, after seeing Teal Swan a few weeks ago, things have been very different! I feel things differently, like that negative energy. And it's pretty yucky, so yucky I can't be around it!
So, I was in a situation the other day with a friend, and her 21 year old son and her brother. The son's cellphone wasn't working properly, and he was "Freaking out!" My girlfriend was on the phone with the cell phone company, trying to work it out and her son was yelling at her to ask them a question. Her brother was angry because they had just gone to the cell phone store, and they couldn't help him. Her brother had issues with his phone too he was trying to address at the store with no avail. Her brother was upset, angry, and was asking his nephew to go back to the store with him, and his nephew refused. Explaining, "All you want to do is to go back to the store to have an argument with someone and complain!"
I was pretty startled by her brothers negative energy. It was so bad when he walked in, I wanted to leave. I felt it right away this time, this yucky energy I didn't want to be around. We tried to talk, and everything I felt, he disagreed with and argued back. We only barely spoke for a few minutes, and he was disagreeable with me several times. They say everyone is an image of ourselves, then what is he there to teach me? It really taught me a lesson in feeling the energy, and not having to accept "staying in it". It was a mess, I wanted out, and if he didn't leave, I was ready to! This is self love, I would have never even realized this years ago, and would have put up with his low energy, and argued back. But now I realize I have choices, I do not have to put my self in any negative, stomach turning, stressful situations anymore. I have a choice, I can get up and leave!
It's strange to me now how negativity comes head on at me, and I can't be around it. I just want to get out of it and not even have to hear it, waste my energy on it. It was almost as if that's what their main focus is on life, finding the problem, complaining about it, getting angry and wasting all of your time and energy on it! My brother does the same thing, whatever issues he encounters daily from the human race, he complains and bitches about it constantly, he will even call and complain to the person in charge. Is this love? Is this a loving and giving way to be to the world, to each other, to ourselves? And he laughs about it, as if it takes away his negativity. He is the same brother who has been on my case each time I go to visit him, finally now having no desire to go back! And he thinks he is all Love, caring for his family, going to church every Sunday, etc.
I realize no one wants to take responsibility for their own actions. They want to be insulting, argumentive, and critical to you all the time, but don't understand being around them is a choice, regardless if it is family or not, a choice. Do I want to spend my precious time being with family or friends who are mad and angry all the time? Who always find the worse in any situation, and just want to constantly complain about it? What if I want to see the Love and good in everyone and everything? What if I don't want to waste my energy on such negativity? I have wasted so much of my life crying after my divorce for years, I am tired of doing that, being in the past and being so sad. I want happy people around me, happy, loving, kind people that are at peace with themselves. That's pretty much what it is, peace and love within themselves! But, some of us never find it, never look for it, or realize it is missing. So sad, because to me, love is a verb, its not only about giving to you in whatever way I can, it's also about knowing you are in my space and creating immense turmoil, so please leave until you can bring good, positive, loving energy in! Thank you!
Namaste~
So, I was in a situation the other day with a friend, and her 21 year old son and her brother. The son's cellphone wasn't working properly, and he was "Freaking out!" My girlfriend was on the phone with the cell phone company, trying to work it out and her son was yelling at her to ask them a question. Her brother was angry because they had just gone to the cell phone store, and they couldn't help him. Her brother had issues with his phone too he was trying to address at the store with no avail. Her brother was upset, angry, and was asking his nephew to go back to the store with him, and his nephew refused. Explaining, "All you want to do is to go back to the store to have an argument with someone and complain!"
I was pretty startled by her brothers negative energy. It was so bad when he walked in, I wanted to leave. I felt it right away this time, this yucky energy I didn't want to be around. We tried to talk, and everything I felt, he disagreed with and argued back. We only barely spoke for a few minutes, and he was disagreeable with me several times. They say everyone is an image of ourselves, then what is he there to teach me? It really taught me a lesson in feeling the energy, and not having to accept "staying in it". It was a mess, I wanted out, and if he didn't leave, I was ready to! This is self love, I would have never even realized this years ago, and would have put up with his low energy, and argued back. But now I realize I have choices, I do not have to put my self in any negative, stomach turning, stressful situations anymore. I have a choice, I can get up and leave!
It's strange to me now how negativity comes head on at me, and I can't be around it. I just want to get out of it and not even have to hear it, waste my energy on it. It was almost as if that's what their main focus is on life, finding the problem, complaining about it, getting angry and wasting all of your time and energy on it! My brother does the same thing, whatever issues he encounters daily from the human race, he complains and bitches about it constantly, he will even call and complain to the person in charge. Is this love? Is this a loving and giving way to be to the world, to each other, to ourselves? And he laughs about it, as if it takes away his negativity. He is the same brother who has been on my case each time I go to visit him, finally now having no desire to go back! And he thinks he is all Love, caring for his family, going to church every Sunday, etc.
I realize no one wants to take responsibility for their own actions. They want to be insulting, argumentive, and critical to you all the time, but don't understand being around them is a choice, regardless if it is family or not, a choice. Do I want to spend my precious time being with family or friends who are mad and angry all the time? Who always find the worse in any situation, and just want to constantly complain about it? What if I want to see the Love and good in everyone and everything? What if I don't want to waste my energy on such negativity? I have wasted so much of my life crying after my divorce for years, I am tired of doing that, being in the past and being so sad. I want happy people around me, happy, loving, kind people that are at peace with themselves. That's pretty much what it is, peace and love within themselves! But, some of us never find it, never look for it, or realize it is missing. So sad, because to me, love is a verb, its not only about giving to you in whatever way I can, it's also about knowing you are in my space and creating immense turmoil, so please leave until you can bring good, positive, loving energy in! Thank you!
Namaste~
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