My Daughters get the Okay to Move Out!

Hello
Boy, this is a hard one, it's crazy how fast life goes.  One day you have a baby on your hip, and another they are grown up and spreading their wings to fly.  And you are alone. Wow, it is actually really hard to believe I am here already.  I never thought about this, about my children moving out and me not being with someone.  I loved being married, and would love to marry again, but it has to be my soul mate. I want to share my life with a man, my best friend, my true love.  I am suppose to start saying I already have what I want.  So, it would be, "I am loving sharing my life with a man, I am loving waking up with him, cooking dinner for him, going to bed with him, and spooning all night!"  Thank you Universe for giving me what I want.
                 
What a process life is, filled with changes constantly.  Moving I do not enjoy, we have moved so many times and it hurts.  You are so out of your element, that you feel dazed and confused for weeks.  At least that is how each move made me feel.  Unfortunately, I had to move the children around a lot after my divorce, always due to money issues.  I can not wait until I buy my first dream home.  This year I have to move from here, find a "home" to settle in for a month or two, then figure out where to be.  During that time I can create my business, and maybe open a small place up somewhere called, "You are The Light", a healing center for all!  This is one of my dreams, the other is to get my books published and out there for the children, and for adults.  To become an author is my first dream, but something I always tend to forget about, and push to the side.

So, my daughters just went to talk to their Dad about him helping them get their own place.  My one daughter kept saying how they did not have the money to move out even thought they wanted to.  I explained once again, the power of attraction and thought, and why we are here, to create what we wanted, and bam, they created it.  My other daughter and I spoke about their Dad helping out, with money they have which was for college and they did not attend.  This daughter read the book "Sara" by the Hicks, and understood the power of focus, creation, and how the Universe works by sending us what we want.  So, we focused on that, and I reminded her how Solomon (an owl in the book) said it is important to talk about your dreams as well, that will help bring it to you.  So we started talking about it, and bam, a week later she gets an email from the complex they want to move into.  And they saw the two bedroom unit yesterday, and went to their Dads to talk to him.  My oldest daughter explained how she has been hinting to him about them wanting their own place, to prepare him.  I know it is going to happen, I just know, and that is why I have been looking for a new place for me as well.
                   
  I just got a phone call from my daughter asking about checks we have from a checking account, if I knew where they were.  I went and got them for her, and obviously their Dad is helping them to get this place.  I am so happy for them, I have been focusing on them today, how awesome this is for them, they are my children to help raise, but always their own person.  My one daughter is very angry now about how they grew up, and blames us for what we did to them.  The fighting, the separation of not being together as a family, it is so sad I couldn't stay and work it out.  I am so sorry I hurt them all so much.  As I look back I was not very calm, and yelled a lot, always stressed I guess.
When they came in the house they were talking about how their Dad took it.  They said he was sad like I was, in tears, knowing his children are all grown up!  And gone, on their own to spread their wings and fly, just like we did.  They said their sister was there loving everyone, and their Dad got sad I suppose because of her too, him wanting them to move back in to help him with her.  They have a one year old sister because he remarried.  They are so blessed to have her in their life.  I love her dearly and hold her close to my heart always, we seem to have an innate, intense connection.  I only wish we put our children's needs ahead of ours, and stayed together as a family, and came back to love.  Came back to focusing all we had in front of us, like our 7,000 square foot Castle we were going to build on the 4 1/2 acres of woods my ex husband bought.                                              
Even though they say this was already planned by us, to help us to become whole by facing our pain, our disconnected self, it is still not fun to go through.  I don't even know where to go or what to do, I have been all over the place.  From a two bedroom with cathedral ceilings up in the woods in Mahwah, to a one bedroom in Mahwah, to moving in with someone for a few months, trying to figure it all out.  I will have a lot to "process", my new word.  It seems as when there is much change, your body has to just let go, relax, turn off, to process all the new information that is occurring, the new changes.
So, today I decided to disconnect from looking for a place to live, and just relax and see where that takes me.  I have been house hunting all week, on the computer and running around, and I am tired, and my neck and back are in so much pain.  I suppose the physical and mental stress of this, makes me worry and tense, and causes my muscles to spasm.  That is why I need to buy my Ayurvedic herbs and take them again, as I ran out a few week ago.
                                
So, my girls ran in, got the check, excited and happy, and ran out to bring the deposit to the place the want to live.  Oh my, this is really going to happen, I am going to be so sad, so sad to see them move ahead without seeing them in the morning and at night.  November 9th, 2014, my children will be grown up and mature young females.  I truly am so proud of them, they have grown into very street smart, funny young woman.  Of course, I love them dearly and am glad they are "following their joy".
For me, I have so much work to do, packing to do, cleansing my life out.  I did feel the girls felt like they were stuck, stuck living here with me, and it was preventing them from living the life they chose to live.  Whatever that may be.  I love them, they will always be close to me in my heart.

Starting to look at places to live

Wow. I can't even believe I have to start house hunting.  I decided to look at a new Rental Community, the one where my kids were moving to.  I am not sure if they want me there or not, but I thought I would look anyway.  I thought if I lived right near them, I would feel a lot better about this move.  So, I started looking for homes in Hasbrouck Heights, because it is the next town over.  But, to be in the same place, that would be really nice,  I wouldn't  feel so alone knowing they are right there somewhere for me.  And when it snows, I will have someone to hang out with, instead of being in all day alone.  I am so sad about being alone, it makes me cry.  Regardless if I will get use to it or not, it makes me sad today.  I try to ask myself why It makes me feel so lonely, and It makes me feel the same way as when I was divorced and lost my kids full time.  That sense of loss, and sadness, still eats me away.  That is a hard one to get over, even though it is not on my mind all day anymore, it still hurts very deeply.  So, now with this move, I feel the loss of my family back from when I divorced.  And, I felt very sad and was very lonely, feeling so detached and disconnected from my energy source, my family!  So, I don't feel so badly today about moving, I feel much better knowing I may be able to rent there. 
                                                  
 I have realized by "trying things out", I get more of a sense of what I want and don't want.  So, I took a ride to the Rental Community and looked at the place.  I had no idea what to expect, but it reminded of a hotel.  You have to walk through a long hallway to get to your place, and I am so used to living in a house, using your own front door. The one bedroom unit was very small, so small, I certainly could not live there.  The owner is making millions of dollars by asking for an overpriced small apartment, in a hotel like building.  I won't get into how overpriced homes are in Bergen County, that's an entire article on it's own.  There is no yard, but some have balconies, which I would have.  The complex was very cold, with metal decor everywhere, without any real life, like plants, etc.  The woman who showed me the rental seemed like I bothered her, she was so not into her job, and it showed.  So, I left there shocked as hell, and relieved because I know my one daughter was not crazy about me living in the same place as them anyway. 
                             
Things will work out how they should, I know totally trust the Universe knows what I need, and will send it to me gladly and with joy, as long as I flow with that river, and not against it.  If worry and fear gets in my head, I run to the earth, sit by a tree, and it all goes away, I feel so at peace.  It makes me so calm and peaceful in the forest, and my Shaman explained to me my little girl was playing in the forest, and wants me to go there all the time. She said the forest will talk to me, the trees will.  She said the trees, my little girl and I will all learn from each other.  She said to actually face the tree, with my third eye on the tree trunk!  Ha, I did but only for a few minutes because it was not comfortable and I was somewhat embarrassed at first, being in a public park.  I have found places to go now where it is private and no one will see!  
                     

Love and Light Always!! <3

Having to Move to Another Home

So many changes are occurring this year already, with all the shifts in energy from attedingTeal Swan's Workshops, it's been crazy and I feel so blessed!  
But, now my kids tell me they are seriously going to move out in November, at the place they looked at a month ago.  They really need this now in their journey ahead as young woman, but me, single mom, so sad.  this is a hard one for me.  I am encouraging them to get what they want by manifesting it without questioning how it will occur.  Other people may also come our way to help us manifest what we want, it doesn't always have to come from us.  When they spoke about wanting their own place, but not having the money now, I told them not to think that way.  The Universe will send them a way to move out if they focus on it, and talk about it.  So, that's what we did a few weeks ago.  Then, a few days ago my daughter received an email from the Rental Community, stating there was an opening for the unit they were waiting for in November!  Wow, pretty crazy since we were just talking about it.  It is just like my daughter always planned.  I know the Universe is working here, to the best of our higher good, all of us.  I have been crying on and off, being so sad they will be leaving me, and me being all alone.  I am one of seven children, have so many nieces and nephews and raised my kids together with my two sister in laws and we had a total of 11 children between all of us.  
                            

 So, to be all alone is giving me feelings of wanting "my" family back, the only one I know, which includes my ex and my children.  I have been crying over the loss of my ex again, during these few days.  Missing him so much and wanting him back in my life, feeling so very connected to him still.  I am sending him love all day, telling his spirit guides the love I will always have for him, let him feel it and know it.  I know it's crazy, there was a lot of arguing, a lot of pain, but he was hurting as much as I was, we only could hurt each other until we healed ourselves. I truly realize now how awful I was to him, yelling back in pain, hurting each other so much with our words.  What were we thinking, how could we even treat another this way?  The person we married because we were so in love with them, truly in love, a life long love.  How anger and pain got in the way, how we allowed this to happen, is so sad to me now.  I now have much more compassion for him, for us, for how we treated each other.  I wish I could change it, I do, but it's done, and hard for me to let go of and move on.

 I am much healthier now, and have learned so much that I can send him love.  I know now that we all decided to come here together, to help in our growth with one another and work out our stuff.  He was hurt, so he attacked me.  It is such a shame we didn't focus on what we loved about each other, what we fell in love with in the first place.  If you could do that, and send each other at least one compliment a day, without insults, you are on the right path of happiness and love.  It's hard to be grateful for each other when you are being insulted and criticized.  How I felt tormented for years, and still loved him.  
                                    
So, now I have to face moving in two months, to who knows where, all alone.  I don't know how my brothers did it when they got divorced, being all alone.  I am lucky I have had my kids the past five years full time, but now it will be hard to leave.  I have to leave this four bedroom home with a lemonade front porch of four years, it has been like home to me.  Even though I never was crazy about this house, its 100 years old, with dark paneling, and I love new, new, new.  Old makes me feel very poor, plus the house was very dark.  But it is large, and we all had our own rooms, and my landlord was amazing.  I have so much here, in the basement, stuff, books, pictures, way too much stuff to take with me, so it will be a time of major letting go, to growth and expansion. 
                                                        
 But, today I am sad and scared to move, to be all alone, and to not have any idea where I am going.  I have ventured out down the beach looking for a place to stay, and even to the lakes Northeast in the woods.  I love the woods, and it is so much less expensive there too.  So, I am hoping by looking and putting it out there, the Universe will send me in the right place.  Now, after I cry a bit, and go with those emotions of feeling lonely and lost, they are the same feelings I had after my divorce when I missed my ex so much.  I have been sitting with those emotions and telling myself it's okay, I am here with you now.  I have to remind myself, the Universe will take care of me, because it does love me and wants me to be happy, whole and complete.  Then, I can relax and allow the river to flow where it wants to take me, to the place of my highest good.  Fear and worry have to leave and get out of the picture, and I am good at doing that now.  I can easily switch to having faith in the Universe and manifesting, because I can look at everything in the past few months that occurred because I manifested it!
Namaste, Love and Peace Always!