Starting to look at places to live

Wow. I can't even believe I have to start house hunting.  I decided to look at a new Rental Community, the one where my kids were moving to.  I am not sure if they want me there or not, but I thought I would look anyway.  I thought if I lived right near them, I would feel a lot better about this move.  So, I started looking for homes in Hasbrouck Heights, because it is the next town over.  But, to be in the same place, that would be really nice,  I wouldn't  feel so alone knowing they are right there somewhere for me.  And when it snows, I will have someone to hang out with, instead of being in all day alone.  I am so sad about being alone, it makes me cry.  Regardless if I will get use to it or not, it makes me sad today.  I try to ask myself why It makes me feel so lonely, and It makes me feel the same way as when I was divorced and lost my kids full time.  That sense of loss, and sadness, still eats me away.  That is a hard one to get over, even though it is not on my mind all day anymore, it still hurts very deeply.  So, now with this move, I feel the loss of my family back from when I divorced.  And, I felt very sad and was very lonely, feeling so detached and disconnected from my energy source, my family!  So, I don't feel so badly today about moving, I feel much better knowing I may be able to rent there. 
                                                  
 I have realized by "trying things out", I get more of a sense of what I want and don't want.  So, I took a ride to the Rental Community and looked at the place.  I had no idea what to expect, but it reminded of a hotel.  You have to walk through a long hallway to get to your place, and I am so used to living in a house, using your own front door. The one bedroom unit was very small, so small, I certainly could not live there.  The owner is making millions of dollars by asking for an overpriced small apartment, in a hotel like building.  I won't get into how overpriced homes are in Bergen County, that's an entire article on it's own.  There is no yard, but some have balconies, which I would have.  The complex was very cold, with metal decor everywhere, without any real life, like plants, etc.  The woman who showed me the rental seemed like I bothered her, she was so not into her job, and it showed.  So, I left there shocked as hell, and relieved because I know my one daughter was not crazy about me living in the same place as them anyway. 
                             
Things will work out how they should, I know totally trust the Universe knows what I need, and will send it to me gladly and with joy, as long as I flow with that river, and not against it.  If worry and fear gets in my head, I run to the earth, sit by a tree, and it all goes away, I feel so at peace.  It makes me so calm and peaceful in the forest, and my Shaman explained to me my little girl was playing in the forest, and wants me to go there all the time. She said the forest will talk to me, the trees will.  She said the trees, my little girl and I will all learn from each other.  She said to actually face the tree, with my third eye on the tree trunk!  Ha, I did but only for a few minutes because it was not comfortable and I was somewhat embarrassed at first, being in a public park.  I have found places to go now where it is private and no one will see!  
                     

Love and Light Always!! <3