But, now my kids tell me they are seriously going to move out in November, at the place they looked at a month ago. They really need this now in their journey ahead as young woman, but me, single mom, so sad. this is a hard one for me. I am encouraging them to get what they want by manifesting it without questioning how it will occur. Other people may also come our way to help us manifest what we want, it doesn't always have to come from us. When they spoke about wanting their own place, but not having the money now, I told them not to think that way. The Universe will send them a way to move out if they focus on it, and talk about it. So, that's what we did a few weeks ago. Then, a few days ago my daughter received an email from the Rental Community, stating there was an opening for the unit they were waiting for in November! Wow, pretty crazy since we were just talking about it. It is just like my daughter always planned. I know the Universe is working here, to the best of our higher good, all of us. I have been crying on and off, being so sad they will be leaving me, and me being all alone. I am one of seven children, have so many nieces and nephews and raised my kids together with my two sister in laws and we had a total of 11 children between all of us.
So, to be all alone is giving me feelings of wanting "my" family back, the only one I know, which includes my ex and my children. I have been crying over the loss of my ex again, during these few days. Missing him so much and wanting him back in my life, feeling so very connected to him still. I am sending him love all day, telling his spirit guides the love I will always have for him, let him feel it and know it. I know it's crazy, there was a lot of arguing, a lot of pain, but he was hurting as much as I was, we only could hurt each other until we healed ourselves. I truly realize now how awful I was to him, yelling back in pain, hurting each other so much with our words. What were we thinking, how could we even treat another this way? The person we married because we were so in love with them, truly in love, a life long love. How anger and pain got in the way, how we allowed this to happen, is so sad to me now. I now have much more compassion for him, for us, for how we treated each other. I wish I could change it, I do, but it's done, and hard for me to let go of and move on.
I am much healthier now, and have learned so much that I can send him love. I know now that we all decided to come here together, to help in our growth with one another and work out our stuff. He was hurt, so he attacked me. It is such a shame we didn't focus on what we loved about each other, what we fell in love with in the first place. If you could do that, and send each other at least one compliment a day, without insults, you are on the right path of happiness and love. It's hard to be grateful for each other when you are being insulted and criticized. How I felt tormented for years, and still loved him.
So, now I have to face moving in two months, to who knows where, all alone. I don't know how my brothers did it when they got divorced, being all alone. I am lucky I have had my kids the past five years full time, but now it will be hard to leave. I have to leave this four bedroom home with a lemonade front porch of four years, it has been like home to me. Even though I never was crazy about this house, its 100 years old, with dark paneling, and I love new, new, new. Old makes me feel very poor, plus the house was very dark. But it is large, and we all had our own rooms, and my landlord was amazing. I have so much here, in the basement, stuff, books, pictures, way too much stuff to take with me, so it will be a time of major letting go, to growth and expansion.
But, today I am sad and scared to move, to be all alone, and to not have any idea where I am going. I have ventured out down the beach looking for a place to stay, and even to the lakes Northeast in the woods. I love the woods, and it is so much less expensive there too. So, I am hoping by looking and putting it out there, the Universe will send me in the right place. Now, after I cry a bit, and go with those emotions of feeling lonely and lost, they are the same feelings I had after my divorce when I missed my ex so much. I have been sitting with those emotions and telling myself it's okay, I am here with you now. I have to remind myself, the Universe will take care of me, because it does love me and wants me to be happy, whole and complete. Then, I can relax and allow the river to flow where it wants to take me, to the place of my highest good. Fear and worry have to leave and get out of the picture, and I am good at doing that now. I can easily switch to having faith in the Universe and manifesting, because I can look at everything in the past few months that occurred because I manifested it!
Namaste, Love and Peace Always!
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