I am here at my brothers home today, hanging out for the day watching my niece who is ten, and my nephew who is twelve. This week is one of the hottest days of the summer, and the kids already go back to school this week. This is a sad time of the year for me, having to realize I can't lay out in the sun like I use to and enjoy the ocean, the sand, the beach. I did get to the beach yesterday, to say goodbye, but I realized I didn't have to say, "goodbye". Even if I go back in the fall, it is the same ocean and the same sand. It's just chilly, that's all, but the sun and ocean is alive, kicking and running still. And that is now comforting me for when I return. I still love bare feet, all year, and I always will. I still prefer running around in a bathing suit, and not a winter coat. I still love to be outside all day if possible, with nature in any way, and the animals, so at peace, than being bundled up inside all winter.
We had a very cold winter last year, and my children and I stayed in so much it was awesome. The snow, the fire, watching television, these are times I will never forget. Thinking of being alone brings back feelings of how I felt without my ex and my kids for so many years. That was a time of great pain and sadness for me, I don't want to "feel" alone again. I guess this is the Universe "setting me up", showing me I need to work on feeling alone, and see where it is coming from. I am now getting instant terrible pain up the back of my neck, that sadness of feeling alone. Just alone, like no one cares, because no one was there to help you. To help stop the pain you felt, and to stop it.
So, I got outside for about only an hour laying in the sun, it was really hot. But, I did dive into the pool many times, and that was so refreshing and invigorating, I can't wait to experience this with a honey someday soon. I am ready to fall in love again, ready to open my heart to love, and bring him in. Thank you Universe for showing me the way to self love, so I can now allow love in. I needed to care for myself too much before, but now I am healed enough to open that door. For someone to join me on my journey, on a path together now, and for the rest of my time on this earth. There is only room for one more man to spend the rest of my life with, I trust the Universe will send the man that decided with me, prior to coming here, that we would be together again. I sometimes wish that man was my ex husband. I so much of the time feel so connected to him that it is crazy, even after working on clearing the attachments we have with one another. He has so much love in his heart, he was just so hurt by others, just like the rest of us. He still blames me for our problems and break up and doesn't want to have any type of relationship with me. I send him love and light and pray for him too when I pray for others. I have to learn to let go, and move on, and I have no idea why I still have work to do here.
His new daughter is truly the miracle in his life, and my children's life. She is a very special, spiritual being, smart and aware in so many ways. She is so in tune and aware of everything, even at a year and a half. She has opened up his heart to love, and I see the changes in him and my children, without ever being around him. It is joy, she is love, she is loved, she is a blessing, and I thank her for coming to earth at this time.
Being at my brothers home for the day, gives me the opportunity to relax and reflect all day, what is important to me. And it is truly the people, the people in my life that makes me want to live. Especially my lovely children, who bring me so much joy, and who I am so proud of. It is about loving each other, working together, helping each other, in LOVE and JOY and LAUGHTER, how much better than that can it get? It's about finding the right people to love, raising your energy to attract awesome people, and loving them and enjoying them.
I am tired of being in my house alone, so much for the last four years. I am in my bedroom so much of the time with the girls downstairs, they like to be alone, and I always seem to have work to do and need to concentrate. The shows they watch on TV are very different shows then I would watch, and they want their own space now. I do make more of a point to be with them at home, since they want to move out soon. I just have to learn to keep my mouth quiet, and not always be a mother to them, maybe just an ear to listen. Thank you guys for being you, and showing me the love the best you knew how! I love you, I do!
Namaste, Love and Light!
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