Wow, I just realized it is my wedding anniversary today, it would have been thirty years. What a day that was, John was so awesome, so happy, so proud. We were both so proud of our love, of being in love knowing that was all we needed to be able to "conquer" anything we needed to that life would throw at us. When things got tough, he would always say, "But we have each other, that's all that matters". So beautiful, so sweet, so basic and honest, it always comforted me. I wish he was here now with those words, comforting me as I feel sad today. Sad my girls will be moving out soon. Although it is time for them, it doesn't lessen the sadness or pain I feel now, and what I will feel the day it happens. I am not even sure what I am going to do, even though I was looking to buy a place North West by some lakes. I don't want to live alone, and don't really want to live with someone who is negative either. I know we need this, and I have been prepared, I still don't know what to do. My daughter told me yesterday the woman from the complex they like emailed her the unit they wanted and it is available in November. She was so excited. She was going to talk to her dad about helping until their Day Care Center is up and running. At least six months, they did not use any of their Trust Fund money for College, he would not allow them to go away, they listened and both dropped out of the Community College. I can see how they want to be set free, free to live their own life, with their own rules, morals, values. They are tired of listening to him or me, looking at us as we made so many mistakes, and we have.
For me, it means many changes. Where do I go? What do I do? I know a little girl that needs so much love that I am innately attached to, I would love to help there. I hope my relationship with my children's father can start mending itself, coming back to a place of respect, from loving ourselves. I still feel so attached to him at times, even though I have worked on pulling the cords out so many times, as I am learning to do. I have so much to be grateful for, we both do, even if he doesn't realize it. Our children are wonderful beings of light, so kind and loving to everyone, the animals and earth as well. They are very open minded to my new teaching's of Teal's, and I am grateful for that. My daughter has even watched a few of her most recent videos about relationships, and it is helping her become more aware of her feelings. It is so beautiful I can learn from her, teach my children, and their generation will truly be the change! I love you Universe, I am in a great energetic place, and I will trust that I will end up wherever I am suppose to end up.
To know I have to move by a certain time, not having the steady income to secure a home, and being alone without my children, is going to be heartbreaking for me, for real, for sure. Maybe if I prepare for it now, when it happens I will be okay with it, and see the amazing benefits that come along with it. They will surely be happier to be on their own, they will be in the state of joy more so, raising their vibration to attract only higher energy beings, the best kind! lol
I do have so much I can do for financial abundance right now, so I have to start planning that. Reading Angel Cards at cafe's and thrift shops to start. Giving Reiki in some Yoga Studios. Teaching children's yoga, but most of all publishing the children's books I wrote, writing the rest I need to, and my adult book on Self Love, I am busy for sure. When I see that I am so very happy to finally have "accepted" this way of life as being the "only" way for me. Honest, true, authentic, do what you love thing! I have always loved this stuff, was always like a "hippy", and grew up in the 80's with older brothers. We were cooler then, chilled out more, less stressed than I see people have been where I live today in Bergen County. It is a different world now, a different time, but the energy is amazing.
I was crying outside before feeling sad and lonely already my girls leaving. Three beautiful yellow finches came to say hello, it was three of my soul sisters. Thank you so! I am so grateful I have my soul family to support me through all of this now. Regardless if they know I am sad about this and suffering or not, they are always there for me if I need them, and we are all there for each other. When one of us grows, each of us grows, and Teal Swan has created such a serious, beloved group of individuals, a soul family, that will really help change the world. And I am so proud and honored to be a part of it, my children and family to. I love you all dearly ~
Namaste all day ~
No comments:
Post a Comment