One of the last few days of summer

Hello!
I am here at my brothers home today, hanging out for the day watching my niece who is ten, and my nephew who is twelve.  This week is one of the hottest days of the summer, and the kids already go back to school this week.  This is a sad time of the year for me, having to realize I can't lay out in the sun like I use to and enjoy the ocean, the sand, the beach.  I did get to the beach yesterday, to say goodbye, but I realized I didn't have to say, "goodbye".  Even if I go back in the fall, it is the same ocean and the same sand.  It's just chilly, that's all, but the sun and ocean is alive, kicking and running still.  And that is now comforting me for when I return.  I still love bare feet, all year, and I always will.  I still prefer running around in a bathing suit, and not a winter coat.  I still love to be outside all day if possible, with nature in any way, and the animals, so at peace, than being bundled up inside all winter.

 

We had a very cold winter last year, and my children and I stayed in so much it was awesome.  The snow, the fire, watching television, these are times I will never forget.  Thinking of being alone brings back feelings of how I felt without my ex and my kids for so many years.  That was a time of great pain and sadness for me, I don't want to "feel" alone again.  I guess this is the Universe "setting me up", showing me I need to work on feeling alone, and see where it is coming from.  I am now getting instant terrible pain up the back of my neck, that sadness of feeling alone.  Just alone, like no one cares, because no one was there to help you.  To help stop the pain you felt, and to stop it.  

So, I got outside for about only an hour laying in the sun, it was really hot.  But, I did dive into the pool many times, and that was so refreshing and invigorating, I can't wait to experience this with a honey someday soon.  I am ready to fall in love again, ready to open my heart to love, and bring him in.  Thank you Universe for showing me the way to self love, so I can now allow love in.  I needed to care for myself too much before, but now I am healed enough to open that door.  For someone to join me on my journey, on a path together now, and for the rest of my time on this earth.  There is only room for one more man to spend the rest of my life with, I trust the Universe will send the man that decided with me, prior to coming here, that we would be together again. I sometimes wish that man was my ex husband.  I so much of the time feel so connected to him that it is crazy, even after working on clearing the attachments we have with one another.  He has so much love in his heart, he was just so hurt by others, just like the rest of us.  He still blames me for our problems and break up and doesn't want to have any type of relationship with me.  I send him love and light and pray for him too when I pray for others.  I have to learn to let go, and move on, and I have no idea why I still have work to do here. 
                             
His new daughter is truly the miracle in his life, and my children's life.  She is a very special, spiritual being, smart and aware in so many ways.  She is so in tune and aware of everything, even at a year and a half.  She has opened up his heart to love, and I see the changes in him and my children, without ever being around him.  It is joy, she is love, she is loved, she is a blessing, and I thank her for coming to earth at this time.  

Being at my brothers home for the day, gives me the opportunity to relax and reflect all day, what is important to me.  And it is truly the people, the people in my life that makes me want to live.  Especially my lovely children, who bring me so much joy, and who I am so proud of.  It is about loving each other, working together, helping each other, in LOVE and JOY and LAUGHTER, how much better than that can it get?  It's about finding the right people to love, raising your energy to attract awesome people, and loving them and enjoying them.  
                                                
I am tired of being in my house alone, so much for the last four years.  I am in my bedroom so much of the time with the girls downstairs, they like to be alone, and I always seem to have work to do and need to concentrate.  The shows they watch on TV are very different shows then I would watch, and they want their own space now.  I do make more of a point to be with them at home, since they want to move out soon.  I just have to learn to keep my mouth quiet, and not always be a mother to them, maybe just an ear to listen.  Thank you guys for being you, and showing me the love the best you knew how!  I love you, I do!  

Namaste, Love and Light! 

Tuesday, September 2, 2014

Wow, I just realized it is my wedding anniversary today, it would have been thirty years.  What a day that was, John was so awesome, so happy, so proud.  We were both so proud of our love, of being in love knowing that was all we needed to be able to "conquer" anything we needed to that life would throw at us.  When things got tough, he would always say, "But we have each other, that's all that matters".  So beautiful, so sweet, so basic and honest, it always comforted me.  I wish he was here now with those words, comforting me as I feel sad today.  Sad my girls will be moving out soon.  Although it is time for them, it doesn't lessen the sadness or pain I feel now, and what I will feel the day it happens.  I am not even sure what I am going to do, even though I was looking to buy a place North West by some lakes.  I don't want to live alone, and don't really want to live with someone who is negative either.  I know we need this, and I have been prepared, I still don't know what to do.  My daughter told me yesterday the woman from the complex they like emailed her the unit they wanted and it is available in November.  She was so excited.  She was going to talk to her dad about helping until their Day Care Center is up and running.  At least six months, they did not use any of their Trust Fund money for College, he would not allow them to go away, they listened and both dropped out of the Community College.  I can see how they want to be set free, free to live their own life, with their own rules, morals, values.  They are tired of listening to him or me, looking at us as we made so many mistakes, and we have.  

For me, it means many changes.  Where do I go? What do I do?  I know a little girl that needs so much love that I am innately attached to, I would love to help there.  I hope my relationship with my children's father can start mending itself, coming back to a place of respect, from loving ourselves.  I still feel so attached to him at times, even though I have worked on pulling the cords out so many times, as I am learning to do.  I have so much to be grateful for, we both do, even if he doesn't realize it.  Our children are wonderful beings of light, so kind and loving to everyone, the animals and earth as well.  They are very open minded to my new teaching's of Teal's, and I am grateful for that.  My daughter has even watched a few of her most recent videos about relationships, and it is helping her become more aware of her feelings.  It is so beautiful I can learn from her, teach my children, and their generation will truly be the change!  I love you Universe, I am in a great energetic place, and I will trust that I will end up wherever I am suppose to end up.  
To know I have to move by a certain time, not having the steady income to secure a home, and being alone without my children, is going to be heartbreaking for me, for real, for sure.  Maybe if I prepare for it now, when it happens I will be okay with it, and see the amazing benefits that come along with it.  They will surely be happier to be on their own, they will be in the state of joy more so, raising their vibration to attract only higher energy beings, the best kind! lol  
I do have so much I can do for financial abundance right now, so I have to start planning that.  Reading Angel Cards at cafe's and thrift shops to start. Giving Reiki in some Yoga Studios.  Teaching children's yoga, but most of all publishing the children's books I wrote, writing the rest I need to, and my adult book on Self Love, I am busy for sure.  When I see that I am so very happy to finally have "accepted" this way of life as being the "only" way for me.  Honest, true, authentic, do what you love thing!  I have always loved this stuff, was always like a "hippy", and grew up in the 80's with older brothers.  We were cooler then, chilled out more, less stressed than I see people have been where I live today in Bergen County.  It is a different world now, a different time, but the energy is amazing.  
I was crying outside before feeling sad and lonely already my girls leaving.  Three beautiful yellow finches came to say hello, it was  three of my soul sisters.  Thank you so!  I am so grateful I have my soul family to support me through all of this now.  Regardless if they know I am sad about this and suffering or not, they are always there for me if I need them, and we are all there for each other.  When one of us grows, each of us grows, and Teal Swan has created such a serious, beloved group of individuals, a soul family, that will really help change the world.  And I am so proud and honored to be a part of it, my children and family to.  I love you all dearly ~
Namaste all day ~

Labor Day BBQ

Namaste all ~

Today I went to my brothers home, a home he has lived in for thirty years.  It has been a comforting home more so since my parents have left this earth.  I love visiting my brother, he is the easiest one of all my six brothers.  I am also very close to his one daughter, who lives with him with her two young sons since her divorce a few years ago.  He has always been so kind, and when we were kids he use to take me to some homes where he cut their lawn.  I remember being grateful to be with him, unconsciously being glad to be out of that abusive house.  I remember just walking around the grounds, being with the earth and being so happy and content, while he mowed the lawn.  

My daughter came with me today, the last pool party of the summer.  We couldn't stay long because my daughter had previous plans.  My nephew was really happy to see my daughter, he hasn't seen her in months, and he feels very connected to her and hugs her all the time, loving her.

I was very touched when we left my brothers home, they did not want to see me leave and were bummed.  Wow, what an abundance of love that was going around, I truly felt so loved, wanted, and cared about, a stronger feeling this time than any other time I have been with them.  I wonder if it is because I feel so much more love from within, within myself from my heart expanding due to the "inner child" work I have been doing, and having my soul retrieval with the Shaman.

My heart is so fill, when I am in the car driving by myself, I put an awesome song on, and I sing it as loud as I want, and have such a sense of love, peace and happiness.  I wake up each day so happy, grateful, at peace, feeling so loved.  I am in awe of the changes that I am aware of that are occurring in me daily.  Each and every day, I feel a new awakening.  Life has become so exciting, so fun, so filled with love by so many others.  I am grateful to have found like minded souls on my Spiritual path, and the family I have met again and feel so connected to.  Her workshops bring like minded souls together, and connect by events planned for the weekend.  I have never met such loving souls in one place before. 

My energy has shifted such a great deal from each Workshop, that it is pretty crazy for me.  I do not vibrate with many people around here in Bergen County, another sure sign the Universe is telling me to leave.  The trees, the woods, that is a place to be every day.  There and the beach in the summer works for me.  And for January and February, I want to manifest a home in Florida, free of charge, where I can go to get away from the freezing cold here in Jersey.  And I will write, paint, and draw until my heart is content.  Wow, how much my life has changed.  Even with what I want from my life, and knowing now that I can have it.  Each day synchronicity occurs, it is so magical, and I am grateful.  I acknowledge to the Universe I realize how in control I am of my life, I know I am on the right path now, going with the flow, have the utmost faith in having what I want.  That home in the woods, in the forest, on a lake where all my magic begins.  The Shaman also told me my little girl is from the forest and her and the forest have a lot to teach me.  The three of us have a lot to teach each other, then it's obvious where I need to be.  And as I drove around the other day I drove thirty minutes Northeast, it was beautiful, woods and lakes abundantly, and I never even knew! 

Feeling Loved, feeling happy! Namaste!

Following My Joy

Namaste !
I have decided to start a new thing, to "follow my Joy", each and every day.  To ask myself each day what I can do for myself to make me happy today and "feel good".  It is summer, so that is easy for me to do, loving to be outside all day with the trees, squirrels, and the birds.  I have two Cardinals who come every day, and a Bluebird, and many finches, when I sit in my yard.  They did not visit me while I was sitting so close to them outside, until I came back from Teal Swan's Workshop.  It is so crazy how your energy shifts attending a Workshop, and how they help to facilitate your growth so much.  
So, the Universe sent me the perfect time to be free of work, and it was now, summertime!  So, I did enjoy the beach, with my family and alone, and it was an awesome summer on the beach.  This was a very cool, unusual summer for us here, with barely any humidity, so the beach was perfect, and cool.  Even after 4:00, I was getting chilly!  I love the Ocean, it has always spoken to me, like it does to all of us.  And the huge rocks I love, always gravitating to sit near them.  So peaceful, relaxing and free, it makes me feel, I love it.  I will tell you though, the sun does seem to get a little too hot, you can feel your skin burn.  I usually use my umbrella now after being in the sun a few hours, it's much more calming and relaxing after the sun gazing at you all day.  

Labor Day Weekend is this weekend, and it is so sad to see this time of the year end.  We enjoy gathering near the Ocean, to find peace from the craziness in our world, and it works.  What do we do all winter then? Go to the snow, go outside and enjoy the earth in a totally different way.  Ski, sleigh, have a snow ball fight, or make an Angel, but enjoy the moment of where you are, just as it should be.
So, each day I have been following my joy, and it has been magical.  So beautiful, so filled with love.  Yes, I still get sadness and pain, but when it is not there, my energy is so much higher than before, I feel it.  I feel so happy when I am running errands, meeting people, etc, and do not resonate with a great deal of other people.  I even have friends now that since our vibrations are so different, we haven't been able to connect.  I honor and respect that for now, and know our paths will cross again someday.  Until then, I hold them in love and light, and send them gentle lessons, along with me!  I love what I am learning, I have been searching for this since seventh grade, I have waited a very long time for this.  For all of it, to help teach others anything and everything I know, and help heal them in any way that I can. 

 I still yearn for my family back, the family I created with one man, the man of my dreams who I loved dearly.  I now know and understand he was there to teach me lessons about myself I could still not understand.  I still feel so attached to him, even though I have cut the cords many times!  He now has a magical, beautiful little daughter in his life, who is transforming him into love.  This is a true miracle, and I am so grateful she has come to teach him about unconditional love again.  They are soul mates for sure, and some how I fit into this picture.  The first pictures I saw of her were of instant love.  She is a miracle in their life, and my daughter takes care of her when her Dad works.  She is a huge part of my children's life, and I am so happy for the love she has brought to us all.  I am so happy when I spend time with her, she leaves me glowing all day!  She is a joy, a pleasure, and a sure way to follow your bliss!
Namaste

Horseback Riding with my daughter and her friend

I was blessed to spend the day at the Dude Ranch, Malibu Dude Ranch, in PA, with my daughter and her friend today. 

 It was a magical day to be back in the woods running so fast on the horses you wanted to scream when you are done, and we did!  Yippie, yahoo!  To be free enough outside in the woods, like we are meant to be, is so calming, so relaxing, so wonderful, so free.  Free seems to be my new word lately, free to live my life the way I want to, not "have to", just to survive.  It is hard to live a happy life in that state of mind, if not impossible.  I have changed my thoughts tremendously, and am in a place of following my joy.  Each day my new mantra is, "follow my joy", and I truly am.  Well, in the summer it's not hard to do when you live in New Jersey and you are a beach bum.  And you wait all year for summer, which is only three months long.  It is so not fair.  This winter I am going to manifest a place in Florida to stay for a few of the freezing cold months here, my body aches in the cold weather.  
So, yes, I have been enjoying the beach tremendously, with lots of my family members this summer to.  I am so grateful for the family I have, they bring so much joy to my life, and I appreciate them more each year.  

Sorry, back to the Dude Ranch.  When I was divorced over ten years ago, I started to take my kids here with a friend of mine, whose parents took her when she was a child.  It's in the woods, and the place is amazing.  You can ride three to four times a day, each an hour long if you want while you are there, or you can go for the day.  

But, a few years ago the head wrangler who assigned the horses to you, got really nasty to us over nothing, and my daughter was so upset she wanted to leave early.  It was Sunday morning, and it was her Birthday.  I tried to talk to her and wanted to talk to the owner about him, but my daughter wanted to leave, and so we left.  For some reason out of the blue a few weeks ago, my daughter wanted to go back, and we did took a trip back.  I set the intention out for us to have a wonderful there, and it was.  Your goal is to really run with the horses, eventually, when you have been going there for years and they know you.  Either way, our goal is to always run, gallop, anything but walk the slow path with the horses that we did for the first few years we went.  After walking the trails for awhile, you just want to run, take off, enjoy the music you play together with the horse, you and them, one, as you ride together.  Wow, it was breathtaking, our ride.  It was so powerful to me that I now want some horses in this family, and will have to manifest that some day.  It is very inexpensive to board your horses there, less than half the price of here in New Jersey.  
Wow, how lucky and blessed am I that I will be doing just what I have been always wanting to do, stay home, write, paint, help facilitate healing in others through Reiki, Angel Cards, Essential Oils, and Crystals, the new loves of my life.  I am so grateful as to how much my life has transformed, and is transforming every day. 
Namaste all day!