Wednesday ~ Just Another Day

Namaste 
Boy, I am happy today!  I passed out so early last night, 9:30, woke up in the middle of the night, not being able to go back to sleep.  My friend texted me to skype and I missed her text!  So bummed, I love her so much and am so grateful she just appeared in my life, it's actually crazy!  
So, I did some computer work this morning, emails, face book and got caught up on that stuff.  I am going to head out in a little to go south to my crystal store and buy some moldavite for Teal and myself, and something for Irina too.  I was thinking of Blake and Sarb, but that could get expensive now.  My income is not coming in any longer since I stopped my nanny job caring for four small children.  I have some money left from a car accident I had years ago that will pay for the bills here a few months longer.  I am staying in a vibration of abundance, and faith in the Universe to take care of me now, while I am caring for myself.  It is great to feel such security and ease about finances, although a few times fear has come up.  I haven't even thought about "working out there" because what I want to do is write, write lots of children's books, and this adult book about self love I am creating now as I write.  I am so proud of myself to finally be able to admit to others that I am writing some children's books.  I have no doubt it will happen, if I don't get serious about it before Teal's workshop in Boston next week, it will happen when I arrive back.
It seems like these weeks have been a time that I am suppose to stay in and reflect and just be in this pain and accept it.  That's why when I am feeling low I try to sit with those emotions and take the time to see what's going on and where they are from.  Yes, it is work, but that is my job now, to take care of myself, I am ready, there is nothing else to wait for or hold onto.  I have been pushing myself, and struggling for ten years being a single mother of three.  I made it though with a roof over our heads and food in their mouth without a career, and being in so much pain physically and emotionally.  I was told to stop, and I have.  Stop running around, and caring for everyone else and not yourself.  I would much prefer to care for others, I don't know why.  I comforts me to know I can make someone else feel better.  I am working on turning that energy onto myself, and focusing on my own healing.  My body knows what it needs, and I am finally learning to listen.  It is comforting to know I will be okay, and I am taking care of myself, it is actually a relief.  The emotional stuff I need to go through during this time is not fun, but I know it is necessary for me to let go and blend the past with who I am now.  To start finding the lost parts of my soul that disappeared when I was crying at home as a child.  When I heard my parents arguing, my mother crying, leaving me feel so much pain, grief, and aloneness.  My heart breaks for my mother to have gone through all of this.  Most of the memories I have from the past are not new to me, I just don't understand why they have to keep coming up so much.  This is why it is pretty beneficial to allow yourself to go back to your past, talk to your inner child, comfort her and heal her.  You may not be able to do this alone, many times I have and I get stuck, and with the help of a Shaman, got much deeper into my pain, and found answers to questions I did not even know I had.  Always be kind to yourself, ask for soft, gentle lessons.  Be open and be free, let the love in, and give love.  Throughout these ups and downs, the ups are very different now.  I am happier, feeling more safe and secure than before, feeling much more loved, and appreciating everyone who is in my life now.  I appreciate so much, from the Cardinal couple that visit me daily, to my children, to my new soul family, to my niece and her boyfriend, and many other things.  I really enjoy and am grateful for the time I spend with my family, I love them dearly and appreciate the time we spend together.  I love summer, it is here, and I am enjoying each day by sitting outside as long as I can.  I just need to  manifest a place to stay down the shore, free of charge, by someone who owns a place, but hardly uses it, and is generous. And so it is.  
I also wanted to look into going camping somewhere, maybe my friend and I will go visit her son in New Hampshire since he is there for a few weeks for work.  I want to do so much in August, its the last summer month.  I haven't always been focusing on running to the beach every day, well I couldn't anyway it's too much work driving, and financially right now.   
So, I took a ride south to my home town to buy Teal a gift for when I see her, a crystal.  Well, instead of buying the moldavite I was going to get, I went for a beautiful turquoise necklace.  Boy, I hope she wears necklaces because I looked on her website for some pictures of her, and she really wasn't wearing any.  Well, I wanted to buy her a few things to say "thank you", for all she has done for me.  And she is someone who is reachable to her followers, she face books everyone back, gives you advice, support, will show up in your dreams, has love and compassion for every human being, I can go on and on.  So, I bought her a beautiful piece and can't wait to see her face when I give it to her!  I also bought some other crystals, it is always so fun in that store!  They have huge amethyst stones all over the place!
I got to skype with my soul sister quickly tonight, it was great as usual.  I see her face, her smile, and I just light up. She is such a beautiful, amazing soul, I am so blessed she is now in my life forever.
So, its 12:50 am, I have my second appointment with my Shaman, and we know what happened the first time.  So, I am excited about tomorrow to see what all this talk is about "soul retrieval".  And maybe I can calm down a little and relax!  I am such a nervous person, you don' feel nervous but I can tell by my actions after watching me on camera. Okay, I will write tomorrow about my experience!
Namaste all Day!