Today I had my second appointment with an amazing Shaman healer. I awoke in such serious pain. So, I took some Excedrin to calm it down because I HAD to go. Well, forget it, that made me vomit. Because I would have had to leave at 10:00 AM, I had to cancel. I made a phone call to her, she didn't answer, so I sent her an email. This feeling is really strange, I don't understand what is going on. Strange was that I keep flowing with tears. Just tears, uncontrollably, I don't even understand why. Not over sad memories, not from the physical pain, well it did start there. I first asked myself why I had to feel this way all the time, how not cool it was (My first problem, abandoning the way I am feeling). So, I kept crying uncontrollably, allowing myself to release whatever needed to be.
My Shaman called me back, and we spoke a bit. She explained that my ego doesn't want to let go. Hello, what? She told me she sent me an email and asked me some questions, to check it out. So I did, and I will think of what she said today. I also decided to put a shout out to Teal Swan, The Spiritual Catalyst, because I know she is interested in our spiritual progress, which this is. The crying, the pain, the suffering, is all part of that spiritual journey to enlightenment. The enlightenment is inside of us, and then we realize we are all one all connected to each other, all that same source energy surrounding us, in our veins beating in our blood. It is a difficult path of feeling and emotions, when we have pushed them aside most of our lives. But I can no longer do that, even unconsciously, due to my physical pain. I have no other choice but to walk right into the fire, the thing is, we are all already in it, but afraid to face it, face the truth, the hurts from the past. No matter if we deal with our pain or not, it will affect us even if we are ignorant of it. Even if we aren't at all aware or enlightened it's there in our rage. It's there in our anger, our voice, our pain shines through. But we don't realize that about each other, that those angry people are just so hurt inside, just like you and I but more intense, and so they blow up. That is how their pain comes out. So, it's there no matter what.
Better to deal with it I say, and go through a different type of pain, but this time when I come out, I am shining my light so much brighter for all to see. And this allows me to be a holding hand to someone else in need, and a lending ear. We all want that connection, we thrive for it, even if we don't realize it. It is there, deep in our core, eating at us because we want to be loved, connected, cared for and understood. Through our spiritual journey we realize the importance of sharing our pain, and that sends a wave to allow others to share their own pain, and thus we heal together. We must be patient with our healing, healing takes time. We should allow it, and accept it while it is happening. Like I am doing today with my pain, I am going to sit with it today, honor myself and my pain, and let the tears shed. Shed of releasing stuff I am not even aware of. But this time, honoring myself enough to stay with it, and not run out the door and run some errand, or watch something to take my mind off. To just sit with it and be with it and accept it along with asking myself questions.
After checking out face book, and getting support from my tribe there, I decided to call one of my soul buddies. She was a tremendous support, telling me this is an opportunity to accept my ego and get to know it, not to chase it away, because that is abandoning ourselves. So, her words comforted me. I have been outside for awhile so I think I will go inside and take a nap.
After laying down, I decide to check my email and see if Teal got back to me on face book, and she did. I specifically asked her how our ego could be so strong that it can cause pain in your physical body. She explained the ego will do anything to hold on, without the physical illusion, the ego has nothing. The ego is fear and worry and will dissolve. (That was my thought). She also explained a part of me is not ready for this process and of moving forward, and I should be aware of this to help the process. Once again I am grateful for Teal, she is so amazing, so caring and compassionate with unconditional love. So psyched she responded, and I will sit with this for awhile, which I am.
After sitting with those thoughts, I told my ego it was all going to be okay. Whatever happens you served me well, I love you and thank you. I told it not to be afraid of the changes, all will be okay. I don't know why I said all of this, it just came to me, and when it comes, it is from a higher source, so now I know to listen. To listen to my intuition, and my Spirit Guides. It is so beautiful on this journey to have spirit guides to help us along. The sad thing is we are not taught this as a child, and some of us many never become aware of them again. I realized my guides were those little voices in my head telling me what to do all along and I ignored them. Telling me to stop giving all of my energy to being a nanny, to follow my spiritual talents for abundance. For months I heard this voice and ignored it. I ignored it because I needed the money so badly and love the families so much. Know I know, now I listen, and now I love that connection, and honor it.
See, even through all of this pain I am in physically and emotionally, I am growing, changing, raising my vibration. And I see this more when I am out there in the world, and synchronicity's occur all day. And manifestations like the day I spent with my niece and her husband. And the people I see on the street now are all loving, kind, open souls, and I see our connection more and more.
I have been painting my daughter's bedroom the last few days, and now that it is finished and she is gone for the day, I want my son to come and help me put the furniture in her room. He is on his way now so we can get that done, and surprise her when she gets home! Yay, she's been talking to a guy and he has been acting weird, so it will help cheer her up, he room is larger than the other room she had. My son came with his friend, and we finished her room. I had the urge to paint so was getting it ready before he came. I keep getting the urges to write and paint all the time now, but now I am going to act on it more than I have. It seems I am putting other things first, who even knows what, but not what I am being called to do right now. I am going to follow the advice, just for today follow your joy, do what makes you feel good. Love yourself, be kind to yourself, and I wish everyone soft, easy lessons on their life path!
Namaste, love and peace always!
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