Good Morning
This feeling has been so very crazy, this feeling inside is like a beautiful, magnificent flower just opened up in my heart. And this flower is filled with love. My cup is so filled, it is overflowing. This little girl inside has changed my life. She has made me feel whole, more complete, more secure about who I am and what I need to do. My words are more kind, more loving, all the time. I am so happy and so grateful about everything now. It is that feeling you get when you fall in love, but I have fallen in love with me, myself, my little girl that came home. I was lost, I feel found, I do not feel alone anymore, at least not now. I have a new chance at life now, loving myself, giving to the world like I want to give, my body being at ease.
Today I get to see my Shaman again! So excited I am to see her. She has a Shamanic Journey at a yoga studio where she works. I have never done this, but it's a meditation to take you to other dimensions and get in touch with your guides. I know I am right where I am suppose to be, see how everything is falling so into place for me right now?
Now, all I think about is writing, writing everything that I am feeling and going through because there are so many changes in me each day. Before my soul retrieval I was having so many days of tears, and feeling so much like I could not take or deal with the feelings I was having. Feelings of not knowing how to handle this place anymore, feeling so disoriented. I don't feel that way any longer, I feel whole and complete. I think I am starting to feel what my Shaman was explaining, the Universal love that is everywhere, and having my heart open to that. This is how she started facilitating my healing, asking me what if the love I felt for this man I missed is just a tip on the ice burg? What if that love can not even compare to love love all around us, in our heart and in our world. Wow, there aren't even words for that feeling, right?
First of all, I don't understand why many spiritual leaders haven't explained this. This is so powerful, I would be telling everyone this. And if we are not feeling this love, there are reasons why that we can work through and figure out. For me, it was those feelings as a child of being alone, sad scared, feeling abandoned. Those were the feelings I blew into the stone when my Shaman asked me to in the beginning of the ceremony. It was like a ceremony, the rattles, the drums, the breathing, all to help guide my little girl back home, back to me! It was so intense that the energy was pouring out of my hands, especially my right hand, it was on fire! My breathing got very deep, very intense, for as long as I could breathe that way, then I remember thinking I was exhausted and needed to slow down. And that is when she came, easily, willingly, happily. That is a blessing as well, because my Shaman told me some souls don't want to come back, they are made and angry. I have been telling her she is safe here now with me, it is safe, and what happened was a very long time ago. I keep thanking her all the time for coming back home to me, and telling her how much I love her, how excited I am to have her back, and how I feel she is my new best friend! After leaving the Shaman, I asked her what name she would like, I said to myself, "Carol", and the name "Kady" came after that, so that is her name, Kady. The funny story is that I only know one Kady, and I know her from Teal. We met in Atlanta, I was selling Teal's artwork, and she appeared at the table, all bubbly, laughing, giggling, just bouncing up and down with joy. I couldn't get over her energy. Then, back at the house when I was very emotional, she just held me and held me, comforting, never letting go. She was an anchor in my storm, and I thank her for that. Now I see Kady was there to remind me of my own little girl, and she did. Now, she is in my heart and I have her forever, and I am forever grateful.I still love staying in. I love the home stuff and love to write, and pulled out stuff to paint as well. I love sitting out back with the birds, and the cardinal couple come to see me. And the blue jays, I actually saw a couple together yesterday. While I was driving, I asked Kady what I can do for her and she answered she wanted to go to the forest. I told her we would go all the time, and I truly love it there too. I am just trying to find a private spot since I live in Bergen County with homes around, not many forests! I am thinking of taking a trip to the Delaware Water Gap alone for a day or two. Maybe I will get my son and his friend to take a day trip with me there and go walking. The trees, water and sun always did something wonderful to me. Camping with my sister in law last summer at the Delaware Water Gap was a life changing experience also. To be outside in the earth, waking up to the dawn in the trees, it is magical. I am so excited to see what Kady has to teach me about the trees. Will I maybe writing children's books about the knowledge in the trees? You know me, I am all about the kids. I guess because I have been searching for my child for a very long time, and now she is home and I am blessed.
Just got off the phone with Cherie, planning things to do Friday night before Teal! Oh my, I am getting so nervous! So much to do now! Since Cherie planned to hang out at the Hotel Friday night in the Court yard, I realized what I could do to help. Since I am Certified by Doreen Virtue as an Angel Card Reader, and she has other cards as well, Goddess, Romance, and Life Purpose to name a few. I am also a distributor for Young Living Oils, these crazy, high energy oils. I love them, and they are like miracles here on earth to help us along our path. They have created oil blends, and I have bought an oil named, "inner child", specifically for this workshop. It helps with exactly what the word says, helping us all heal that little child that we sent away because it was to hard for us to bear. Now is time to call that child back with love, and tell her she is loved, and that you are there now for her. Keep telling her this when that sadness arises, and eventually she will feel safe and comforted and will come home.
And that is when you will start feeling that sense of peace, that inner oneness, that Universal flow of love that is always there and does not stop. We just stop it with our fear and worry, our ego not wanting us to stay in the present moment. My advice is to just start breathing, just breath! Calm your mind down, calm down the chatter, take the time to do this and all the answers in your heart will come to you, I promise you. You see, no one knows your feelings more than you do, and there is no reason to hide them and cover them up. That makes it harder, you more angry, and you blow up to the people you truly love, all because your heart is aching to be whole, to have that little child back in your lap, a part of you again forever. Trust me, it is worth the fight, worth the struggle to fight for yourself, for your own life. Look at how fast people leave this earth due to cancer, and dis-ease. It is the same, it is one, when Teal looked at me and told me she felt my energy was like a "terminally ill patient", I cried. Who wouldn't cry? I had a huge knot in my throat, and she asked me, "Don't you feel that way"? I said no, then yes. Yes to when I was vomiting badly in bed for two days, yes, I wanted to be taken away to a peaceful, pain free place. I will never allow myself to do that again. But, now its over, gone, and I am worry free. I am much better than worry free, I am as free as I have ever been. Free, grateful, blessed, ecstatic, I could go on forever.
Okay, I have to run to my Shaman Journey, I will write tonite!
Love and Light! <3
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