Hello
I got to spend the day today with the family I use to care for. My daughters were suppose to come with me, and an argument occurred and they never made it. I was upset they couldn't forget about it, and just come, but it is what I have done in the past as well. I have gotten mad and not wanted to go when we had plans to do something as well. I don't get why I was snotty so much, growing up, with my husband, and even to my children. I was so blinded to it all, blinded that I was so snotty also. I can not blame them for their actions, as they are a result of me, us, my husband and I. I wish I could change so much from the past, but can not. I can only accept today, and make better, calmer, more loving memories for us.
When I arrived, they were in a new home, a huge home compared to the small Cape they lived in before. It was awesome to see them, and take selfies with them. We played outside on the skateboards for awhile, and walked to the lake that they are five minutes from. It was so different being in this new home of theirs, it is huge compared to the small cape they were in. The older daughter actually said she liked her previous small cape cod better, being more homey, and telling me, "who needs this big house anyway!" So cute she is, actually she's beautiful, blond curls in her hair, and beautiful blue eyes. I am so blessed to have had wonderful families to be with, to help along this journey. So many of them have touched my hearts forever. And this family my children know very well because there were so many days I was in so much pain, one of them would come and help me. The children loved my children caring for them more than me, I suppose they were more fun and free. I was so thankful to them at the time, and my one daughter didn't have a job, so she came and helped me when I needed it, and loved them as well.
The older boy was fishing, so I didn't get to see him very long. I use to play basketball with him all the time, so he didn't feel as if I was only spending time with his two sisters, the girls. He is a great kid as well, so much fun to be around. And the youngest child, who we loved so much because she was only two years old when I started working for them, was the cutest thing ever. She was tough, even trying to keep up with her brother outside, and very physical. Skateboarding at three years old, wild and free. She was just the cutest thing ever with her blonde curls as well, and ate every green vegetable I prepared for her.
It was great to see their Dad, as I was close to him because he relieved me after the day was over. He is a really nice, kind, loving man, grateful for his life. His wife is a Physical Therapist, and he left his job a few years ago and is raising the kids. That was why I left, they no longer needed me. But, we have always kept in touch, as I love them. We enjoyed the day outside, walking in the woods to the lake, talking, and just hanging out. It was sad to leave, as it always is for me, wondering when we will meet again.
I am trying to see time differently, not as so serious and stagnant, but free flowing, continuing, knowing I will see everyone again soon.
Monday, July 27, 2015
Sunday, July 26, 2015
August 21, 2014
Hello
I finally went to see the four kids I use to care for! Oh my Lord, I didn't know how much I missed them. When I got to the house, the two families were together which was great. The kids all ran towards me, and I bent down to say hello filled with so many kisses! It was awesome, what a way to get recharged. And both moms gave me the biggest hugs ever, telling me how much they missed me too, feeling badly they never got in touch with me to reconnect.
They were on their way to a Talent Show they were having for the Camp they attended. so, I went along with them, picking up their parents too, who I know well. They were so sweet, asking me what I am doing, and how my kids were doing and genuinely caring. The Talent Show was cool, and the smaller two were on my lap. They told me the kids missed me a lot, and I felt badly that I didn't get there sooner. I felt the younger girls sadness, like I just left her, and I did. It made me sad. The other girl came up to me and hugged me so sweetly around my waist, and put her head on my belly, so lovingly and gently, it was so special. They showered me with so much love, helping me realize how much love I have around me. Boy, now I truly know what to do when I feel lonely, just go see them and be around them, accepting all the love they have to give back to me! I am so lucky and blessed to have them part of my life. I know now that I have to visit them much more often, planning to go for dinner at least one day a month, planed so it happens!
Time has just flown by for me since I have been back from Chicago in June, summer blinked by. I had the best summer ever, relaxing, caring for myself, realizing what I truly want to do here on this earth, and not worrying about one thing. Now, summer is almost over, with only a week to go, and it always saddens me to say goodbye to this time of the year. I live for summer all year, it is my favorite time of the year here in New Jersey, and hate to see it go. I love the beach, the ocean, the forest, the water, it all gives me so much energy, I don't know what I will do without it this winter. Last winter was very hard for me, so cold, not even wanting to go out into the crazy world, just wanting to stay in, cuddle by the fire and chill out with my kids. I don't know what is going on with housing for me, I may only be here for a few more months, eventually moving because of finances and my children wanting their own place. I don't know where I want to be, so many different choices I have, but would love a home with people in it, not really wanting to live "all alone". Growing up with six brothers, and having family around always, I love the company. Even in College, we use to have Sunday dinners at my house, with my brothers, and their wives, before they even had kids. It was so nice, I remember many BBQ's on Sundays, a family day to me still. I love sharing moments with others, laughing, bonding, having that connection. I do not have that enough with others now in my life, and I recognize that, and want that to change. There aren't many people I would want to live with though, either, being very picky because I feel their energy so much, and our energies have to match, or I have to leave the room. I even went into the Post Office the other day, and the Postman's energy was so bad, I couldn't even stand near him, I was bubbly, ready to pop with joy, and he was complaining and depressed. So, I stayed as far away from him as possible! So much new stuff going on in my life, that I have not been aware of before. Well, I actually was aware of it, but had no idea to what it was, or what was going on. I always felt, when I am so happy and feel high, people do not like that, I suppose it threatens them some how, and they get nasty, or give you that negative vibe. I am thankful I now have the knowledge to just walk away from them. Even if it is my own children, I walk away. Their energy always changes it we come back together. I even have realized how my energy has changed so much when I get back from a Teal Swan Workshop, that I can't be around my own children for a week or two, my energy is so high. Then, after about two weeks, they seem to get use to that energy and come around. It is a pretty crazy thing that all of this energy stuff and vibrational stuff is happening, and I never even knew it before, and so many others are still not aware of it. I would like to make you aware of it, because it is really important stuff. We are all energy, and people come into our life that we are a vibrational match to. High vibration, lower vibrations, all due to our thoughts, attitudes and beliefs. Obviously if we are really happy and positive, our vibration will be higher than someone who is sad and depressed. And since like attracts like, that is who will pop up into your life. So we can tell our own energy by who is appearing in our lives. My energy is higher than it has ever been, thanks to Teal Swan's Workshops, the inner child work I have been doing, and the Shaman that I have seen. I am on the road to so many big things, I can't wait to see them manifest!
Namaste
I finally went to see the four kids I use to care for! Oh my Lord, I didn't know how much I missed them. When I got to the house, the two families were together which was great. The kids all ran towards me, and I bent down to say hello filled with so many kisses! It was awesome, what a way to get recharged. And both moms gave me the biggest hugs ever, telling me how much they missed me too, feeling badly they never got in touch with me to reconnect.
They were on their way to a Talent Show they were having for the Camp they attended. so, I went along with them, picking up their parents too, who I know well. They were so sweet, asking me what I am doing, and how my kids were doing and genuinely caring. The Talent Show was cool, and the smaller two were on my lap. They told me the kids missed me a lot, and I felt badly that I didn't get there sooner. I felt the younger girls sadness, like I just left her, and I did. It made me sad. The other girl came up to me and hugged me so sweetly around my waist, and put her head on my belly, so lovingly and gently, it was so special. They showered me with so much love, helping me realize how much love I have around me. Boy, now I truly know what to do when I feel lonely, just go see them and be around them, accepting all the love they have to give back to me! I am so lucky and blessed to have them part of my life. I know now that I have to visit them much more often, planning to go for dinner at least one day a month, planed so it happens!
Time has just flown by for me since I have been back from Chicago in June, summer blinked by. I had the best summer ever, relaxing, caring for myself, realizing what I truly want to do here on this earth, and not worrying about one thing. Now, summer is almost over, with only a week to go, and it always saddens me to say goodbye to this time of the year. I live for summer all year, it is my favorite time of the year here in New Jersey, and hate to see it go. I love the beach, the ocean, the forest, the water, it all gives me so much energy, I don't know what I will do without it this winter. Last winter was very hard for me, so cold, not even wanting to go out into the crazy world, just wanting to stay in, cuddle by the fire and chill out with my kids. I don't know what is going on with housing for me, I may only be here for a few more months, eventually moving because of finances and my children wanting their own place. I don't know where I want to be, so many different choices I have, but would love a home with people in it, not really wanting to live "all alone". Growing up with six brothers, and having family around always, I love the company. Even in College, we use to have Sunday dinners at my house, with my brothers, and their wives, before they even had kids. It was so nice, I remember many BBQ's on Sundays, a family day to me still. I love sharing moments with others, laughing, bonding, having that connection. I do not have that enough with others now in my life, and I recognize that, and want that to change. There aren't many people I would want to live with though, either, being very picky because I feel their energy so much, and our energies have to match, or I have to leave the room. I even went into the Post Office the other day, and the Postman's energy was so bad, I couldn't even stand near him, I was bubbly, ready to pop with joy, and he was complaining and depressed. So, I stayed as far away from him as possible! So much new stuff going on in my life, that I have not been aware of before. Well, I actually was aware of it, but had no idea to what it was, or what was going on. I always felt, when I am so happy and feel high, people do not like that, I suppose it threatens them some how, and they get nasty, or give you that negative vibe. I am thankful I now have the knowledge to just walk away from them. Even if it is my own children, I walk away. Their energy always changes it we come back together. I even have realized how my energy has changed so much when I get back from a Teal Swan Workshop, that I can't be around my own children for a week or two, my energy is so high. Then, after about two weeks, they seem to get use to that energy and come around. It is a pretty crazy thing that all of this energy stuff and vibrational stuff is happening, and I never even knew it before, and so many others are still not aware of it. I would like to make you aware of it, because it is really important stuff. We are all energy, and people come into our life that we are a vibrational match to. High vibration, lower vibrations, all due to our thoughts, attitudes and beliefs. Obviously if we are really happy and positive, our vibration will be higher than someone who is sad and depressed. And since like attracts like, that is who will pop up into your life. So we can tell our own energy by who is appearing in our lives. My energy is higher than it has ever been, thanks to Teal Swan's Workshops, the inner child work I have been doing, and the Shaman that I have seen. I am on the road to so many big things, I can't wait to see them manifest!
Namaste
Thursday, July 23, 2015
Teal Swan!!
Wow! I don't even know where to begin. Being an Aquarian, I basically have been on a spiritual quest my entire life. I remember thinking very young, what are we really hear for? Then in seventh grade I picked up my first self help book by none other than Dr. Wayne Dyer. Everything he said made so much sense to me, and I loved studying psychology and spirituality. Since my divorce ten years ago, I have plunged into my "spirituality" one hundred times more, without having a man to focus on! I have read many books, seen many speakers, attended many healings, but have not come across anyone like Teal Swan! She is the encompass of everything, she is pure love, being here on earth at this time to empower all who suffer and want a change, and all who feel they deserve better, to help raise the vibration of this planet, and to build communities together with love, kindness and support. To say she wants to make a change is an understatement! From reforming Health Care, to the Justice and education system will be a start. Her videos on you tube are self empowering, teaching us ways to handle and deal with any issue we feel we are stuck at in our life, and want to get through. She sees differently than us, seeing everything as energy, is an Intuitive healer, goes out of body, and runs workshops to empower all.
I was first turned onto Teal by a dear friend over a year ago, I was instantly in love! Amazed at such a beautiful woman, who has been through so much pain and suffering in her life, (she was abused, tortured and raped by a Mormon religious cult in Utah for over ten years) can transform for us, and help teach us a way of empowerment, focus, and creating our own reality. If you have ever heard of Ester Hicks, The Power of Attraction, you got it right. But, the difference for me is that Teal is so real, a real person, with suffering worse than we can imagine, but is all knowing, all loving, and her mission is to help change the world by empowering us, reminded us we came here to follow our dreams. To remind us of who we are, and what we want, and bring this earth to a place of peace, love and enlightenment. She will tell you just like all the others that "you create your own reality". That we are where we are because we manifested it by our "thoughts". It took me years to believe, and with Teal's help and explanations it is easier to understand. Not only can you find videos of any issue you are going through such as, worrying too much, how to stay positive, how to love yourself, how to open your third eye, how to get "out of body", etc.! I am telling you, you name it she knows it!!
I was first blessed to attend my first workshop held by Teal Swan in Tarrytown, NY in the fall of 2013. She was holding a book signing and artwork exhibit on a Friday night, her workshop was held Saturday, and there were plans to meet on Sunday with whoever wanted to attend, just to get like minded souls together and hang out. I attended her Friday night event alone, and as soon as I walked in, I was greeted by her first hand man, Blake. How nice and friendly I thought, not knowing at all who he was. Everyone I met was so friendly, and Teal was actually standing in the small room with all of us, just hanging out and talking to everyone! Wow, I was so excited to see her, feeling I already had known her from her videos. She was signing books and I waited in line to have the book I just bought signed. As I was watching her, after speaking with the person, she would take a step back and scan each person, and write in her book something. She did not rush, like most authors would have, she wrote, and then handed the book to you. The time that she takes to connect with you is incredible, like no other I have ever seen. When my turn came, she did the same, handed my book back to me, and she actually gives everyone a hug as well. Amazing! And as she did this to me, I whispered in her ear, "I feel I have known you forever", and her reply was, "you have". I don't even know where these words came from, I had no intent at all to even say that, never thinking that before. When I went outside to read her written words, she explained my mothering, well no longer needed for that matter? What? That's all I know to do is be a Mother, give, and do for others, especially for my children. But, this was the same message I have been receiving for the past year while I have been attending my "Mind, Body and Soul" expos in the area. All the same message of letting go of my children, allowing them to fly and now to take care of me! Yes, my journey to self love, how fun. She explained I do it to my self, pressure myself to still care for them, but they no longer want me to or need me to. To let go, "you are free". Okay, wow, I was so touched by the entire experience of her actually caring, and taking the time to deeply connect with another human, as long as it takes! Wow, where did she come from, through heck and back, and look at her love and compassion for all. And to enjoy the rest of her journey to help guide the globe to a more loving, compassionate, connected place, to a place to Oneness. And that is one of the new big words in the Spiritual Community, "Oneness", we are all one, all the same, all connected, always and forever. Wow, what a different, refreshing way to look at the world, instead of jealousy and power, turn to love and compassion. I am lucky to have always been a very passionate, compassionate person. Except for myself, being to hard on me, not forgiving enough from my past. I am learning now, to forgive, and love, and move on.
Her belief is we have been here millions of times, so many past lives not even worth talking about, because the point here, on this earth now, is to get what you want! To manifest whatever you want, she always is telling you that. Because, that is the reason we came here in the first place!! To get what we want! Pretty nice way to look at it to me, we can have what we want and be in a state of joy and love. After I left her I could not wait to see what she wrote. It seems like she wrote her own private message to each and every person there! Her message to me was one I was receiving all year from other people as well, my three children are grown, let them spread their wings and fly! They don't need me anymore, and now I am free to do whatever else it is I am here to do! I was shocked after reading this, knowing she knows nothing about me.
The night did not end there, she also put the small group of us, maybe forty people through an exercise to help release trauma held in our bodies. She explained how when an animal gets hurt naturally their body trembles, it trembles to release the pain. We hold our pain in our bodies, and this exercise can help release that pain. She put us through many different body movements, and our bodies were trembling. I left that night feeling so blessed to have been able to share that space with her, and in aww of her presence!
Teal runs her workshops very different than any other I have seen. She actually invites someone up from the group, and chooses that person because of their energy. She explains that the group will usually have the same vibration, the same energy, and our issues will usually be the same. So she chooses the person who's energy best matches the group, so there will be a group healing as well. The individual she picks will have to do some soul searching, to get to the root of their problem, at times some are hesitant. But, she will be the first to tell you she plays hardball. You will leave with a very clear message, following that message is on you. Each person chosen sent me a message, especially the woman who was speaking about being a mother, and Teal telling her to let her children go. To let them decide and make choices on their own, to grow up and be free. Of course that resonated with me, reassuring me to allow my children the freedom to grow and leave, without them feeling they have to stay with me because I have no other.
After the workshop I was able to talk to like minded souls, so happy and vibrant, all of us so excited to be there, to be in her presence, to be part of something so much bigger than ourselves.
I woke up on Sunday with the bad migraines I get that cause me to vomit. I was bummed and disappointed, looking for relief from attending such a high energy event. But, today was the day we were meeting in Central Park, to hang out and get to know each other. I was told Blake was going to be there, and was excited to have the opportunity to be able to hang out with him. I dragged myself into the City, I am only twenty minutes away, pulled up on the street right near Central Park, and found a place to park right away. The day was awesome, even through the pain. I met the most beautiful people ever, including Blake. We hung out in Central Park, and it was a beautiful day! We talked, and even did some meditations. I felt great having some new friends, with the same vision as me, the same like minded souls wanting to love and find peace in this world. We are the change!
My Second workshop with Teal Swan
Now, I just returned from Atlanta, my second Workshop of Teal's. I can't even to begin to explain my experience. First off, it was planned on my Birthday! When I saw that, I knew the Universe was telling me to go. To go even though I have never flew alone, and rarely travel anymore. But, remembering her message to me, "it's my time to be free", I assumed this was a good way to start. To start caring for myself, and not only everyone else in my life. I was a stay at home mom, a caretaker, and I have been a single mom of three for ten years. I am the one who always gives, will give to you before myself, and am finally learning to slow down because my body is breaking down. Crying in pain since College, with a bad injury to my neck from an injury in gymnastics in High School, leaving me with neck pain and migraines I have been vomiting with ever since.
As I planned my trip to Atlanta, a group of friends all connected through Teal, decided to rent a house instead of getting hotel rooms. So much more personal, warm and loving. I was lucky enough to have met a friend at Central Park, who I hooked up with and shared a room. I left Friday morning to catch my flight, from a small airport in Mercer/Trenton. As I was waiting in line, I turned around, and who was there but her! She was with her friend, but was joining me at the house. I was thrilled to be on my journey with her and her friend.
It was a journey in itself, just getting off the plane, taking two trains before we arrived at our destination. Two girls from the house picked us up. After arriving at the house, I unloaded myself, came downstairs to meet everyone who was there, about ten of us. We all seemed to talk about our "stories", the pain and suffering we have been through in our lives. It was so beautiful to see people you didn't even know, sharing their pain, and comforting each other with kind words of support. As the day turned into night, more and more loving souls appeared at the door, all being greeted with words of love and of course hugs. This is a hugging group! You will not leave without receiving some serious healing hugs! There was food being cooked for all by two beautiful sisters, who eat gluten and sugar free, just like I have been trying to do. After eating we sat down for some meditations, and it was awesome. We were asked to pick a partner, look in their eyes and repeat some affirmations, one being, "I love and except myself always". Well, that was the start of my tears, and they didn't leave the entire weekend. I suppose I do have a hard one with that, I do blame myself for a lot of mistakes I have made in the past, that has affected my children and myself a great deal. It is hard for me to forgive myself, accept life as it is now, and let go! It is a work in progress, and to say this weekend helped in every way to my growth is an understatement!
I woke up Saturday, it was my Birthday. I actually woke up crying, missing my children, and they called me to say "Hello". See, there I go again, feeling guilty I am in Atlanta alone, and not home with them. I love my children dearly, they are the one that give me strength in my life. I also woke in pretty bad pain, in my back, neck and that migraine I get that causes me to vomit. I wasn't very happy to say the least. I decided to volunteer, because I wanted to help and get involved. My one friend from the house came with me. We arrived with lots to do, we set up tables for Teal's artwork, jewelry, and a Billboard Campaign that is in the process. I got to meet Blake again, and spent a few moments with him. I also helped set up the chairs for the room, which was suppose to hold 200 loving souls. Because we were there so early, we had the opportunity to grab a front row seat. When it was time to be seated, I saw a man that looked like Teal's husband sitting right next to me, and it was him. How awesome I thought.
After Teal appeared and sat down, she started with a help the group's energy become more in sync. Her workshop is run like no other I have ever been to, more like a psychologist diving deep into your issues, so you can deal with them, rid them, and shine! At her workshops there is always an overall thought or issue to deal with due to the energy of the group. She started with a Chakra the mediation, and stopped at the solar plexus and said this is where most of us need the work done, about self esteem. Wow, I know I have been working on this a great deal the past year, since so many individuals gave me messages as well. She explained this to us and then wanted to start right away, I hesitated as I raised my hand, not 100% sure I wanted everyone to know my pain. She chose a woman seated a few seats from me, who was staying in the house with us. She spoke about self esteem, letting go of others for each of us to grow, and to love ourselves. As she sat in front of me, so close I felt we were having our own private conversation as she connect with me through her eyes, I turned everything she was expressing to others, inward about myself. About healing that inner child when the gentleman who fell into a whole had to accept his feelings of abandonment. As much as he resisted, Teal kept probing, not giving up for him to acknowledge what happened to him and how he felt. She explained about our "inner child", a child inside of us, that is always there, and always needs to be loved and comforted. So it seems if we had past traumas as children, and did not express that pain, it resides inside of us still, in our bodies somewhere. The emotions need to be released, expressed in order to heal. The gentleman finally realized the pain that incident caused him, and was able to get through that pain and feeling of abandonment, and start to grow and heal from there. I envisioned myself as a young child, and the age I came to when I asked myself how old was I when I was sad at home? I was pretty young, and I was crying about my pain, my parents always argued, and I cried in bed a lot when I was young, And my brothers and I fought a lot, and I recall being punched in the stomach all the time, and I couldn't breathe!
Another soul was chosen, another woman from the house! She cried so many tears, asking why her two young dogs would die around the same time and leave her? They were poisoned by a neighbor and she was heartbroken. She said she put all of her stuff in storage, and decided to buy a mobile home, and go somewhere, but she had no idea as to where to go. What Teal said to her was heartbreaking, explaining she needs to take off, and the dogs were holding her back! She explained the dogs were leaving this earth now for her, so she could grow and continue on her journey.
We stopped for lunch and I helped again selling Teal's artwork, jewelry and books. It was so nice for me to meet so may beautiful like minded souls, speaking about how awesome and cool Teal was. She is cool because she is so human, so real, has gone through so much pain and suffering, but has emerged through it all to "help us remember". To help us remember who we truly are, what we are truly here to do. When you look at life as coming down to this earth so we can manifest what we want, to have bliss, because that is all there is, love and bliss, is to look at the world with new fresh eyes. It has helped me transform my thinking, on my way to manifesting all I desire. Being a single mother for the past ten years, there has been many struggles. Struggles with only being allowed to be a part time mother due to my ex wanting custody, and struggles with finances, being a stay at home mom and never working didn't help to provide for myself and three children after my divorce. I literally cried the first few years, every day they were not with me. It is still something I struggle with and am trying to let go of. Now my children are growing up and want to spread their wings and fly. So, I am on my own journey, one of healing myself and helping others. So, when Teal explained we came here to be happy and to create what will make us happy, it woke something up inside, and made me realize wow, I can do that if it works. So, that is where my mind has been leading towards the past few months, a new life, a new me, doing exactly what I want to do to be happy and in bliss.
The second session was just as awesome. Teal chose one individual who ended up being a Doctor in Florida, speaking about reforming health care, how sad it is the hospitals keep the dying elderly hooked up to machines to live, instead of letting their bodies die, all for money. We have all heard this before, but now there needs to be a change. Teal spoke of her visions for the future, and reforming health care was one of them. She was very inspiring.
So many of the individuals chosen had people to let go of. As if we are all in the stages of transformation, and what no longer serves us needs to go, including some people as well, in order for the new, amazing energy to flow through! My heart broke for the beautiful young woman who was so brave to be on stage and cry about loosing her two small dogs around the same time! As Teal explained, they were holding her back, and now she is free to go to another place that will serve her well, but that is still a hard thing to chew. Change is hard for many of us, the unknown. I laugh because when I was young, I embraced it, I loved change, running around, visiting people, changing around my room, etc. And now, I am learning again to have faith in the Universe. It is freedom and liberating to allow the worries to fall, and have the feeling of peace and love inside.
Most of the people chosen were questioning their life path, where to go, what to do next, not being happy where they were in life.
Many times my migraine will make me vomit, sometimes in bed for two days vomiting, and now after eating a little lunch I felt that bad. I finally had to get up in between her picking a new individual, and hang out in the bathroom awhile. I had to vomit, was pretty sad, and then I hung out in the back of the room for awhile. This was terrible! It was my birthday, I wasn't home, I was with Teal Swan, and all I wanted to do was to enjoy the day, without my pain getting out of control. And look, just great, so bad I had to get into the bathroom! All I wanted to do was ask Teal why? Why am I in so much pain? I wanted to ask her to please help me because I can't do this anymore. I have gone to so many Doctors with no one able to help free me of my pain. Teal did explain to the gentleman that was stuck in the hole for a few hours that his back pain was from his emotions, blocked emotions that need to be released, making me realize she was talking to me as well. My neck pain, my past traumas, well, I have lots of them! Where should I start? So I have a lot of work to do then, I said to myself. I have childhood pain, pain from my ex, and my children and I have hurt each other with our words as well. It was so interesting, the gentlemen did not want to break down, and get to the root of the problem, avoiding his feelings, until Teal kept probing at them. It is hard to let go, face the past we weren't even aware of happening, and being on stage in front of so many others. I give everyone so much credit for getting on that stage with Teal, and opening up their heart to change, to come to a place of understanding, peace, and happiness, hopefully. Very brave souls, each and every one of them was.
Another soul appeared, and she was wearing very bright, eccentric clothing, she was African American with a beautiful smile on her face. She explained how she was tired of people, and how they were, and how she felt she did not fit in. Teal explained her bright clothes were because she wanted to "wake" everyone up!
Everyone who was chosen to speak to Teal was very, very brave. To sit in front of around 250 people, spilling your guts, and on Live stream is brave. I bless every one of them for having that courage. And, in helping themselves, they helped us. To realize we all have the same issues, going through the same thing at the time, to go inside and look within. Then heal it, and turn it into self love, love thyself first and the rest will be bliss. Because in loving ourselves we are expressing total Source/God energy to help change the energy and vibration of the planet to Love. We can do it, I know we can. And with new souls such as Teal, it will be done! I am blessed and honored to be part of this at this time in life!
When it was completed, we helped clean up, and went our merry way home. I got to the house and went straight upstairs to lay down. I woke up around 9:30 and went downstairs because the girls said they were going to make me a Birthday cake and make homemade gluten free pizza! How awesome. When I came down I sat on the couch to be still. Friends came to talk, and as we were speaking about my pain being emotional I cried like a baby. Two compassionate, loving friends who I had just met held me, hugged me, kissed me and consoled me, I was so upset I didn't even realize what was going on, I just went with the moment and let go. After some time crying, I finally got to the table to sing. They were all so sweet, I felt embarrassed so many were singing for me, not a sight I have had maybe even ever. It was so awesome, so much love in the air. That's what's different about this group, they are all about loving and accepting you as their brother, because they know better, they know we are all one, all connected, all the same but different. The love I felt that weekend was like no other. I wasn't a mother, I was a friend. I was a child who needed to be cared for and loved, and that is what I got! Everyone was so kind, giving of themselves, compassionate and interested in you, it was incredible. As I told my story, I received so much wisdom and caring from others, I went home holding all of it. They filled my heart with love, so much love my cup is running over! This feeling seems new for me, always questioning my past decisions, blaming myself for past pain and hurting others. Self love I have been working on, but not like this. This was what I needed to give me strength, to pick up the pieces and go, go fly and accomplish my dreams that have been in the works for years. The group even brought gifts for one another, including small heart shaped glass hearts, and books to share, it was such a beautiful sight! Blake, who works with Teal, even came to the house Saturday night after the Workshop. I did not get to talk to him much because I wasn't downstairs long. But, he had brought CD's for people, and when he found out it was my birthday, he said he had one extra and gave it to me! Such a big heart, remember he was the first person to say "Hello" to me at the first workshop I attended! "I think I am in the right spot!" I am saying to myself now, with so much genuine love for one another, absolutely knowing without a doubt we are all one, one in the same, all here to help guide the Universe to more love!! I love it! I am so thrilled I have found my other home, my soul family. I never felt so much love in one place, in that house, in my entire life. I loved being a mother, and caring for my babies will always be the biggest joy in my life, but they are now grown, ready to fly away. And I have realized I need to help the children, on a much broader scale, caring for as many as I can to show them the love they need, the love they are inside, and how they can accomplish whatever they want.
So, that is what I am doing, since I have gotten back, I have been so creative! Wanting to write, to paint, to draw, to clean out my clutter, it's crazy! The energy flowing through me is amazing, so free and happy. Knowing all is well, and now I have a new "soul family", and the love that has filled into my heart from them, causing this amazing flow of energy through me. Right now all is good, all is fine, and feels as if it will be better than okay, it will be wonderful and magical! And we will all be able to shine our light so bright!
Amen, Namaste, Shante, Om
I was first turned onto Teal by a dear friend over a year ago, I was instantly in love! Amazed at such a beautiful woman, who has been through so much pain and suffering in her life, (she was abused, tortured and raped by a Mormon religious cult in Utah for over ten years) can transform for us, and help teach us a way of empowerment, focus, and creating our own reality. If you have ever heard of Ester Hicks, The Power of Attraction, you got it right. But, the difference for me is that Teal is so real, a real person, with suffering worse than we can imagine, but is all knowing, all loving, and her mission is to help change the world by empowering us, reminded us we came here to follow our dreams. To remind us of who we are, and what we want, and bring this earth to a place of peace, love and enlightenment. She will tell you just like all the others that "you create your own reality". That we are where we are because we manifested it by our "thoughts". It took me years to believe, and with Teal's help and explanations it is easier to understand. Not only can you find videos of any issue you are going through such as, worrying too much, how to stay positive, how to love yourself, how to open your third eye, how to get "out of body", etc.! I am telling you, you name it she knows it!!
I was first blessed to attend my first workshop held by Teal Swan in Tarrytown, NY in the fall of 2013. She was holding a book signing and artwork exhibit on a Friday night, her workshop was held Saturday, and there were plans to meet on Sunday with whoever wanted to attend, just to get like minded souls together and hang out. I attended her Friday night event alone, and as soon as I walked in, I was greeted by her first hand man, Blake. How nice and friendly I thought, not knowing at all who he was. Everyone I met was so friendly, and Teal was actually standing in the small room with all of us, just hanging out and talking to everyone! Wow, I was so excited to see her, feeling I already had known her from her videos. She was signing books and I waited in line to have the book I just bought signed. As I was watching her, after speaking with the person, she would take a step back and scan each person, and write in her book something. She did not rush, like most authors would have, she wrote, and then handed the book to you. The time that she takes to connect with you is incredible, like no other I have ever seen. When my turn came, she did the same, handed my book back to me, and she actually gives everyone a hug as well. Amazing! And as she did this to me, I whispered in her ear, "I feel I have known you forever", and her reply was, "you have". I don't even know where these words came from, I had no intent at all to even say that, never thinking that before. When I went outside to read her written words, she explained my mothering, well no longer needed for that matter? What? That's all I know to do is be a Mother, give, and do for others, especially for my children. But, this was the same message I have been receiving for the past year while I have been attending my "Mind, Body and Soul" expos in the area. All the same message of letting go of my children, allowing them to fly and now to take care of me! Yes, my journey to self love, how fun. She explained I do it to my self, pressure myself to still care for them, but they no longer want me to or need me to. To let go, "you are free". Okay, wow, I was so touched by the entire experience of her actually caring, and taking the time to deeply connect with another human, as long as it takes! Wow, where did she come from, through heck and back, and look at her love and compassion for all. And to enjoy the rest of her journey to help guide the globe to a more loving, compassionate, connected place, to a place to Oneness. And that is one of the new big words in the Spiritual Community, "Oneness", we are all one, all the same, all connected, always and forever. Wow, what a different, refreshing way to look at the world, instead of jealousy and power, turn to love and compassion. I am lucky to have always been a very passionate, compassionate person. Except for myself, being to hard on me, not forgiving enough from my past. I am learning now, to forgive, and love, and move on.
Her belief is we have been here millions of times, so many past lives not even worth talking about, because the point here, on this earth now, is to get what you want! To manifest whatever you want, she always is telling you that. Because, that is the reason we came here in the first place!! To get what we want! Pretty nice way to look at it to me, we can have what we want and be in a state of joy and love. After I left her I could not wait to see what she wrote. It seems like she wrote her own private message to each and every person there! Her message to me was one I was receiving all year from other people as well, my three children are grown, let them spread their wings and fly! They don't need me anymore, and now I am free to do whatever else it is I am here to do! I was shocked after reading this, knowing she knows nothing about me.
The night did not end there, she also put the small group of us, maybe forty people through an exercise to help release trauma held in our bodies. She explained how when an animal gets hurt naturally their body trembles, it trembles to release the pain. We hold our pain in our bodies, and this exercise can help release that pain. She put us through many different body movements, and our bodies were trembling. I left that night feeling so blessed to have been able to share that space with her, and in aww of her presence!
Teal runs her workshops very different than any other I have seen. She actually invites someone up from the group, and chooses that person because of their energy. She explains that the group will usually have the same vibration, the same energy, and our issues will usually be the same. So she chooses the person who's energy best matches the group, so there will be a group healing as well. The individual she picks will have to do some soul searching, to get to the root of their problem, at times some are hesitant. But, she will be the first to tell you she plays hardball. You will leave with a very clear message, following that message is on you. Each person chosen sent me a message, especially the woman who was speaking about being a mother, and Teal telling her to let her children go. To let them decide and make choices on their own, to grow up and be free. Of course that resonated with me, reassuring me to allow my children the freedom to grow and leave, without them feeling they have to stay with me because I have no other.
After the workshop I was able to talk to like minded souls, so happy and vibrant, all of us so excited to be there, to be in her presence, to be part of something so much bigger than ourselves.
I woke up on Sunday with the bad migraines I get that cause me to vomit. I was bummed and disappointed, looking for relief from attending such a high energy event. But, today was the day we were meeting in Central Park, to hang out and get to know each other. I was told Blake was going to be there, and was excited to have the opportunity to be able to hang out with him. I dragged myself into the City, I am only twenty minutes away, pulled up on the street right near Central Park, and found a place to park right away. The day was awesome, even through the pain. I met the most beautiful people ever, including Blake. We hung out in Central Park, and it was a beautiful day! We talked, and even did some meditations. I felt great having some new friends, with the same vision as me, the same like minded souls wanting to love and find peace in this world. We are the change!
My Second workshop with Teal Swan
Now, I just returned from Atlanta, my second Workshop of Teal's. I can't even to begin to explain my experience. First off, it was planned on my Birthday! When I saw that, I knew the Universe was telling me to go. To go even though I have never flew alone, and rarely travel anymore. But, remembering her message to me, "it's my time to be free", I assumed this was a good way to start. To start caring for myself, and not only everyone else in my life. I was a stay at home mom, a caretaker, and I have been a single mom of three for ten years. I am the one who always gives, will give to you before myself, and am finally learning to slow down because my body is breaking down. Crying in pain since College, with a bad injury to my neck from an injury in gymnastics in High School, leaving me with neck pain and migraines I have been vomiting with ever since.
As I planned my trip to Atlanta, a group of friends all connected through Teal, decided to rent a house instead of getting hotel rooms. So much more personal, warm and loving. I was lucky enough to have met a friend at Central Park, who I hooked up with and shared a room. I left Friday morning to catch my flight, from a small airport in Mercer/Trenton. As I was waiting in line, I turned around, and who was there but her! She was with her friend, but was joining me at the house. I was thrilled to be on my journey with her and her friend.
It was a journey in itself, just getting off the plane, taking two trains before we arrived at our destination. Two girls from the house picked us up. After arriving at the house, I unloaded myself, came downstairs to meet everyone who was there, about ten of us. We all seemed to talk about our "stories", the pain and suffering we have been through in our lives. It was so beautiful to see people you didn't even know, sharing their pain, and comforting each other with kind words of support. As the day turned into night, more and more loving souls appeared at the door, all being greeted with words of love and of course hugs. This is a hugging group! You will not leave without receiving some serious healing hugs! There was food being cooked for all by two beautiful sisters, who eat gluten and sugar free, just like I have been trying to do. After eating we sat down for some meditations, and it was awesome. We were asked to pick a partner, look in their eyes and repeat some affirmations, one being, "I love and except myself always". Well, that was the start of my tears, and they didn't leave the entire weekend. I suppose I do have a hard one with that, I do blame myself for a lot of mistakes I have made in the past, that has affected my children and myself a great deal. It is hard for me to forgive myself, accept life as it is now, and let go! It is a work in progress, and to say this weekend helped in every way to my growth is an understatement!
I woke up Saturday, it was my Birthday. I actually woke up crying, missing my children, and they called me to say "Hello". See, there I go again, feeling guilty I am in Atlanta alone, and not home with them. I love my children dearly, they are the one that give me strength in my life. I also woke in pretty bad pain, in my back, neck and that migraine I get that causes me to vomit. I wasn't very happy to say the least. I decided to volunteer, because I wanted to help and get involved. My one friend from the house came with me. We arrived with lots to do, we set up tables for Teal's artwork, jewelry, and a Billboard Campaign that is in the process. I got to meet Blake again, and spent a few moments with him. I also helped set up the chairs for the room, which was suppose to hold 200 loving souls. Because we were there so early, we had the opportunity to grab a front row seat. When it was time to be seated, I saw a man that looked like Teal's husband sitting right next to me, and it was him. How awesome I thought.
After Teal appeared and sat down, she started with a help the group's energy become more in sync. Her workshop is run like no other I have ever been to, more like a psychologist diving deep into your issues, so you can deal with them, rid them, and shine! At her workshops there is always an overall thought or issue to deal with due to the energy of the group. She started with a Chakra the mediation, and stopped at the solar plexus and said this is where most of us need the work done, about self esteem. Wow, I know I have been working on this a great deal the past year, since so many individuals gave me messages as well. She explained this to us and then wanted to start right away, I hesitated as I raised my hand, not 100% sure I wanted everyone to know my pain. She chose a woman seated a few seats from me, who was staying in the house with us. She spoke about self esteem, letting go of others for each of us to grow, and to love ourselves. As she sat in front of me, so close I felt we were having our own private conversation as she connect with me through her eyes, I turned everything she was expressing to others, inward about myself. About healing that inner child when the gentleman who fell into a whole had to accept his feelings of abandonment. As much as he resisted, Teal kept probing, not giving up for him to acknowledge what happened to him and how he felt. She explained about our "inner child", a child inside of us, that is always there, and always needs to be loved and comforted. So it seems if we had past traumas as children, and did not express that pain, it resides inside of us still, in our bodies somewhere. The emotions need to be released, expressed in order to heal. The gentleman finally realized the pain that incident caused him, and was able to get through that pain and feeling of abandonment, and start to grow and heal from there. I envisioned myself as a young child, and the age I came to when I asked myself how old was I when I was sad at home? I was pretty young, and I was crying about my pain, my parents always argued, and I cried in bed a lot when I was young, And my brothers and I fought a lot, and I recall being punched in the stomach all the time, and I couldn't breathe!
Another soul was chosen, another woman from the house! She cried so many tears, asking why her two young dogs would die around the same time and leave her? They were poisoned by a neighbor and she was heartbroken. She said she put all of her stuff in storage, and decided to buy a mobile home, and go somewhere, but she had no idea as to where to go. What Teal said to her was heartbreaking, explaining she needs to take off, and the dogs were holding her back! She explained the dogs were leaving this earth now for her, so she could grow and continue on her journey.
We stopped for lunch and I helped again selling Teal's artwork, jewelry and books. It was so nice for me to meet so may beautiful like minded souls, speaking about how awesome and cool Teal was. She is cool because she is so human, so real, has gone through so much pain and suffering, but has emerged through it all to "help us remember". To help us remember who we truly are, what we are truly here to do. When you look at life as coming down to this earth so we can manifest what we want, to have bliss, because that is all there is, love and bliss, is to look at the world with new fresh eyes. It has helped me transform my thinking, on my way to manifesting all I desire. Being a single mother for the past ten years, there has been many struggles. Struggles with only being allowed to be a part time mother due to my ex wanting custody, and struggles with finances, being a stay at home mom and never working didn't help to provide for myself and three children after my divorce. I literally cried the first few years, every day they were not with me. It is still something I struggle with and am trying to let go of. Now my children are growing up and want to spread their wings and fly. So, I am on my own journey, one of healing myself and helping others. So, when Teal explained we came here to be happy and to create what will make us happy, it woke something up inside, and made me realize wow, I can do that if it works. So, that is where my mind has been leading towards the past few months, a new life, a new me, doing exactly what I want to do to be happy and in bliss.
The second session was just as awesome. Teal chose one individual who ended up being a Doctor in Florida, speaking about reforming health care, how sad it is the hospitals keep the dying elderly hooked up to machines to live, instead of letting their bodies die, all for money. We have all heard this before, but now there needs to be a change. Teal spoke of her visions for the future, and reforming health care was one of them. She was very inspiring.
So many of the individuals chosen had people to let go of. As if we are all in the stages of transformation, and what no longer serves us needs to go, including some people as well, in order for the new, amazing energy to flow through! My heart broke for the beautiful young woman who was so brave to be on stage and cry about loosing her two small dogs around the same time! As Teal explained, they were holding her back, and now she is free to go to another place that will serve her well, but that is still a hard thing to chew. Change is hard for many of us, the unknown. I laugh because when I was young, I embraced it, I loved change, running around, visiting people, changing around my room, etc. And now, I am learning again to have faith in the Universe. It is freedom and liberating to allow the worries to fall, and have the feeling of peace and love inside.
Most of the people chosen were questioning their life path, where to go, what to do next, not being happy where they were in life.
Many times my migraine will make me vomit, sometimes in bed for two days vomiting, and now after eating a little lunch I felt that bad. I finally had to get up in between her picking a new individual, and hang out in the bathroom awhile. I had to vomit, was pretty sad, and then I hung out in the back of the room for awhile. This was terrible! It was my birthday, I wasn't home, I was with Teal Swan, and all I wanted to do was to enjoy the day, without my pain getting out of control. And look, just great, so bad I had to get into the bathroom! All I wanted to do was ask Teal why? Why am I in so much pain? I wanted to ask her to please help me because I can't do this anymore. I have gone to so many Doctors with no one able to help free me of my pain. Teal did explain to the gentleman that was stuck in the hole for a few hours that his back pain was from his emotions, blocked emotions that need to be released, making me realize she was talking to me as well. My neck pain, my past traumas, well, I have lots of them! Where should I start? So I have a lot of work to do then, I said to myself. I have childhood pain, pain from my ex, and my children and I have hurt each other with our words as well. It was so interesting, the gentlemen did not want to break down, and get to the root of the problem, avoiding his feelings, until Teal kept probing at them. It is hard to let go, face the past we weren't even aware of happening, and being on stage in front of so many others. I give everyone so much credit for getting on that stage with Teal, and opening up their heart to change, to come to a place of understanding, peace, and happiness, hopefully. Very brave souls, each and every one of them was.
Another soul appeared, and she was wearing very bright, eccentric clothing, she was African American with a beautiful smile on her face. She explained how she was tired of people, and how they were, and how she felt she did not fit in. Teal explained her bright clothes were because she wanted to "wake" everyone up!
Everyone who was chosen to speak to Teal was very, very brave. To sit in front of around 250 people, spilling your guts, and on Live stream is brave. I bless every one of them for having that courage. And, in helping themselves, they helped us. To realize we all have the same issues, going through the same thing at the time, to go inside and look within. Then heal it, and turn it into self love, love thyself first and the rest will be bliss. Because in loving ourselves we are expressing total Source/God energy to help change the energy and vibration of the planet to Love. We can do it, I know we can. And with new souls such as Teal, it will be done! I am blessed and honored to be part of this at this time in life!
When it was completed, we helped clean up, and went our merry way home. I got to the house and went straight upstairs to lay down. I woke up around 9:30 and went downstairs because the girls said they were going to make me a Birthday cake and make homemade gluten free pizza! How awesome. When I came down I sat on the couch to be still. Friends came to talk, and as we were speaking about my pain being emotional I cried like a baby. Two compassionate, loving friends who I had just met held me, hugged me, kissed me and consoled me, I was so upset I didn't even realize what was going on, I just went with the moment and let go. After some time crying, I finally got to the table to sing. They were all so sweet, I felt embarrassed so many were singing for me, not a sight I have had maybe even ever. It was so awesome, so much love in the air. That's what's different about this group, they are all about loving and accepting you as their brother, because they know better, they know we are all one, all connected, all the same but different. The love I felt that weekend was like no other. I wasn't a mother, I was a friend. I was a child who needed to be cared for and loved, and that is what I got! Everyone was so kind, giving of themselves, compassionate and interested in you, it was incredible. As I told my story, I received so much wisdom and caring from others, I went home holding all of it. They filled my heart with love, so much love my cup is running over! This feeling seems new for me, always questioning my past decisions, blaming myself for past pain and hurting others. Self love I have been working on, but not like this. This was what I needed to give me strength, to pick up the pieces and go, go fly and accomplish my dreams that have been in the works for years. The group even brought gifts for one another, including small heart shaped glass hearts, and books to share, it was such a beautiful sight! Blake, who works with Teal, even came to the house Saturday night after the Workshop. I did not get to talk to him much because I wasn't downstairs long. But, he had brought CD's for people, and when he found out it was my birthday, he said he had one extra and gave it to me! Such a big heart, remember he was the first person to say "Hello" to me at the first workshop I attended! "I think I am in the right spot!" I am saying to myself now, with so much genuine love for one another, absolutely knowing without a doubt we are all one, one in the same, all here to help guide the Universe to more love!! I love it! I am so thrilled I have found my other home, my soul family. I never felt so much love in one place, in that house, in my entire life. I loved being a mother, and caring for my babies will always be the biggest joy in my life, but they are now grown, ready to fly away. And I have realized I need to help the children, on a much broader scale, caring for as many as I can to show them the love they need, the love they are inside, and how they can accomplish whatever they want.
So, that is what I am doing, since I have gotten back, I have been so creative! Wanting to write, to paint, to draw, to clean out my clutter, it's crazy! The energy flowing through me is amazing, so free and happy. Knowing all is well, and now I have a new "soul family", and the love that has filled into my heart from them, causing this amazing flow of energy through me. Right now all is good, all is fine, and feels as if it will be better than okay, it will be wonderful and magical! And we will all be able to shine our light so bright!
Amen, Namaste, Shante, Om
February 24, 2014
Love, boy oh boy!
It's as if my eyes were wide open again, an awakening to new thoughts and realizations about myself. On my spiritual journey, I have found amazing new souls, and with that weekend of free love, compassion and understanding, it has opened up my heart to new heights!! Which is happening each and every day. Everything I do now I see so differently, surely more from a loving heart! And the love that is shared is joyous, and the raging ones seem to walk away. I feel energy in such a different way now, more intense, and see those people so different now. With much more love and compassion, trying to find their way just like me, but letting go of them to find their way.
I had a beautiful surprise this morning! One of my sister in laws called to chat, but we really don't talk on the phone, keep in touch by visiting, facebook, and texting. I actually was a bit worried at first, that there was a problem. Wow, much to my surprise we spoke of all the new awakenings I have been having about realizing the truth in others and not just pretending they are great. I have come to some harsh realities this past year about my family not being all I thought they were! All because I am learning to love myself, care for myself first, my wants and needs and ask myself "What do I want to do?" Wow, what a different way to look at life to me. I saw some family as so kind and giving to me, and in reality they were not as much as I thought. Actions do speak louder than words and Love is a verb. So, I have gently let these people go for awhile, to give me room for more loving, kind, positive people in my life. My sister in law was helping me see this, talking to her "deeper" than we ever did. I even told her, "Wow, when did you learn all of this?" I never saw her as deep and spiritual, Godly yes being raised Catholic, but not this way. She made me feel very loved, I explained how in the past I had a big bite because how I was raised with six brothers, being in the middle and pretty beaten up my entire life. Our home was filled with so much chaos, my parents always arguing and yelling, and my brothers and I fighting with each other, physical as well. I realize how It made me defensive, and I would speak my mind too much at times, hurting others feelings. Now, I try to keep my mouth quiet as much as I can, unless I am asked my opinion. I am tired of those battles, I choose not to engage in them any more. And I feel calmer, no need to go there with them.
We spoke about my childhood, not truly loving myself and feeling loved, not remembering one fun time in my house growing up. But always blessed with God's light to shine throughout my day in School, etc., because I was really happy and social. I told her how blessed she is to have such loving, kind people around her, because she has a group of friends they get together with every weekend, and she agreed. She explained how now they accept me with open arms, very lovingly, but did not years ago because the place I was in.
I have been a single mother for ten years, and it has been an emotional, financial and physical struggle, and that was my focus. My concern was to purge ahead, also in physical pain, to provide for my children and myself. I guess I was not always happy along the way. I hope I was not so rude to everyone, it was a really hard time for me. And if you are always criticized and insulted for years, how could you feel good about yourself and shine your brightest light to others? You can't! I cried for years over how my ex received custody of my kids. How he could have done this to his family, his children and me, what could he have been thinking when he was such a loving man when we married. And how I missed them so and cried for years when they weren't with me. I am glad those years are over, and have lots of making up to do to my kids, and am appreciating them each and every day!
Now my kids are grown, don't need me like before, and we will all be on a new journey soon. I have been working on what I really want to do for work, and where I want to live. I have written some children's books, I will self publish soon. This was a major self love task for me, finally owning my love for writing, and knowing I deserve it as well, and that yes, it is good enough! This is so liberating for me I feel alive and awake now. Children's books about love, loving oneself, and Angels! So fun! And moving out of this area, where my ex lives, too many reminders of sadness around me, this was where he was raised, and I never liked it! People tend to be too fast, too rushing, too rude, forgetting the meaning of life, not being very aware and conscious. But I stuck it out over thirty years, and now I am free, to go wherever I choose.
My sister in law made me feel so loved, so accepted, and I am so grateful for that. I have known her over 35 years, and there were years we did not see eye to eye on things, and did not even speak to one another. But, I told her I am happier than I have ever been, on the road to recovery of loving myself, and now honestly knowing we do create our future, we came here to create what we want to, so go do it! And, that is what I plan to do, no matter what it takes. I hope you do so as well! May all beings be free of pain and suffering in all ways!! Namaste!
It's as if my eyes were wide open again, an awakening to new thoughts and realizations about myself. On my spiritual journey, I have found amazing new souls, and with that weekend of free love, compassion and understanding, it has opened up my heart to new heights!! Which is happening each and every day. Everything I do now I see so differently, surely more from a loving heart! And the love that is shared is joyous, and the raging ones seem to walk away. I feel energy in such a different way now, more intense, and see those people so different now. With much more love and compassion, trying to find their way just like me, but letting go of them to find their way.
I had a beautiful surprise this morning! One of my sister in laws called to chat, but we really don't talk on the phone, keep in touch by visiting, facebook, and texting. I actually was a bit worried at first, that there was a problem. Wow, much to my surprise we spoke of all the new awakenings I have been having about realizing the truth in others and not just pretending they are great. I have come to some harsh realities this past year about my family not being all I thought they were! All because I am learning to love myself, care for myself first, my wants and needs and ask myself "What do I want to do?" Wow, what a different way to look at life to me. I saw some family as so kind and giving to me, and in reality they were not as much as I thought. Actions do speak louder than words and Love is a verb. So, I have gently let these people go for awhile, to give me room for more loving, kind, positive people in my life. My sister in law was helping me see this, talking to her "deeper" than we ever did. I even told her, "Wow, when did you learn all of this?" I never saw her as deep and spiritual, Godly yes being raised Catholic, but not this way. She made me feel very loved, I explained how in the past I had a big bite because how I was raised with six brothers, being in the middle and pretty beaten up my entire life. Our home was filled with so much chaos, my parents always arguing and yelling, and my brothers and I fighting with each other, physical as well. I realize how It made me defensive, and I would speak my mind too much at times, hurting others feelings. Now, I try to keep my mouth quiet as much as I can, unless I am asked my opinion. I am tired of those battles, I choose not to engage in them any more. And I feel calmer, no need to go there with them.
We spoke about my childhood, not truly loving myself and feeling loved, not remembering one fun time in my house growing up. But always blessed with God's light to shine throughout my day in School, etc., because I was really happy and social. I told her how blessed she is to have such loving, kind people around her, because she has a group of friends they get together with every weekend, and she agreed. She explained how now they accept me with open arms, very lovingly, but did not years ago because the place I was in.
I have been a single mother for ten years, and it has been an emotional, financial and physical struggle, and that was my focus. My concern was to purge ahead, also in physical pain, to provide for my children and myself. I guess I was not always happy along the way. I hope I was not so rude to everyone, it was a really hard time for me. And if you are always criticized and insulted for years, how could you feel good about yourself and shine your brightest light to others? You can't! I cried for years over how my ex received custody of my kids. How he could have done this to his family, his children and me, what could he have been thinking when he was such a loving man when we married. And how I missed them so and cried for years when they weren't with me. I am glad those years are over, and have lots of making up to do to my kids, and am appreciating them each and every day!
Now my kids are grown, don't need me like before, and we will all be on a new journey soon. I have been working on what I really want to do for work, and where I want to live. I have written some children's books, I will self publish soon. This was a major self love task for me, finally owning my love for writing, and knowing I deserve it as well, and that yes, it is good enough! This is so liberating for me I feel alive and awake now. Children's books about love, loving oneself, and Angels! So fun! And moving out of this area, where my ex lives, too many reminders of sadness around me, this was where he was raised, and I never liked it! People tend to be too fast, too rushing, too rude, forgetting the meaning of life, not being very aware and conscious. But I stuck it out over thirty years, and now I am free, to go wherever I choose.
My sister in law made me feel so loved, so accepted, and I am so grateful for that. I have known her over 35 years, and there were years we did not see eye to eye on things, and did not even speak to one another. But, I told her I am happier than I have ever been, on the road to recovery of loving myself, and now honestly knowing we do create our future, we came here to create what we want to, so go do it! And, that is what I plan to do, no matter what it takes. I hope you do so as well! May all beings be free of pain and suffering in all ways!! Namaste!
VALENTINE'S DAY!
So, this Valentine's Day is very different for me, after attending a Workshop run by Teal Swan, and being single, I realize this day is about pure love, self love, because without that, we have nothing! Without that, we allow others to hurt us, even abuse us. When I look back at my life of pain and suffering, I realize how I allowed this to happen in my life. I lived with my husband for thirty years before I had the strength to let go, and realized I did not want the yelling, arguing, and insults any longer. I read a saying once, something about the day you leave an unhealthy relationship, is the day you realize you deserve to be treated better, coming back to a place of self love. But, that is not always so easy after a lifetime of pain that many of us seem to have had. So they say, growing up with a lot of conflict in the home, I attracted that same conflict with my ex, due to our energy, our vibrations. Of course I did not know this at the time, and maybe that's why I am still single after ten years. Just waiting to be in a higher vibration, so I can attract the man of my dreams, the man I want to be with the rest of my lifetime here on earth. When I look back, most of the men I was with after being married, all had their own way of being critical and insulting, and I still liked them! So, I am glad I took a few years break, to attract someone more loving, and positive, someone who wants to shower me with love, kind words, and affection. Although my husband and I were very affectionate with each other, and I am grateful for that.
But, I am learning self love, and it is a process. A process to look inside and ask myself, "what do I want to do?" It's about stepping back before answering, and not to instantly say "yes" to everyone who wants something from me. I have done that my entire life, especially with my three children while being a single mom. It's about realizing what do I really want to do for myself besides pleasing everyone else. And that comes with saying "no" sometimes, and not doing things just for them! I wanted to care for everyone like I did, but now it's time to take care of myself. My health is suffering, and I have ignored my pain for thirty years, always going to keep up. My body can not care for anyone else right now, it wants love from me, to stop and care for it, which is what I have finally started to do. It starts with allowing others to chip in and do their share, and anyway, they are totally capable of doing it. Maybe it's time they want to prove that to themselves, that they can do it and care for themselves! I love it this new self, instead of feeling responsible for everyone else's wants and needs, I no longer do! I give them the ultimate responsibility for caring for themselves and they love it! My children have embraced it, actually telling me the past year, they no longer need me to do things for them! It was hard to accept at first, but now I hear them clearly and am on my way! My new journey of love, loving myself, and creating my dream future! Here I go, much love to all always!
Amen
Friday, July 17, 2015
Getting Turned onto Teal Swan! From Nov 2013
This blog is from November of 2013, when I found Teal, somehow it got sent here!
Hello Everyone:
I am a single mom of three, divorced ten years. I have always been pretty "deep", reading self help books from Wayne Dyer in seventh grade, always love the mind/psych stuff! Somewhere along the way the spirituality emerged more, and off I went, as a Psych major in College, and on a Soul Journey since my divorce!! There is so much to write about my journey, but for now I will start with Teal Swan! Wow, I don't even know where to start, because no one could do her justice without at least seeing her once! And yes, you can see her anytime on her you tube videos, which is where she can teach you anything, and I mean anything, you want to know about life, why we are here, about the spirit world, etc., you name it. And it's all about raising our vibrations for the good of all!! It's such an exciting time to me, to be a part of this evolution!! Yeah, and to my new soul family too, we have lots of work to do. Teal was nicknamed, the "Spiritual Catalyst", by her town because of her amazing gifts!! If there is any issue you are struggling with from fear, how to manifest money, how to love yourself more, why we are here, etc., just you tube her, and she has a video for all. I love her so much, she has taught me so much already. I have been pretty much stuck since my divorce, not being truly happy with my life, for so many years it was all about surviving, and providing for and caring for my three children. Now, they are grown, wanting to move out soon, and it's time to take care of myself now. So, I intend to now create the future I want, one of love, health, wealth, peace, happiness, joy, bliss, etc. I want a home my family and friends will come to anytime, feel at home, loved, and enjoying laughter moments. I truly didn't realize we were here to create what we truly wanted! How silly of me to have missed that, not shown that before. I suppose I wasn't ready although I feel I have been ready since seventh grade. Being raised Catholic, it was all about God, pleasing God, and not disobeying him or ye shall be punished!! Oh my, how they use to want us to be in fear! And the truth is we are all God, we are all Source, we are all one, all in the same. We are an extension of God, of Source, loved so much, able to accomplish all of our dreams. That's what's truly going on now in the spiritual world, we are all the same, all one, oneness!! How we forgot, now we are remembering and it is good!!
Love you all, keep in touch!
Carol
Hello Everyone:
I am a single mom of three, divorced ten years. I have always been pretty "deep", reading self help books from Wayne Dyer in seventh grade, always love the mind/psych stuff! Somewhere along the way the spirituality emerged more, and off I went, as a Psych major in College, and on a Soul Journey since my divorce!! There is so much to write about my journey, but for now I will start with Teal Swan! Wow, I don't even know where to start, because no one could do her justice without at least seeing her once! And yes, you can see her anytime on her you tube videos, which is where she can teach you anything, and I mean anything, you want to know about life, why we are here, about the spirit world, etc., you name it. And it's all about raising our vibrations for the good of all!! It's such an exciting time to me, to be a part of this evolution!! Yeah, and to my new soul family too, we have lots of work to do. Teal was nicknamed, the "Spiritual Catalyst", by her town because of her amazing gifts!! If there is any issue you are struggling with from fear, how to manifest money, how to love yourself more, why we are here, etc., just you tube her, and she has a video for all. I love her so much, she has taught me so much already. I have been pretty much stuck since my divorce, not being truly happy with my life, for so many years it was all about surviving, and providing for and caring for my three children. Now, they are grown, wanting to move out soon, and it's time to take care of myself now. So, I intend to now create the future I want, one of love, health, wealth, peace, happiness, joy, bliss, etc. I want a home my family and friends will come to anytime, feel at home, loved, and enjoying laughter moments. I truly didn't realize we were here to create what we truly wanted! How silly of me to have missed that, not shown that before. I suppose I wasn't ready although I feel I have been ready since seventh grade. Being raised Catholic, it was all about God, pleasing God, and not disobeying him or ye shall be punished!! Oh my, how they use to want us to be in fear! And the truth is we are all God, we are all Source, we are all one, all in the same. We are an extension of God, of Source, loved so much, able to accomplish all of our dreams. That's what's truly going on now in the spiritual world, we are all the same, all one, oneness!! How we forgot, now we are remembering and it is good!!
Love you all, keep in touch!
Carol
Thursday, July 16, 2015
Teal Swan's Workshop ~ Boston
Hello Everyone!
Wow, do you see this picture? I have to explain to you what it is, it is a picture of my soul family, soul mates that have known each other in so many lifetimes, a family I have been waiting for in this lifetime. It is amazing how easy and natural it felt to hang out with these special, awesome beings. To think I am a part of it is crazy, I still have to pinch myself. I still am processing this, it has been about a week. So much information is going through my head, and so much has happened since.
I was fortunate to be able to help with the Workshop in Boston. That in itself was beautiful! It was being run by two new soul sisters I did not meet yet, Molly and Michelle. Boy, were they beautiful soul sisters! Michelle is the bubbly type, so happy and cheery all the time. She told me I have so many angels around me, and gave me hugs all day! I felt instantly close to both of these beautiful woman offering to help with hosting Teal in their town! Cherie and I greeted all of the guests, giving hugs and bonding instantly with so many people, woman and men also. I even saw old soul mates, from other workshops and got so many hugs! We were all so full of joy and had so much love in our hearts, everyone gathering to see their Spiritual Mentor, their Spiritual Leader, Teal Swan! And I was saying "hello" to all of them, and putting wrist bands on them, and giving them a map of places to eat for lunch, and a free parking pass for the day (which was their favorite). Then we were blessed to be in the front row, and I got to sit near Blake, who I love so much and is so cool. The workshop brought up a lot of issues about "trust". Trusting ourselves, our own instinct and intuition we all have. Loving ourselves enough to trust ourselves! Funny, because just the night before I had a situation and wasn't sure on how to handle it, I asked a friend's advice, and listened to her, instead of listening to myself! Wow, Teal is always talking to me, through others as well. And the self loving thing for me to have done, would have been something else. Now I am keeping my power, I am owning that I do know myself better than you do, I do know what is best for "me", and everything I do is just fine, because I am walking my own path, not yours. No one knows what is best for me, but me. I have support from my Spirit Guides, my Animal Guides, and of course the Angels, Archangel Michael of course, and Gabrielle is always around me! I hear their guidance and need to listen, always.
During the break at the workshop, I was starving and drained! I needed to get some food fast, and find a place outside to eat, as I needed fresh air and green trees as much as food! Molly was so gracious to buy us some amazing vegan food, and I ate a delicious sweet potato burger. As I went outside to eat, I saw some women I met the night before while I was doing some Angel Card Readings for people, and some essential oil therapy and crystal therapy. I ate and chatted and felt so drained, I realized how much I needed to be alone and recharge. What is it that I give so much of my energy out? Or do they take it? And how to I stop from feeling so drained? I do ground myself and put a ball of crystal light around me, and use the Young Living grounding essential oil as well. But I was so drained, I was trying to run up to my room which was at the hotel were the event was being held, The Hyatt in Boston, MA. Each time I went to the room, I was stopped by another beautiful soul, and we connected. I went to the bathroom twice, each time I went I saw Teal, once in the hall, and once in the bathroom. I hugged her the first time in the hallway and told her how much my life has changed since Chicago, being on stage with her. She said, "good, I'm glad". I received a beautiful hug, she truly hugs you with so much love. Then, awhile later I saw Graciela in the bathroom, and wondered if Teal was with her, and sure enough, she appeared out of the stall, started washing her hands while I was washing mine, and I told her, "we have to stop meeting like this". I didn't want to intrude on her space again, since I just had a hug, and it was close to Workshop time, so I ran out the door, pissing my pants again!
After the Workshop Teal took pictures and signed books for us. She always takes her time, never rushing anyone along! I had the opportunity to get a picture with Irina, me new soul sister I met in Chicago. The picture is beautiful, Irina felt comfortable with her head right on Teal's chest, so in love! The appreciation and compassion we feel for Teal is so real, so true. I know I have been with her before in other lifetimes, I have visions of us running through a forest with white bark when were were around 12 years old! We were so happy, laughing, holding hands and running through the forest, with long flowing skirts! Teal made a comment to us, "I see you found each other, I am glad". That just comforted Irina's heart and mine, and we ran out of the room so excited, I started to scream, a quiet scream, and Irina followed suit! That feeling, that energy, was amazing. One of such joy, such love, feeling loved, feeling honored and blessed to have had that experience with Teal, and my new soul sister Irina!
After the Workshop everyone usually goes back to the house where some Tealer's were staying, but I did not go back this time. I have stayed in the houses the last two workshops, but since my son came with me this time, I got a hotel room. But, I was way to drained and exhausted, with severe neck and back pain, so I went straight to the room. I actually lit my candles, and place the crystals I brought around them, and thanked the Universe for all that just happened and meditated on that for awhile. It was awesome do that, to take the time for me to reflect on the special, magnificent day. Then I ran a hot bath, with essential oils and crystals, and went to bed.
Unfortunately I was up all night, with severe neck pain, and I just could not sleep. It's like I get this energy from Teal, and can't sleep afterwards, this has happened at each workshop for me. As soon as I got into bed, I felt someone I had just met, had an attachment to my chest, from my chest to her chest. The only reason I was aware of this is because Teal Swan just explained this in a video, how some people form attachments to others. It is not healthy because we do not need attachments to anyone, loving someone is not being "attached" to them. It's almost like to me, they cling to you, wanting your energy. Of course, they do not know this, they are not doing this intentionally, and I honestly don't know how they become "attached", it must be the way they look up to you, or feel so comfortable and loved, and they just put their claws in. I "feel" it now, and know how so many others have done this my entire life, but just did not recognize what it was. Now I know, I know what it "feels" like, I know what it is and I know how to cut their cords and detach. But, I want to know a way to prevent it all together. Do I need to protect myself more, and always remember to put the white iridescent light around me? I also ground myself all day when I think about it by digging the bottoms of my feet into the earth, and hooking them into the roots of Gaia, and pulling the energy straight into my body, out the top of my head, and focus on the light being all around me. I take sea salt baths all the time, and have a citrine wand I use all the time to help clear the energy. It seems as if I do a lot to help protect myself, but it still happens.
Even though I feel so drained and exhausted while in bed, I could not sleep! But, it didn't matter to me at all, I just had the opportunity to attend a workshop by my spiritual leader, Teal Swan! And I had the privilege of helping with the workshop as well and enjoy the company of such loving, amazing souls! I am blessed, I am filled with love and joy in my heart!
Getting Ready to Leave to See Teal Swan!
Okay, this is the day before I leave for my workshop with Teal! I am so excited about this, it's crazy. I just went on the face book page for "Teal Swan in Boston", and they posted my name on there for Angel Card Readings I offered to do. They were looking for things to do Friday night, and decided to hang outside in the Courtyard at the Hotel, and I realized I could help and do something! I offered to read Angel Cards, and educate on the essential oils, and my son's friend offered to do some henna tatoos! My idea was to have the alchemy sign done on our arms like Teal has on hers! How awesome would that be? It is really cool how this is all playing out, falling into place, because I finally let go, and let the river take me where it wanted to. I thank you Universe, and am so grateful for this time, and for this soul family I found! I am so blessed and honored to be part of something like this, something soooo big! My inner self has always told me how I need to help in big ways, and help to change the world, and be there for others.
I can't even imagine hanging out with Teal, at someone's home, hanging out with her as a friend, not an idol to worship, as sometimes I tend to do. But, a true, loving, kind, compassionate friend, one who wants to help touch all of our hearts and souls. She is simply amazing, above all the rest in the Spirit world. I am so lucky to have found her now, now that she is evolving and growing, so I can stand next to her side and help. In any way I can, I would. And I hope to help her and work with her sometime in the future to accomplish these goals.
So, anyway, I am packed, so ready to go. I packed all of my cards, my essential oils, my books, my crystals and their qualities on note cards. I packed a large box of 9 vases, all yellow except one purple, to hold all of the Sunflowers I am going to envelop Teal in! She just painted a painting of a Sunflower, so it is the perfect flower now! What synchronicity! Everything is falling into place so well, just like it is suppose to. I have visualized the stage, and the entire weekend a hundred times already. Greeting everyone hello, watching Teal in the front row, hanging out at someones home with her as a soul family, even more than a friend. A true soul family we are, and I have been searching for them for years! Thank you Universe for sending me her, her family, our soul family! She even created a frequency painting called "Soul Family"!
Tomorrow I wake up early and leave. I will have to blog in my book, then type it out. I am so behind on finalizing my old blogs, I have to get caught up to date. I am going to leave for now, when I come back I will be transformed once again, to an even higher vibration, then you better watch out!!
Yay!! Thrilled and excited about life!
Amen, Blessings always!
Taking a Relaxing, Recharging Beach Day!
I hit the beach today, the last day I can go for awhile because I am leaving for Boston on Thursday, to see all of my soul mates, and Teal, Blake and Sarbdeep! It truly doesn't get much better than this. The beach was awesome, there was always a breeze, but the sun is hot. So, after awhile I use my chair umbrella over my head, and then I can stay forever. I walked awhile on the beach which I love to do, and just sat and watched the waves move in and out for a long time. We know how healing and energizing the beach is, and it truly is. So many of us are drawn to the beaches, in New Jersey where I live, they are all so crowded each weekend of the summer. The ocean use to call me when I first got divorced, and when I was alone without my kids. It has totally helped calm my heart. Today I was filled with love and joy anyway, so it just made it better.
I sat in lots of traffic on the way home, so I didn't get in until 7:00. It's now 11:00 pm and I am exhausted. I am going to bed in a few. The sun is draining, and I have a few things left to do tomorrow before my amazing trip, and need to rest too. I know now to take care of my body, and see what it needs, and rest is one of them before this trip! Omg, so freakin excited! When I am driving and in the shower I have so many visions come to me it's crazy. Visions, and great ideas for Teal's workshops! I guess she is on my head, in my head actually. We are all part of that "collective consciousness", and I am definitely part of her tribe!
Finally, after all these years I have found my home. A place I am loved for me, just how I am. A place with others that want to make this a better place to live. A place where I am with my Soul Family, the family I have known forever, coming back here to Earth to reunite now, to help change the consciousness of mankind! To awaken the soul!
I did have a problem with my daughter tonight though. I bump into resistance and negativity with my kids at times. I don't know if it's me or them, but it feels as if our energies are shifting. If they are triggers for me, then I have a lot of issues, too many to deal with. Have I always been resistant to me? To blaming others and not looking at myself? I truly have been looking inside, soul searching, more so since I met Teal Swan, the Spiritual Catalyst! I realize how snotty I have been in my life, this snotty attitude I have had, even though I felt compassion in my heart. I guess the snotty attitude was protection. To protect myself from the harm I felt as a child in our home. No one to protect me there, no one to hold me and care for me telling me everything would be okay. I guess that is why I have always put up a hard front, not wanting to be hurt, hurt as I was as a child. I love my children and I wish we didn't argue, I wish I did so many things different!
Sweet dreams, blessings, and love always.
My Shamantic Journey Experience
Hello ~
I just went to my first "Shamantic Journey" this afternoon, with the Shaman that facilitated my soul retrieval. She was amazing, the entire experience was. She explained the process of a Shamantic Journey, which is a meditation with the use of drums to find answers from your guides. She explained we were going to go into Mother Earth, and ask for our animal guide to appear. An animal guide is an animal spirit that is with you here on earth to help you through this world. To help guide you, who is there for you all the time. Ah, such a nice thought I felt, and if this is true why doesn't anyone know this or tell you this. I guess you won't find it being raised in a Catholic Church like I was. I suppose when we are ready, we will be shown what we need, and I need to be in touch with my guides now. The first step was learning we all have Spirit Guides, here walking with us along our way, guiding us to our highest good, if we remember, and allow,
She explained how the Journey was going to occur. She asked us to first pick a portal, a hole somewhere that we wanted to use each time to dive into the earth! It was easy for me, I found a tree I loved in the park, and it was the tree I went to after I spoke to my boss and felt so very drained. I just sat by that huge tree, with its broken pieces of bark on the ground underneath my butt, for at least an hour. It's the same tree I just visited the other day when I found my inner child and she wanted to go into the forest and hang out by a tree, forehead to tree! This was going to be the portal we will use each time we meditate and to a Shamanic Journey, which is really a specific type of meditation, with drums, finding your animal guides. I love the drums, I have always loved them, and I love the song "Om Nama Shivaya", by Krishna Das. It's an amazing Native American song with drums. Then she explained we will be there for ten minutes, at the end we will hear the drum bang once, then start beating really fast, and that is the time to turn around, and come back home the same way we entered. She said stay open to everything no matter what it means at the moment. You may see your guides or may not, and if you do to make sure you say "hello" to them, just like you would an old friend. Talk to the animal, ask it questions, ask it what it wants you to know if you want. You can do whatever you want, you are still in control. See where it takes you. The main thing is to let go and trust in yourself and trust in the process. "Okay, that's all pretty easy stuff," I said to myself. It's like a kid going out to play, to see what Spirit Guides they can find to help them play today! Sounds life fun, lets go!
We then laid down on a yoga mat, with a blanket and covered our eyes with an eye pillow. I start concentrating on my breathing, deep breaths. The drum starts, I find my portal at that huge tree in the forest, and I jump right in, I have one of my soul family, Irina on my mind for some reason, and my little girl I take with me on my lap, as I slide down the tree. As soon as I landed, which was quickly, wolf was in my face! I said hello, rubbed his neck and head, and then behind him, Unicorn appeared. She was so affectionate, rubbing her head to my head, as I was rubbing and petting her neck and head with my hand, it was almost as if she was purring. Then, all of a sudden, I jumped on her back and we took off really fast in the wind, along with wolf next to us. Then, I heard the drum roll faster, we turned around, I got off my Unicorn, and said "good bye" to both of them verbally, and rubbed them again. I ran up the inside of the tree by its roots, got straight up fast, and jumped out and sat in front of the tree! I did well, not everyone met their animal guide.We spoke about our experience, and we were going to experience it again. She explained we do this to get "information". Information we can use here, to help us along our path somehow. For each of us it is truly different, each of our paths are.
Okay, we are going to do this again, and this time she explained to see what your animal guide wants to tell you if you come into contact with them. I went through the same process to get down into the earth, my animal guides were waiting for me there, and I jumped on Unicorn and we took off. This time we came to a beautiful, large, waterfall, with a tall man standing under it with his back to us. As soon as I saw him from behind, I knew who it was. As we approach him, he turned around and it was my ex husband. I get off my Unicorn and held his hands, we were standing near the waterfall just holding hands. Then I heard the drum beat once, then faster, I rushed onto my Unicorn to take off quickly because the drum roll was so fast you just automatically flee, and my wolf Spirit Guide wanted to stay with him. I said okay, and hopped on my Unicorn, and took off. Then I realized I did not say goodbye to Wolf, so we turned around to say goodbye, and I jumped off the Unicorn, grabbed my ex's face, and kissed him fast on the cheek, and took off again. I got to the inside of the tree and climbed up the roots of the tree quickly like before, jumped out of the hole, and sat in front of the tree again. What a success! It didn't feel like a success, but as we all shared our stories once again, I found two guides, and even saw someone I knew. She told me water is a sign of reconciliation. Hmmm, that is very interesting because many things are changing for him now, with his wife, maybe getting divorced, with alimony ending and him being finished paying me financially, a lot of changes going on. I have always felt connected to him, especially a few years after the divorce, and reality set in on what I did to myself, so I felt.
That's the tough part, forgiving yourself for the past, letting go, and not carrying the pain of guilt inside your heart any longer. Mending that heart with the love and compassion you would give to others, forgiving yourself like you would forgive others. No more suffering, it has been long enough. Be free of the pain that binds us!
This was truly an awesome experience, I will now try to remember to call upon my Animal Spirit Guides all the time!
God Bless, Om Shante, Shante Om!!
I just went to my first "Shamantic Journey" this afternoon, with the Shaman that facilitated my soul retrieval. She was amazing, the entire experience was. She explained the process of a Shamantic Journey, which is a meditation with the use of drums to find answers from your guides. She explained we were going to go into Mother Earth, and ask for our animal guide to appear. An animal guide is an animal spirit that is with you here on earth to help you through this world. To help guide you, who is there for you all the time. Ah, such a nice thought I felt, and if this is true why doesn't anyone know this or tell you this. I guess you won't find it being raised in a Catholic Church like I was. I suppose when we are ready, we will be shown what we need, and I need to be in touch with my guides now. The first step was learning we all have Spirit Guides, here walking with us along our way, guiding us to our highest good, if we remember, and allow,
She explained how the Journey was going to occur. She asked us to first pick a portal, a hole somewhere that we wanted to use each time to dive into the earth! It was easy for me, I found a tree I loved in the park, and it was the tree I went to after I spoke to my boss and felt so very drained. I just sat by that huge tree, with its broken pieces of bark on the ground underneath my butt, for at least an hour. It's the same tree I just visited the other day when I found my inner child and she wanted to go into the forest and hang out by a tree, forehead to tree! This was going to be the portal we will use each time we meditate and to a Shamanic Journey, which is really a specific type of meditation, with drums, finding your animal guides. I love the drums, I have always loved them, and I love the song "Om Nama Shivaya", by Krishna Das. It's an amazing Native American song with drums. Then she explained we will be there for ten minutes, at the end we will hear the drum bang once, then start beating really fast, and that is the time to turn around, and come back home the same way we entered. She said stay open to everything no matter what it means at the moment. You may see your guides or may not, and if you do to make sure you say "hello" to them, just like you would an old friend. Talk to the animal, ask it questions, ask it what it wants you to know if you want. You can do whatever you want, you are still in control. See where it takes you. The main thing is to let go and trust in yourself and trust in the process. "Okay, that's all pretty easy stuff," I said to myself. It's like a kid going out to play, to see what Spirit Guides they can find to help them play today! Sounds life fun, lets go!
We then laid down on a yoga mat, with a blanket and covered our eyes with an eye pillow. I start concentrating on my breathing, deep breaths. The drum starts, I find my portal at that huge tree in the forest, and I jump right in, I have one of my soul family, Irina on my mind for some reason, and my little girl I take with me on my lap, as I slide down the tree. As soon as I landed, which was quickly, wolf was in my face! I said hello, rubbed his neck and head, and then behind him, Unicorn appeared. She was so affectionate, rubbing her head to my head, as I was rubbing and petting her neck and head with my hand, it was almost as if she was purring. Then, all of a sudden, I jumped on her back and we took off really fast in the wind, along with wolf next to us. Then, I heard the drum roll faster, we turned around, I got off my Unicorn, and said "good bye" to both of them verbally, and rubbed them again. I ran up the inside of the tree by its roots, got straight up fast, and jumped out and sat in front of the tree! I did well, not everyone met their animal guide.We spoke about our experience, and we were going to experience it again. She explained we do this to get "information". Information we can use here, to help us along our path somehow. For each of us it is truly different, each of our paths are.
Okay, we are going to do this again, and this time she explained to see what your animal guide wants to tell you if you come into contact with them. I went through the same process to get down into the earth, my animal guides were waiting for me there, and I jumped on Unicorn and we took off. This time we came to a beautiful, large, waterfall, with a tall man standing under it with his back to us. As soon as I saw him from behind, I knew who it was. As we approach him, he turned around and it was my ex husband. I get off my Unicorn and held his hands, we were standing near the waterfall just holding hands. Then I heard the drum beat once, then faster, I rushed onto my Unicorn to take off quickly because the drum roll was so fast you just automatically flee, and my wolf Spirit Guide wanted to stay with him. I said okay, and hopped on my Unicorn, and took off. Then I realized I did not say goodbye to Wolf, so we turned around to say goodbye, and I jumped off the Unicorn, grabbed my ex's face, and kissed him fast on the cheek, and took off again. I got to the inside of the tree and climbed up the roots of the tree quickly like before, jumped out of the hole, and sat in front of the tree again. What a success! It didn't feel like a success, but as we all shared our stories once again, I found two guides, and even saw someone I knew. She told me water is a sign of reconciliation. Hmmm, that is very interesting because many things are changing for him now, with his wife, maybe getting divorced, with alimony ending and him being finished paying me financially, a lot of changes going on. I have always felt connected to him, especially a few years after the divorce, and reality set in on what I did to myself, so I felt.
That's the tough part, forgiving yourself for the past, letting go, and not carrying the pain of guilt inside your heart any longer. Mending that heart with the love and compassion you would give to others, forgiving yourself like you would forgive others. No more suffering, it has been long enough. Be free of the pain that binds us!
This was truly an awesome experience, I will now try to remember to call upon my Animal Spirit Guides all the time!
God Bless, Om Shante, Shante Om!!
Monday, July 13, 2015
Having a Wonderful Day of Love!
Hello
I woke up today at 6:00 am, like I have been the past few days. Didn't want to get out of bed that early so I was meditating in bed. I woke up out of a dream of my ex husband. There was a huge dinner table with our families there, and his wife was there and they wanted me to sit down at the table. I told my best friend, I couldn't do it, I couldn't sit at the table with his wife, in tears! Omg, what a dream. This is because he showed up in a Shamanic Journey yesterday. And, my attorney sent me a letter from his attorney about the child support he owes me for my daughter. She left school in 2010, and I paid him child support until August of 2012. I have had many dreams about him before, even dreams laying next to each other, maybe we are together in soul time, dream time, for real though because our dreams are.
I had to mow the lawn like two weeks ago, so did it this morning! Yay! I even watered Mother earth after that, and we left it on for hours forgetting to turn it off! She must have been very happy!
I ran errands with my daughter today, we haven't done that for awhile, we use to do it all the time, especially before my other daughter moved in. When she goes into that "chain of pain", (where she focuses on all the negativity around her that makes her feel "bad"), I totally change the subject now, and turn it into a chain of "joy", by finding things to be grateful for that make me feel "good". When I came home from Teal's workshop in June, I couldn't even be around my two daughters, our energies were so extreme, I ran out of the room when they came in! I truly am learning how to take care of myself now. Love myself, know myself, and act upon it. I normally would have never acted this way, too worried they were mad, why, etc. Now, I don't give it one thought, my body runs! No conflict, no arguing, I just walk away and sage the home more frequently.
I am thrilled and happy still again today, feeling so loved and so complete in my soul. I talk to my little girl all the time, telling her things and asking her what she want's to tell me, and she told me she wants me to go to the forest and sit by a tree. So, I will do that for her tomorrow or Wednesday. I hear her talk back to me, and I tell her I love her and thank her all the time still. Now when I meditate, I call in my new guides, wolf an Unicorn, welcome! I am so thrilled I have found them! It's funny, these are the two animals I have resonated with and loved my entire life. My best friend of thirty years ago needle pointed me a picture of a Unicorn, and I have it on my mantel! And wolf I have always loved, and that is why I love the huskies! They both rubbed their face on my face when we met, it was beautiful.
Tomorrow is my beach day!! Yay, didn't get there this weekend, because it was cloudy, chilly, and rainy! So I am psyched, and I'll be tan for my trip!
I had a BBQ for the kids for dinner, and Johnny came by to eat. It is always great to see him, I love him so much too! I bought him an elephant made from stone, but it had six elephants in a row, from larger to smaller. He loves elephants, has an elephant tattoo, and it is made of stone, and I am turning him onto the miracles of these stones and crystals. He is so into it, I love it! But, he has always been attracted to and connected to rocks, he has been finding me heart rocks since he was a small child, like even five years old! It use to melt my heart, he still does. I use to have all the heart shaped rocks he found or made me, on a table in my small foyer when I lived in Maywood, but now they are all gone. Moving so many times is so sad, you let go of so many things, too many.
I am almost all packed, I had an oil change and a car wash today, I have new long flowing, colorful hippie dresses to wear, I am ready, lets go. The sad thing is, it is going to be gone so fast, and then I will only have memories. But, aha, aren't memories better than the anticipation? Absolutely! I think I am going to be so nervous I am going to have to breathe and not faint!
I am on my way to bed, its 1:00 am. I am happy, I am loved, I am at peace. I hope the intense roller coaster ride I have been on is slowing down. I asked my Shaman when I saw her if this feeling of so much love in my heart will stay, and she said, Oh yeah, it gets better each day! I am grateful either way for where I am today. It is perfect and so are you!
Namaste
Carol
I woke up today at 6:00 am, like I have been the past few days. Didn't want to get out of bed that early so I was meditating in bed. I woke up out of a dream of my ex husband. There was a huge dinner table with our families there, and his wife was there and they wanted me to sit down at the table. I told my best friend, I couldn't do it, I couldn't sit at the table with his wife, in tears! Omg, what a dream. This is because he showed up in a Shamanic Journey yesterday. And, my attorney sent me a letter from his attorney about the child support he owes me for my daughter. She left school in 2010, and I paid him child support until August of 2012. I have had many dreams about him before, even dreams laying next to each other, maybe we are together in soul time, dream time, for real though because our dreams are.
I had to mow the lawn like two weeks ago, so did it this morning! Yay! I even watered Mother earth after that, and we left it on for hours forgetting to turn it off! She must have been very happy!
I ran errands with my daughter today, we haven't done that for awhile, we use to do it all the time, especially before my other daughter moved in. When she goes into that "chain of pain", (where she focuses on all the negativity around her that makes her feel "bad"), I totally change the subject now, and turn it into a chain of "joy", by finding things to be grateful for that make me feel "good". When I came home from Teal's workshop in June, I couldn't even be around my two daughters, our energies were so extreme, I ran out of the room when they came in! I truly am learning how to take care of myself now. Love myself, know myself, and act upon it. I normally would have never acted this way, too worried they were mad, why, etc. Now, I don't give it one thought, my body runs! No conflict, no arguing, I just walk away and sage the home more frequently.
I am thrilled and happy still again today, feeling so loved and so complete in my soul. I talk to my little girl all the time, telling her things and asking her what she want's to tell me, and she told me she wants me to go to the forest and sit by a tree. So, I will do that for her tomorrow or Wednesday. I hear her talk back to me, and I tell her I love her and thank her all the time still. Now when I meditate, I call in my new guides, wolf an Unicorn, welcome! I am so thrilled I have found them! It's funny, these are the two animals I have resonated with and loved my entire life. My best friend of thirty years ago needle pointed me a picture of a Unicorn, and I have it on my mantel! And wolf I have always loved, and that is why I love the huskies! They both rubbed their face on my face when we met, it was beautiful.
Tomorrow is my beach day!! Yay, didn't get there this weekend, because it was cloudy, chilly, and rainy! So I am psyched, and I'll be tan for my trip!
I had a BBQ for the kids for dinner, and Johnny came by to eat. It is always great to see him, I love him so much too! I bought him an elephant made from stone, but it had six elephants in a row, from larger to smaller. He loves elephants, has an elephant tattoo, and it is made of stone, and I am turning him onto the miracles of these stones and crystals. He is so into it, I love it! But, he has always been attracted to and connected to rocks, he has been finding me heart rocks since he was a small child, like even five years old! It use to melt my heart, he still does. I use to have all the heart shaped rocks he found or made me, on a table in my small foyer when I lived in Maywood, but now they are all gone. Moving so many times is so sad, you let go of so many things, too many.
I am almost all packed, I had an oil change and a car wash today, I have new long flowing, colorful hippie dresses to wear, I am ready, lets go. The sad thing is, it is going to be gone so fast, and then I will only have memories. But, aha, aren't memories better than the anticipation? Absolutely! I think I am going to be so nervous I am going to have to breathe and not faint!
I am on my way to bed, its 1:00 am. I am happy, I am loved, I am at peace. I hope the intense roller coaster ride I have been on is slowing down. I asked my Shaman when I saw her if this feeling of so much love in my heart will stay, and she said, Oh yeah, it gets better each day! I am grateful either way for where I am today. It is perfect and so are you!
Namaste
Carol
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