Namaste
I watched the video again last night from Teal's Workshop in Chicago. I learn so much each time I watch it, and I only have watched it three times. The first two times were so emotional, I cried so much and one night went to bed depressed. But, last night wasn't as depressing, I really caught so many more things she told me.
She explained why I was in my pain, because my body wants to rest, and wants me to become whole by integrating my past childhood pain. Well, how the heck are we suppose to know this if no one ever explains this to us? Do you know how many years I have felt this pain? Since I left College, way back then. She said I had a lot of trauma growing up, more than I even remember. She said I was afraid to "feel", good or bad emotions. She explained that I even have resistance to positive emotions, because as a child, when I got excited about something, it was crushed down by my parents, them not liking how excited I was. Now I can see how I kept getting this feeling from my ex husband, every time I got overly excited about something, he would tell me to calm down, like raining on my parade.
She explained how I have been a victim my entire life, and a slave driver because that is what I saw my Mother do. She explained how the way I have been handling my life is, "self abuse". I am abandoning myself each day I would push myself to take care of others a lot, and along with being a nanny and caring for four small children.
As I look back and watch the video, I realize everything she told me, I already knew. The little voice in my head, my spirit guides, were always telling me how to take care of myself, and I didn't listen. I didn't listen due to fear and worry about money, how will I pay for things and care for my children? I thought I had no other options and the Universe wouldn't send me the life I wanted to live. Then, by watching Teal's video's about self love, manifesting, following our joy, and how we came here to be happy, I started to tell the Universe what I wanted. Which was to stay home everyday and write for financial abundance. I realized how much I love to stay home, I am a homey, and would love a money to flow while I was doing that. And, I love to write, I have been writing in a journal since I have been 18 years old, my first pain from something my ex did. So, I told the Universe I want to stay home and write, and that will bring me financial abundance. And look how the Universe worked for me, Teal told me to stay home, rest, and take care of myself, and I needed to change my entire life to become whole. So, when I arrived home, I knew I had to leave my job, but telling my boss would be the hard part, of course worrying about them more than me. To my surprise, when she called me Tuesday to check in, I told her I had to leave. I cried my eyes out to her, explaining how bad my pain has been, how I have been ignoring it, and can't anymore. She was so understanding and caring it shocked me. She explained how they care about me, and want me to feel better and be free of pain. See how the Universe works in our favor when we do the right thing by caring for ourselves? It takes care of it for us. She even told me not to come in anymore, to take the week off and she will pay me. Wow, what a blessing and relief that was to hear. It made me feel so supported and understood, she is such a beautiful soul, along with her sister and their kids. These children are the best in the world. They have so much love in their heart, and they blessed me with their love each and every day. I am so blessed to be able to care for them, and will miss them so. I feel I need to rest though.
Teal explained how ill my body was and explained how she works with terminally ill patients, and I would be considered "terminally ill" energetically. I cried. That hit home really hard. Then she asked me, "doesn't it feel that way?" And I replied no, then yes when I was vomiting for two days. Honestly, it has felt that way, my pain has felt so bad for so many years, I felt the energy depleting each day, feeling more and more drained. But, of course I just kept keeping on. Did I think it would eventually kill me soon? No, I did not take it that seriously, but she made it perfectly clear on stage how serious it was. To take a few months off to care for myself is better than manifesting something worse, and leaving this place too soon, not wanting my kids to live without me.
She explained how I have so many triggers, mainly my children, but when I feel that emotion to try to take that energy and go inside and see where it stems from. I usually remembered to do that, which is great. I keep getting the same images, as I explained to her on stage, but she explained to keep going there, when it is time, more visions will come. She was my "Mother Willow" guiding me to a life of oneness, of becoming whole, as she put it, "this pain can transform you more than you know". I am excited to see where my path will lead, I am so happy in my heart every single day, in a way I haven't felt before. I am love, I am loved, and I want all beings to be free from suffering! But, it is a process like she says, one of diving into those emotions, into the eye of the fire, to set ourselves free!!
Love and Light Always ~
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