Wednesday ~ Day 23

Namaste
It's a rainy day today and I realize so much how the weather affects me.  It's like I feel bummed, Ho Hum.  But, I have done a lot of healing work today, working on past emotions, crying over my ex, missing him and don't know why.  So, it gave me the opportunity to go back to my childhood and see where this feeling is from, and I realize I felt very abandoned by my mother, like when I was young and she wasn't around due to having other babies and being in the hospital.  It left me with a sense of abandonment.  Teal just made a video about finding our "core imprint", which is the worst pain you felt as a child.  Then, take that exact opposite, and that is your, "life purpose".  Hmm, vey interesting I say.  Okay, I can go with that, and at first I had feelings of loneliness, then realized it was deeper, like abandonment.  In this process we should not make a quick judgment, take your time and let your feelings arise.  So, I won't put a label on it yet, I will see what emerges.  My body now is in a state of total allowing, and it knows exactly what steps to take and where, when I am ready.  As in releasing, and integrating those painful memories.  Most of my painful thoughts from childhood seem to come when I am driving, or cleaning.  I try to deal with them when they arise, then let them go.
I have also shed a lot of tears over my ex today, thinking of him because of his birthday yesterday, and just crying over missing him.  Thinking of things we have done together in the past, etc.  It makes me sad to know I still have pain over not being with him.  I have learned to go back further with those feelings, back to childhood, and see where they truly emerge from.  I don't understand why I feel such a sense of loss with my ex, even if the root cause is from childhood.  I am sad today, I feel so much loss and loneliness again, but I will work through it and integrate these feelings, to bring me back to my entire self, my whole self, oneness.
I love you, everyone go shine your light as bright as you can!  And maybe deal with those triggers when they come up, go inside and see where they really came from, cry, release, and maybe that is when you will be set free. And the world will become a better place, thanks to each and every one of us.
Namaste