Monday ~ Day 21

Hello
I woke up today in so much pain, and didn't get out of bed until 9:30, which is so weird because I have been getting up a lot around 7:30.  So, I just laid around all day.  Took my time relaxing, reading, cooking and eating. I was grateful to be able to lay around and take care of my body today, if that is what it needed, and it was.  But, as I meditated this morning, I went back to my childhood, when I was a year old and my mother went in the hospital to have my brother, I have no idea who took care of me, but felt abandoned.  That feeling of being abandoned, like my connection of energy was cut off, was the feeling I kept getting when I was with a guy and he left.  I would cry for months, feeling so cut off from my energy supply, alone and abandoned.  I have also felt this way on and off for years about my ex husband, my children, and my family.  When I was at the workshop, Teal did say I had many more things happen to me that I did not remember.  I am waiting for an appointment with a Shaman, and can't wait. She will do soul retrieval work, and explained to me that it is serious work, and how you need to be prepared when parts of your soul returns, it could be very powerful.  Okay, I am ready, I can't wait.  I would love to progress quickly with easy lessons to learn from.  Along with awesome, wonderful soul friends, to hang out with, have fun with, and create abundance with.  I did find a Shaman to help with this process, and finally have an appointment with her on Monday, I can't wait.  This has been an awesome journey since I have left Chicago, four weeks ago, I have come back renewed, refreshed, but with sooo much inner healing work to do!
It's my ex's birthday today, and I realize how much love I had and still have for him, and how I miss him, and see him in my eyes very well still.  He was blessed with a little girl over a year ago, and is a proud father.  I truly hope he enjoys her, and I realize the blessings she is sending him each and every day.  Sometimes I wish it was me, with him and the baby, I don't know why these feelings come to me, but they do.  I don't know why I still feel so attached to him sometimes.  I thought he was gone, out of my head, but looks like he is not.  I feel I have known him forever, in many other lifetimes, and we are here to reunite. To be able to at least be friendly to each other and talk, and have a relationship.  It will be interesting to see what happens between him and I.  He has not been able to talk to me for years, he has told the children years ago he wants nothing to do with me.
It has been raining all day, I have been tired and sleepy all day, and I am going to bed!
Goodnight, Namaste