Tuesday ~ Day 22

Namaste ~
So, I wake up today out of sorts again.  I feel so confused about life, what it's all about and how I am living it. I should be putting more time into watching any information about Teal, and doing my work, but sometimes I want to do nothing, so I do.  I am wondering today where all of this will lead me, and of course where the money is going to come from to pay for rent and the bills. The money can come from many sources, and anyone can help if they wish.  I have enough funds to pay rent here for a few more months.  I feel it is time for me to rest, rest and be at peace with myself and my life, no more worries, no more regrets, no more crying over the past with my ex and all the bad decisions I made after my divorce. 
It seems like everything was a painful mess, if it was all meant to just bring me back to myself, back to my childhood pain, then I don't get it.  It almost seems unfair to mess everyone's life up, for the sake of "becoming whole, becoming one" with yourself.  So many lives were hurt by this, I don't understand why my kids had to suffer so much through all of this as well.  Why would they chose to come into a life like this, with parents like us, just to suffer again.  That suffering thing, I remember Teal breaking down in tears when she spoke about "suffering", and how wonderful life would be without suffering, so beautiful she cried about it!  Wow, there is no one like her out there that I know, she is so human, your friend because of the pain she has suffered, but so enlightened and advance I have no clue how she does what she does!  I am just grateful to finally have come home.  Home to someone who understands the pain I have been in, home to someone who has unconditional love for humanity and truly will make a change, someone who speaks their truth and wants you to speak yours, and someone who tells you that it is okay to be where you are and you are loved just where you are.  Her words were powerful to me when she spoke of, "just taking care of yourself", that's all I had to do.  Not to worry about everyone else, just take care of me, and let them be.  I have never lived my life this way, always being a caretaker of my nieces and nephews, my family, then my three children.  Now I have broken free, free of doing for others all the time.  I realized when I nanny, I give so much of myself because I love to give, especially to the children, but I don't know how to not give all my energy away.  It seems to leave me drained.  There should be a way this shouldn't affect me, a way I can keep my energy up, and just giving to them as well.  It is total freedom for me right now to know I no longer have to give myself away like that any longer.  
I hope I have changed my mind and life about money.  Teal and Sarbdeep just made a video about money and abundance and it was awesome.  A point also came up about abundance, not limiting your thinking of it just coming through money, it can come in many other ways.  Like someone leaving me a lake front house because they wanted to!  Yes, it really opened me up to realizing there are so many other ways to manifest things than just with money!  Yay, what a huge awakening I had!  
I am going to spend the day with my nieces and their boys at a Dinosaur event today, I am so excited, I absolutely love to see my family, especially the little ones, they fill my heart with so much love and joy!  I will check in tonite!  Have an awesome day!
Namaste