Wow, this is crazy how I have made such a big deal about this "soul retrieval" work. Due to the fact I had to miss my appointment on Monday because my "ego" wasn't ready for it, and put me in some serious pain. Today I am in my "normal" range of pain for myself. Willing and able to go. Even though I did not get to the appointment that day, I did some work because I had tears flowing from me all day, tears of being in pain, physical pain, tears of releasing I don't even know what! It was not a fun day, but I tried to stay with the pain, sit with it, honor it, and not doing things to take my mind off of it. I got through it, and woke up the next day feeling fine.
It's funny how for about three weeks my energy was crazy high, not even wanting to be near any negativity at all. Not from my kids, nor from the crazy energy in the stores that I no longer enjoy,It was so high I wanted to save it all for myself, not give it away to anyone. And I did, I innately knew I should stay in for days and I did. But then emotions started to flow, along with an intense amount of inner child work, that keeps going on. That is why I am getting some soul retrieval work done, to have someone hold my hand and guide me through this process, which will be a very self loving thing to do!
So, off I go, I will let you know how it all pans out later!
Namaste all day ~
Tuesday, September 23, 2014
Wednesday ~ Just Another Day
Namaste
Boy, I am happy today! I passed out so early last night, 9:30, woke up in the middle of the night, not being able to go back to sleep. My friend texted me to skype and I missed her text! So bummed, I love her so much and am so grateful she just appeared in my life, it's actually crazy!
So, I did some computer work this morning, emails, face book and got caught up on that stuff. I am going to head out in a little to go south to my crystal store and buy some moldavite for Teal and myself, and something for Irina too. I was thinking of Blake and Sarb, but that could get expensive now. My income is not coming in any longer since I stopped my nanny job caring for four small children. I have some money left from a car accident I had years ago that will pay for the bills here a few months longer. I am staying in a vibration of abundance, and faith in the Universe to take care of me now, while I am caring for myself. It is great to feel such security and ease about finances, although a few times fear has come up. I haven't even thought about "working out there" because what I want to do is write, write lots of children's books, and this adult book about self love I am creating now as I write. I am so proud of myself to finally be able to admit to others that I am writing some children's books. I have no doubt it will happen, if I don't get serious about it before Teal's workshop in Boston next week, it will happen when I arrive back.
It seems like these weeks have been a time that I am suppose to stay in and reflect and just be in this pain and accept it. That's why when I am feeling low I try to sit with those emotions and take the time to see what's going on and where they are from. Yes, it is work, but that is my job now, to take care of myself, I am ready, there is nothing else to wait for or hold onto. I have been pushing myself, and struggling for ten years being a single mother of three. I made it though with a roof over our heads and food in their mouth without a career, and being in so much pain physically and emotionally. I was told to stop, and I have. Stop running around, and caring for everyone else and not yourself. I would much prefer to care for others, I don't know why. I comforts me to know I can make someone else feel better. I am working on turning that energy onto myself, and focusing on my own healing. My body knows what it needs, and I am finally learning to listen. It is comforting to know I will be okay, and I am taking care of myself, it is actually a relief. The emotional stuff I need to go through during this time is not fun, but I know it is necessary for me to let go and blend the past with who I am now. To start finding the lost parts of my soul that disappeared when I was crying at home as a child. When I heard my parents arguing, my mother crying, leaving me feel so much pain, grief, and aloneness. My heart breaks for my mother to have gone through all of this. Most of the memories I have from the past are not new to me, I just don't understand why they have to keep coming up so much. This is why it is pretty beneficial to allow yourself to go back to your past, talk to your inner child, comfort her and heal her. You may not be able to do this alone, many times I have and I get stuck, and with the help of a Shaman, got much deeper into my pain, and found answers to questions I did not even know I had. Always be kind to yourself, ask for soft, gentle lessons. Be open and be free, let the love in, and give love. Throughout these ups and downs, the ups are very different now. I am happier, feeling more safe and secure than before, feeling much more loved, and appreciating everyone who is in my life now. I appreciate so much, from the Cardinal couple that visit me daily, to my children, to my new soul family, to my niece and her boyfriend, and many other things. I really enjoy and am grateful for the time I spend with my family, I love them dearly and appreciate the time we spend together. I love summer, it is here, and I am enjoying each day by sitting outside as long as I can. I just need to manifest a place to stay down the shore, free of charge, by someone who owns a place, but hardly uses it, and is generous. And so it is.
I also wanted to look into going camping somewhere, maybe my friend and I will go visit her son in New Hampshire since he is there for a few weeks for work. I want to do so much in August, its the last summer month. I haven't always been focusing on running to the beach every day, well I couldn't anyway it's too much work driving, and financially right now.
So, I took a ride south to my home town to buy Teal a gift for when I see her, a crystal. Well, instead of buying the moldavite I was going to get, I went for a beautiful turquoise necklace. Boy, I hope she wears necklaces because I looked on her website for some pictures of her, and she really wasn't wearing any. Well, I wanted to buy her a few things to say "thank you", for all she has done for me. And she is someone who is reachable to her followers, she face books everyone back, gives you advice, support, will show up in your dreams, has love and compassion for every human being, I can go on and on. So, I bought her a beautiful piece and can't wait to see her face when I give it to her! I also bought some other crystals, it is always so fun in that store! They have huge amethyst stones all over the place!
I got to skype with my soul sister quickly tonight, it was great as usual. I see her face, her smile, and I just light up. She is such a beautiful, amazing soul, I am so blessed she is now in my life forever.
So, its 12:50 am, I have my second appointment with my Shaman, and we know what happened the first time. So, I am excited about tomorrow to see what all this talk is about "soul retrieval". And maybe I can calm down a little and relax! I am such a nervous person, you don' feel nervous but I can tell by my actions after watching me on camera. Okay, I will write tomorrow about my experience!
Namaste all Day!
Boy, I am happy today! I passed out so early last night, 9:30, woke up in the middle of the night, not being able to go back to sleep. My friend texted me to skype and I missed her text! So bummed, I love her so much and am so grateful she just appeared in my life, it's actually crazy!
So, I did some computer work this morning, emails, face book and got caught up on that stuff. I am going to head out in a little to go south to my crystal store and buy some moldavite for Teal and myself, and something for Irina too. I was thinking of Blake and Sarb, but that could get expensive now. My income is not coming in any longer since I stopped my nanny job caring for four small children. I have some money left from a car accident I had years ago that will pay for the bills here a few months longer. I am staying in a vibration of abundance, and faith in the Universe to take care of me now, while I am caring for myself. It is great to feel such security and ease about finances, although a few times fear has come up. I haven't even thought about "working out there" because what I want to do is write, write lots of children's books, and this adult book about self love I am creating now as I write. I am so proud of myself to finally be able to admit to others that I am writing some children's books. I have no doubt it will happen, if I don't get serious about it before Teal's workshop in Boston next week, it will happen when I arrive back.
It seems like these weeks have been a time that I am suppose to stay in and reflect and just be in this pain and accept it. That's why when I am feeling low I try to sit with those emotions and take the time to see what's going on and where they are from. Yes, it is work, but that is my job now, to take care of myself, I am ready, there is nothing else to wait for or hold onto. I have been pushing myself, and struggling for ten years being a single mother of three. I made it though with a roof over our heads and food in their mouth without a career, and being in so much pain physically and emotionally. I was told to stop, and I have. Stop running around, and caring for everyone else and not yourself. I would much prefer to care for others, I don't know why. I comforts me to know I can make someone else feel better. I am working on turning that energy onto myself, and focusing on my own healing. My body knows what it needs, and I am finally learning to listen. It is comforting to know I will be okay, and I am taking care of myself, it is actually a relief. The emotional stuff I need to go through during this time is not fun, but I know it is necessary for me to let go and blend the past with who I am now. To start finding the lost parts of my soul that disappeared when I was crying at home as a child. When I heard my parents arguing, my mother crying, leaving me feel so much pain, grief, and aloneness. My heart breaks for my mother to have gone through all of this. Most of the memories I have from the past are not new to me, I just don't understand why they have to keep coming up so much. This is why it is pretty beneficial to allow yourself to go back to your past, talk to your inner child, comfort her and heal her. You may not be able to do this alone, many times I have and I get stuck, and with the help of a Shaman, got much deeper into my pain, and found answers to questions I did not even know I had. Always be kind to yourself, ask for soft, gentle lessons. Be open and be free, let the love in, and give love. Throughout these ups and downs, the ups are very different now. I am happier, feeling more safe and secure than before, feeling much more loved, and appreciating everyone who is in my life now. I appreciate so much, from the Cardinal couple that visit me daily, to my children, to my new soul family, to my niece and her boyfriend, and many other things. I really enjoy and am grateful for the time I spend with my family, I love them dearly and appreciate the time we spend together. I love summer, it is here, and I am enjoying each day by sitting outside as long as I can. I just need to manifest a place to stay down the shore, free of charge, by someone who owns a place, but hardly uses it, and is generous. And so it is.
I also wanted to look into going camping somewhere, maybe my friend and I will go visit her son in New Hampshire since he is there for a few weeks for work. I want to do so much in August, its the last summer month. I haven't always been focusing on running to the beach every day, well I couldn't anyway it's too much work driving, and financially right now.
So, I took a ride south to my home town to buy Teal a gift for when I see her, a crystal. Well, instead of buying the moldavite I was going to get, I went for a beautiful turquoise necklace. Boy, I hope she wears necklaces because I looked on her website for some pictures of her, and she really wasn't wearing any. Well, I wanted to buy her a few things to say "thank you", for all she has done for me. And she is someone who is reachable to her followers, she face books everyone back, gives you advice, support, will show up in your dreams, has love and compassion for every human being, I can go on and on. So, I bought her a beautiful piece and can't wait to see her face when I give it to her! I also bought some other crystals, it is always so fun in that store! They have huge amethyst stones all over the place!
I got to skype with my soul sister quickly tonight, it was great as usual. I see her face, her smile, and I just light up. She is such a beautiful, amazing soul, I am so blessed she is now in my life forever.
So, its 12:50 am, I have my second appointment with my Shaman, and we know what happened the first time. So, I am excited about tomorrow to see what all this talk is about "soul retrieval". And maybe I can calm down a little and relax! I am such a nervous person, you don' feel nervous but I can tell by my actions after watching me on camera. Okay, I will write tomorrow about my experience!
Namaste all Day!
Sunday, September 21, 2014
Sunday ~ Beach day with my niece and her boyfriend
Hello
Wow, waking up today is like a breath of fresh air! To be filled with so much love from my niece and her boyfriend yesterday was amazing. My heart is light and joyful, and I am feeling very blessed. We went to the beach, and then out to dinner. The beach was awesome, as usual. When we arrived, my nieces boyfriend lost his seasonal badge, which he has never lost in his life. He looked all around, and was pretty bummed about it. They even went looking on the beach for it, up to where we came in, with no avail. He was upset about loosing it, so I looked at him and told him that we will manifest it back. I said, "Badge, Joe really needs you and wants you to come back. He spent $45 on this badge and he doesn't want to have to buy another one. He has never lost a badge, and really wants you to come back". So, the day went on, and then, just as we were getting ready to leave, Joe was standing in front of me digging his feet in the sand for some reason. As he was digging his feet in, and moving them around, all of a sudden what do you think appeared under his feet? Yep, his badge! Oh my Lord! We all looked at each other in astonishment, and then I explained to them what WE just did, how we manifested it back, and explained how we needed it back in our life. And then I told my niece how important it was to acknowledge to the Universe what it just did for us, and to remember to always be thankful and say thanks. So my niece and I started laughing in joy and enlightenment, and thanked the Universe ten times.
One of my brothers also met us on the beach, he is single and divorced like me. I love being on the beach with tons of people, I always have. I have been hitting the beach since I have been 12, when my best friends older sister would take us. Then, when my children were young, we use to take them to Lavalette for two weeks in the summer. It was the best time ever, and my friends, family and their children would always come and spend a few days. The beach is always awesome and always great times! The ocean so calming, relaxing, and I love to be near the rocks! And as far as walking on the beach goes, I could walk forever. And my nieces boyfriend loves to swim in the ocean, he was born and raised there. I do love to ride the waves, but not when the water is chilly because I like it so warm, and I freeze so fast.
After the beach, my niece invited me to go out to dinner with them in Asbury Park, along with their neighbor friend. The friend was a gentleman, an attorney who lives next to my nieces boyfriend. My nieces boyfriend invited him out, he said when they were speaking he seemed distraught, sad and upset about something. So he felt it would be good for him to get out, and he was down the shore alone, his wife and him were separated. My niece found an amazing man, so caring and concerned about others, just like we are. I am so happy for her, so happy she has an awesome man to spend the rest of her life with, who loves and cares for her, and her two young boys. He had my heart when he was laying on the beach on his belly, and the boys jumped on his back, laying on him with sand all over. He didn't even flinch.
My niece and I showered, and it made me feel young again, being down the shore with my girlfriends when we would get ready to go out, just talking and hanging out. We called the Restaurant before hand, and there was an hour wait, but it was a Saturday night and we knew we had to wait, so we were okay with that. Parking is also very difficult there, being in town and everyone out. So, as we pull up in front of the Restaurant for my niece and I to get out. I said, "Oh, let's manifest a parking spot by asking God and the Angels to help us find one, I always ask and one appears". So as soon as I asked, while we were right in front of the Restaurant, a few people walk in front of us and head directly to their car which was directly to the left of us! Holy shit again we said! This was getting really neat being with them manifesting what we want. So, it gets even better. My niece and I go inside, give the hostess our names, an they told us it was a one hour wait. So, we decided to wait outside. As soon as her boyfriend walked up the steps, my niece looked at me and said, "come on, lets go inside", all excited. Okay, I said to myself a little confused, but followed her in along side her boyfriend. Well, forget the hour wait, they took us straight up to our table which was outside on the balcony. My niece was shocked that we got right in, thinking they made a mistake. I know we had a day of total ease, of synchronicity, and manifesting what we want. It was a perfect thing for the start of a wonderful evening with beautiful, loving souls, that I enjoyed being around so much.
Joe's friend was meeting us there, and arrived a little later. He was a tall man with dark hair, and came in with a hell of a lot of energy. They had prepared me that he "loved to talk", sort of like me (as I have grown older I enjoy listening more, and speaking less). Well, he surely did, he was a highly intelligent man, an attorney and knowledgeable about a variety of things. We spoke about his business and how he didn't enjoy many of the colleagues he was working with. So, I gave him the lecture about attracting more loving, kind souls to work with, people who you want to be around. Explaining to him that he did have a choice, and if he put that intention out into the Universe, it would happen. He also explained why he has been so sad the past few months, his Aunt had passed and he was distraught over it. He spoke of her and how important she was to him, and he couldn't get over it. As Spirit spoke through me again, I explained to him how she was still with him, her soul is always there. I asked him if he believed that and he said that he wanted to. I assured him it was so, and we spoke about how our deceased love ones are always there, and always around us. I suggested he talk to her and ask her to show him a sign she is there. My words brought tears to his eyes, and I was touched. Touched to be able to help another soul on their journey here.
We had an amazing evening, and my niece was filled with joy, you could see it all over her face. It is so nice when people and families come together, to bond, to love, and to grow together. I am so very blessed to have them in my life now, especially when my children have grown, and I am still single.
My niece texted me today, what a great time they had, and how she is glad I am part of her life, which truly touched my heart. She must have been reading my mind. I am not use to having so much love and support from others in the past, especially being a single mother for ten years, without help from anyone, even family. I did not reach out, neither did they, and not everyone had the opportunity to either being in the situations they were in. So, this is new for me, my heart starting to open up, being ready and able to receive. After being at the workshop in February, the group in the house filled me with so much unconditional love and acceptance, which started to open my heart again. I came home and it kept opening up more, and now it is so comforting to know loved ones are there for you. I am grateful for so much today, feeling very blessed.
So for today, I am spending the day painting my daughters bedroom for her, she decided to change bedrooms, and I, of course, offered to help paint. It actually will be good to start a project and finish, allowing me to feel some type of accomplishment, since I haven't worked since July.
Wow, waking up today is like a breath of fresh air! To be filled with so much love from my niece and her boyfriend yesterday was amazing. My heart is light and joyful, and I am feeling very blessed. We went to the beach, and then out to dinner. The beach was awesome, as usual. When we arrived, my nieces boyfriend lost his seasonal badge, which he has never lost in his life. He looked all around, and was pretty bummed about it. They even went looking on the beach for it, up to where we came in, with no avail. He was upset about loosing it, so I looked at him and told him that we will manifest it back. I said, "Badge, Joe really needs you and wants you to come back. He spent $45 on this badge and he doesn't want to have to buy another one. He has never lost a badge, and really wants you to come back". So, the day went on, and then, just as we were getting ready to leave, Joe was standing in front of me digging his feet in the sand for some reason. As he was digging his feet in, and moving them around, all of a sudden what do you think appeared under his feet? Yep, his badge! Oh my Lord! We all looked at each other in astonishment, and then I explained to them what WE just did, how we manifested it back, and explained how we needed it back in our life. And then I told my niece how important it was to acknowledge to the Universe what it just did for us, and to remember to always be thankful and say thanks. So my niece and I started laughing in joy and enlightenment, and thanked the Universe ten times.
One of my brothers also met us on the beach, he is single and divorced like me. I love being on the beach with tons of people, I always have. I have been hitting the beach since I have been 12, when my best friends older sister would take us. Then, when my children were young, we use to take them to Lavalette for two weeks in the summer. It was the best time ever, and my friends, family and their children would always come and spend a few days. The beach is always awesome and always great times! The ocean so calming, relaxing, and I love to be near the rocks! And as far as walking on the beach goes, I could walk forever. And my nieces boyfriend loves to swim in the ocean, he was born and raised there. I do love to ride the waves, but not when the water is chilly because I like it so warm, and I freeze so fast.
After the beach, my niece invited me to go out to dinner with them in Asbury Park, along with their neighbor friend. The friend was a gentleman, an attorney who lives next to my nieces boyfriend. My nieces boyfriend invited him out, he said when they were speaking he seemed distraught, sad and upset about something. So he felt it would be good for him to get out, and he was down the shore alone, his wife and him were separated. My niece found an amazing man, so caring and concerned about others, just like we are. I am so happy for her, so happy she has an awesome man to spend the rest of her life with, who loves and cares for her, and her two young boys. He had my heart when he was laying on the beach on his belly, and the boys jumped on his back, laying on him with sand all over. He didn't even flinch.
My niece and I showered, and it made me feel young again, being down the shore with my girlfriends when we would get ready to go out, just talking and hanging out. We called the Restaurant before hand, and there was an hour wait, but it was a Saturday night and we knew we had to wait, so we were okay with that. Parking is also very difficult there, being in town and everyone out. So, as we pull up in front of the Restaurant for my niece and I to get out. I said, "Oh, let's manifest a parking spot by asking God and the Angels to help us find one, I always ask and one appears". So as soon as I asked, while we were right in front of the Restaurant, a few people walk in front of us and head directly to their car which was directly to the left of us! Holy shit again we said! This was getting really neat being with them manifesting what we want. So, it gets even better. My niece and I go inside, give the hostess our names, an they told us it was a one hour wait. So, we decided to wait outside. As soon as her boyfriend walked up the steps, my niece looked at me and said, "come on, lets go inside", all excited. Okay, I said to myself a little confused, but followed her in along side her boyfriend. Well, forget the hour wait, they took us straight up to our table which was outside on the balcony. My niece was shocked that we got right in, thinking they made a mistake. I know we had a day of total ease, of synchronicity, and manifesting what we want. It was a perfect thing for the start of a wonderful evening with beautiful, loving souls, that I enjoyed being around so much.
Joe's friend was meeting us there, and arrived a little later. He was a tall man with dark hair, and came in with a hell of a lot of energy. They had prepared me that he "loved to talk", sort of like me (as I have grown older I enjoy listening more, and speaking less). Well, he surely did, he was a highly intelligent man, an attorney and knowledgeable about a variety of things. We spoke about his business and how he didn't enjoy many of the colleagues he was working with. So, I gave him the lecture about attracting more loving, kind souls to work with, people who you want to be around. Explaining to him that he did have a choice, and if he put that intention out into the Universe, it would happen. He also explained why he has been so sad the past few months, his Aunt had passed and he was distraught over it. He spoke of her and how important she was to him, and he couldn't get over it. As Spirit spoke through me again, I explained to him how she was still with him, her soul is always there. I asked him if he believed that and he said that he wanted to. I assured him it was so, and we spoke about how our deceased love ones are always there, and always around us. I suggested he talk to her and ask her to show him a sign she is there. My words brought tears to his eyes, and I was touched. Touched to be able to help another soul on their journey here.
We had an amazing evening, and my niece was filled with joy, you could see it all over her face. It is so nice when people and families come together, to bond, to love, and to grow together. I am so very blessed to have them in my life now, especially when my children have grown, and I am still single.
My niece texted me today, what a great time they had, and how she is glad I am part of her life, which truly touched my heart. She must have been reading my mind. I am not use to having so much love and support from others in the past, especially being a single mother for ten years, without help from anyone, even family. I did not reach out, neither did they, and not everyone had the opportunity to either being in the situations they were in. So, this is new for me, my heart starting to open up, being ready and able to receive. After being at the workshop in February, the group in the house filled me with so much unconditional love and acceptance, which started to open my heart again. I came home and it kept opening up more, and now it is so comforting to know loved ones are there for you. I am grateful for so much today, feeling very blessed.
So for today, I am spending the day painting my daughters bedroom for her, she decided to change bedrooms, and I, of course, offered to help paint. It actually will be good to start a project and finish, allowing me to feel some type of accomplishment, since I haven't worked since July.
Saturday, September 13, 2014
Following My Joy ~ Beach Day with so much Manifesting!
Hello
So, I had an awesome day today. I spent the day with my niece, her boyfriend and my brother on the beach. It was cloudy and chilly on the beach, but it was so nice to hang outside with loved ones. That is the best thing I love about warm weather, being outside all day. I could easily, and love, and do as much as I can. I take my work, and computer out back all the time.
I was at the beach before my niece, and when they got to the beach her boyfriend realized he lost his badge! He was bummed, it was seasonal, and he lives here and has not lost one since. So, him and my niece went for a walk to look for it without avail. I told him to ask the Universe for it back, so I did saying, "Universe, please bring back his seasonal badge because he truly needs it. He spent $45 on it and does not want to have to buy another one." "Thank you, Amen." So, when we were getting ready to leave the beach he stood up, and started kicking the sand around with his feet, and his seasonal badge literally popped out of the sand! OMG, we all looked at each other freaking out! Then I told my niece it was really important to thank the Universe, so we did as we were walking off the beach laughing.
So, after the beach my niece and her boyfriend were going out to dinner, in Asbury Park, and asked me if I wanted to go. So, I was like, "sure"! Her boyfriend left for awhile and we got to shower and get ready alone, and it made me feel like I was in High School again with my best friend! So much joy to my heart! My nieces boyfriend had asked a neighbor gentlemen to go out to dinner with them, feeling that he was feeling sad and needed a lift. Cool, I thought, it will be nice to meet another soul. So, we went to one of my nieces favorite Restaurant in Asbury Park, "Moonstruck". Along with long waits, there was also the problem with parking, having to drive around many times before finding a spot. So, as we pulled up to the Restaurant my niece told me we were going to get out while her boyfriend was going to look for a parking spot. The next thing that came out of my mouth was, ok, so I will ask God, the Universe and the Angels, to please send us a parking spot! To my surprise, as soon as I said that, I saw a few people walking to their car right next to us in front of the Restaurant. I was like, look there's a spot! OMG, we were all freaking out again, and her boyfriend told me I was their good luck charm. He was still surprised about the badge and grateful, and now the parking spot, how fun. So, we went inside to get a reservation, and there was over an hour wait, which we already knew. So, we went outside to wait, and stood on the steps waiting for her boyfriend. As soon as he came up the steps, my niece looked at me and said, come on, we have to go inside! Hmm, okay I said, even though she was being very strange. So, we walked inside, and they were seating us, only after a few minutes. Wow, are we a great team the three of us, we create great energy together and can manifest anything. Wow, this just reconfirmed how much I love them and love being around them, our energies are great together. Synergy, that energy you create with high energy like minded souls! That can mean in the creative work place, or just for fun, just like this.
So I totally encourage everyone to be very careful who you spend your precious time with. Make it be with wonderful souls like yourself, and you will realize what an amazing place it will take you to! One of joy, happiness, and anything can occur! Truly whatever you want.
Namaste all day ~
So, I had an awesome day today. I spent the day with my niece, her boyfriend and my brother on the beach. It was cloudy and chilly on the beach, but it was so nice to hang outside with loved ones. That is the best thing I love about warm weather, being outside all day. I could easily, and love, and do as much as I can. I take my work, and computer out back all the time.
I was at the beach before my niece, and when they got to the beach her boyfriend realized he lost his badge! He was bummed, it was seasonal, and he lives here and has not lost one since. So, him and my niece went for a walk to look for it without avail. I told him to ask the Universe for it back, so I did saying, "Universe, please bring back his seasonal badge because he truly needs it. He spent $45 on it and does not want to have to buy another one." "Thank you, Amen." So, when we were getting ready to leave the beach he stood up, and started kicking the sand around with his feet, and his seasonal badge literally popped out of the sand! OMG, we all looked at each other freaking out! Then I told my niece it was really important to thank the Universe, so we did as we were walking off the beach laughing.
So, after the beach my niece and her boyfriend were going out to dinner, in Asbury Park, and asked me if I wanted to go. So, I was like, "sure"! Her boyfriend left for awhile and we got to shower and get ready alone, and it made me feel like I was in High School again with my best friend! So much joy to my heart! My nieces boyfriend had asked a neighbor gentlemen to go out to dinner with them, feeling that he was feeling sad and needed a lift. Cool, I thought, it will be nice to meet another soul. So, we went to one of my nieces favorite Restaurant in Asbury Park, "Moonstruck". Along with long waits, there was also the problem with parking, having to drive around many times before finding a spot. So, as we pulled up to the Restaurant my niece told me we were going to get out while her boyfriend was going to look for a parking spot. The next thing that came out of my mouth was, ok, so I will ask God, the Universe and the Angels, to please send us a parking spot! To my surprise, as soon as I said that, I saw a few people walking to their car right next to us in front of the Restaurant. I was like, look there's a spot! OMG, we were all freaking out again, and her boyfriend told me I was their good luck charm. He was still surprised about the badge and grateful, and now the parking spot, how fun. So, we went inside to get a reservation, and there was over an hour wait, which we already knew. So, we went outside to wait, and stood on the steps waiting for her boyfriend. As soon as he came up the steps, my niece looked at me and said, come on, we have to go inside! Hmm, okay I said, even though she was being very strange. So, we walked inside, and they were seating us, only after a few minutes. Wow, are we a great team the three of us, we create great energy together and can manifest anything. Wow, this just reconfirmed how much I love them and love being around them, our energies are great together. Synergy, that energy you create with high energy like minded souls! That can mean in the creative work place, or just for fun, just like this.
So I totally encourage everyone to be very careful who you spend your precious time with. Make it be with wonderful souls like yourself, and you will realize what an amazing place it will take you to! One of joy, happiness, and anything can occur! Truly whatever you want.
Namaste all day ~
Inner Child Work Day ~ Day 31
Namaste
So, the week is almost over and I feel I barely accomplished anything, there are so many things I want to do and get done, but end up doing something else. I feel busy all the time, but there are so many things I need to get done. Pressuring myself, going to stop doing that and know I am doing exactly what I should be doing each day, healing, searching, discovering myself. Not only discovering my abilities, but also my pain. It is a time for deep change, it's happening all around us, just depends if you want to jump on that ride or not. I do, I did, and am so grateful. I truly was pretty depressed for ten years after my divorce, about so many things and missing my ex, looking back I don't know how I got through it, even found a guy or two to fall in love with, but still leave.
Now I truly know the Universe loves us, we are love, total love, the rest is an illusion. An illusion of separation. Just go into your heart when you get mad or sad towards someone, and see what really is hiding in there. It is not your anger, nor your rage, it is deep emotional pain from some childhood trauma just waiting to be heard. That is your inner child, your child who was so hurt it had to fracture into many pieces to be able to deal with the pain. The pain was so deep and so intense, and we were so young. Now is the time of liberation, feeling set free to enjoy life. To dive into that pain to dissolve it, to integrate it as they say. Once that child is cared for and healed, major changes will occur in us, shifts of energy. You will feel it, your friends will see it, and that wound will heal. It is a good idea to have someone around to help you through your feelings if you do not want to go through the pain alone.
I was feeling very sad for a few days over missing my ex. My friend showed me what I truly missed, total connection to someone all the time, to feel totally connected, comforts me knowing someone really cares. I realize how much I need to be connected.
I see that I am suppose to just "be" with this feeling, see where it's coming from and accept it. Not to push it away like I always have, not wanting to sit in the pain so long alone. Does it ever get better, does it ever end?? How long will this integration of my emotions take? I know everyone would be different, your journey is totally personal, so no one would have that answer. The answer would be to just "sit with" that emotion, and be with it each time. Your body will know when it is ready to go deeper, and then it will. It knows how much you can bear at a time, and will take care of us.
I missed the day going to the beach with my daughter, and it saddens me so, that I got upset with her mood, and changed my mind about going. But, I truly wanted to go, but spoke the wrongs words, telling her I didn't! I have done this so much in my life, I hope I can figure out why.
I did work on going through my emotions, where did this feeling come from, and I feel left out and unwanted the way it all happened. So, where did these feelings stem from? No specific incident, just childhood stuff. It made me realize I felt very hurt in the past by girls who were my best friend, and then would just drop me like a hot potato. I never knew why, never understood, but always felt hurt. Cried many tears of feeling left out and alone. I sat with those feelings and realized how lonely I felt in that house all alone, with all the arguing and fighting, and no one there to help me, just feeling all alone. These feelings are new for me to explore. I didn't realize how I even "felt" in that house. I knew I was so happy outside my home, I loved to socialize like my Dad, and always had many friends, especially in High School. So, when I always thought of my past, I remember being happy, but didn't look into my feelings in that house. So, now I know, just great! So, that is where I go, and what I work on, those feelings until they no longer surface and they integrate.
But, I was sad today, it is always a hard day for me when my children give me attitude for no reason at all. It saddens me, but I realize it is the Universe telling me my children need to grow up and spread their wings and fly, regardless if I am happy or not.
Namaste all day ~
So, the week is almost over and I feel I barely accomplished anything, there are so many things I want to do and get done, but end up doing something else. I feel busy all the time, but there are so many things I need to get done. Pressuring myself, going to stop doing that and know I am doing exactly what I should be doing each day, healing, searching, discovering myself. Not only discovering my abilities, but also my pain. It is a time for deep change, it's happening all around us, just depends if you want to jump on that ride or not. I do, I did, and am so grateful. I truly was pretty depressed for ten years after my divorce, about so many things and missing my ex, looking back I don't know how I got through it, even found a guy or two to fall in love with, but still leave.
Now I truly know the Universe loves us, we are love, total love, the rest is an illusion. An illusion of separation. Just go into your heart when you get mad or sad towards someone, and see what really is hiding in there. It is not your anger, nor your rage, it is deep emotional pain from some childhood trauma just waiting to be heard. That is your inner child, your child who was so hurt it had to fracture into many pieces to be able to deal with the pain. The pain was so deep and so intense, and we were so young. Now is the time of liberation, feeling set free to enjoy life. To dive into that pain to dissolve it, to integrate it as they say. Once that child is cared for and healed, major changes will occur in us, shifts of energy. You will feel it, your friends will see it, and that wound will heal. It is a good idea to have someone around to help you through your feelings if you do not want to go through the pain alone.
I was feeling very sad for a few days over missing my ex. My friend showed me what I truly missed, total connection to someone all the time, to feel totally connected, comforts me knowing someone really cares. I realize how much I need to be connected.
I see that I am suppose to just "be" with this feeling, see where it's coming from and accept it. Not to push it away like I always have, not wanting to sit in the pain so long alone. Does it ever get better, does it ever end?? How long will this integration of my emotions take? I know everyone would be different, your journey is totally personal, so no one would have that answer. The answer would be to just "sit with" that emotion, and be with it each time. Your body will know when it is ready to go deeper, and then it will. It knows how much you can bear at a time, and will take care of us.
I missed the day going to the beach with my daughter, and it saddens me so, that I got upset with her mood, and changed my mind about going. But, I truly wanted to go, but spoke the wrongs words, telling her I didn't! I have done this so much in my life, I hope I can figure out why.
I did work on going through my emotions, where did this feeling come from, and I feel left out and unwanted the way it all happened. So, where did these feelings stem from? No specific incident, just childhood stuff. It made me realize I felt very hurt in the past by girls who were my best friend, and then would just drop me like a hot potato. I never knew why, never understood, but always felt hurt. Cried many tears of feeling left out and alone. I sat with those feelings and realized how lonely I felt in that house all alone, with all the arguing and fighting, and no one there to help me, just feeling all alone. These feelings are new for me to explore. I didn't realize how I even "felt" in that house. I knew I was so happy outside my home, I loved to socialize like my Dad, and always had many friends, especially in High School. So, when I always thought of my past, I remember being happy, but didn't look into my feelings in that house. So, now I know, just great! So, that is where I go, and what I work on, those feelings until they no longer surface and they integrate.
But, I was sad today, it is always a hard day for me when my children give me attitude for no reason at all. It saddens me, but I realize it is the Universe telling me my children need to grow up and spread their wings and fly, regardless if I am happy or not.
Namaste all day ~
Wednesday ~ Day 30
Hello
So, today I am feeling somewhat better. Being away at the beach yesterday helped break up my sadness, and last night I got a call from Irina! It was great to hear her voice, we haven't spoken all week. She was so concerned with how I was doing, how I was feeling because she knew I was was feeling sad. We talked about my Shaman experience, and she told me I was opening up all of my wounds so I can integrated them into my life now, just what Teal says! She felt I was really getting to the root to my pain, and that is progress. While I explained to her about me feeling like there are knives in my neck, and I worked on removing them, she got chills all over. So many things I told her resonated with her in chills. That is so cool to be that connected to someone that they "feel" you, your energy, your spirit even so far away physically. I explained to her about realizing the knives were pains from blame and quilt from my childhood years, blaming myself for what happened.
We spoke about how I miss my ex so much, and have had these feelings for ten years, on and off since I have been divorced. And it gets me so depressed, worrying about this feeling never leaving, when he is gone, I have to let him go but haven't been able to. She asked me what that feeling is, what do I miss, what did it feel like for me to be with him for thirty years? What did I miss about that feeling of being with him? I realized the amazing sense of oneness and security and knowing someone is always there for me, that is the feeling I had being with him and miss. This is the feeling that keeps coming back to me, and now I get it, I finally understand it! I will have to see where this new information takes me, do I miss him again today? Yes, but definitely not as much as yesterday.
Sometimes it feels like there is too much to figure out, too much work to do. I also wonder where I am right now in my life? I have changes to make, in regards to living arrangements and creating financial abundance. I currently am not working, leaving my care taking job of four small children. So, now I want to write and publish my books and create abundance. I also love to paint, draw, and I want to eventually open up some "Healing Centers" for children that I have created in my mind. So much other work to do. And I need to paint some furniture I have wanted to, cleanse all of my rooms, closets, basement, the entire house, and get rid of so much stuff! Clear the energy and refresh and renew. Moving will have to come, and I am so scared and nervous about that. The girls found a place they love, but are trying to get the funds from their Dad, to help out. I would enjoy living in that same complex, it is very huge,not in any of these northern towns, fifteen minutes south, but enough to be in an entirely new town that I have never been to. I have lots of old memories lurking around me here, Living next to the town my ex grew up in and the home we lived in when our children were small. God, I truly do love him, I always will regardless of the pain. I hurt him too so many times by the words I would write in my journal, words of pain and hate toward him for the pain I felt by his criticisms. I did not realize anything at the time, the pain was beyond anything I could keep enduring along with raising three crazy kids!
I am going through so many emotions, so much turmoil now. Teal explained this in one of her videos about being in the pain. Just accepting it, not trying to change it and abandon myself. That is what I have been doing for ten years. I am now accepting where I am on my journey, accepting I am in physical and emotional pain, and I am working towards health. She explained once you know you are here to follow your bliss and are pure love, then you can dive into your pain and deal with it. Her video was actually so inspiring, you can just feel the way she feels, her emotions resonate with you and you have compassion and sadness for what she explained. She explained yes, it would be hard, but if we all had the courage to do this, we could not even imagine how the world would be, without us suffering. She must have seen such a magnificent image, because it brought tears to her eyes. My heart felt her. She is an amazing woman, one who truly is inside each one of us, healing us, and resonating us to a higher vibration for the greater good of all, if we are open to it. After her workshop in Chicago, I felt her spirit around me all the time. I felt that way when my Mom and Dad passed, it was so comforting. Now, I feel more confused, as time goes on I am starting to question what to do, etc. But, I am not pressuring myself, just taking it day by day, following my joy in and out of the emotions, and trying to do what feels right to me each day. A lot of chilling out, relaxing, summer stuff like the beach, and spending time with my family, and reading and writing of course. It is a better day, I will see how it ends.
My friends from Chicago are so amazing. They have so much love in their hearts I am blessed to have found them, to have found one another again. Teal has explained how these people are our "soul family", and Irina was thrilled! She found her home, and needed that. And she is so young, most of her followers are, that is what's so exciting! They will totally be the major impact on change on this earth in my lifetime! The unconditional love and acceptance was and is so beautiful. Thank you Universe, I am grateful. I am also so grateful for my three awesome, spiritual children!
Namaste ~ I love you!
So, today I am feeling somewhat better. Being away at the beach yesterday helped break up my sadness, and last night I got a call from Irina! It was great to hear her voice, we haven't spoken all week. She was so concerned with how I was doing, how I was feeling because she knew I was was feeling sad. We talked about my Shaman experience, and she told me I was opening up all of my wounds so I can integrated them into my life now, just what Teal says! She felt I was really getting to the root to my pain, and that is progress. While I explained to her about me feeling like there are knives in my neck, and I worked on removing them, she got chills all over. So many things I told her resonated with her in chills. That is so cool to be that connected to someone that they "feel" you, your energy, your spirit even so far away physically. I explained to her about realizing the knives were pains from blame and quilt from my childhood years, blaming myself for what happened.
We spoke about how I miss my ex so much, and have had these feelings for ten years, on and off since I have been divorced. And it gets me so depressed, worrying about this feeling never leaving, when he is gone, I have to let him go but haven't been able to. She asked me what that feeling is, what do I miss, what did it feel like for me to be with him for thirty years? What did I miss about that feeling of being with him? I realized the amazing sense of oneness and security and knowing someone is always there for me, that is the feeling I had being with him and miss. This is the feeling that keeps coming back to me, and now I get it, I finally understand it! I will have to see where this new information takes me, do I miss him again today? Yes, but definitely not as much as yesterday.
Sometimes it feels like there is too much to figure out, too much work to do. I also wonder where I am right now in my life? I have changes to make, in regards to living arrangements and creating financial abundance. I currently am not working, leaving my care taking job of four small children. So, now I want to write and publish my books and create abundance. I also love to paint, draw, and I want to eventually open up some "Healing Centers" for children that I have created in my mind. So much other work to do. And I need to paint some furniture I have wanted to, cleanse all of my rooms, closets, basement, the entire house, and get rid of so much stuff! Clear the energy and refresh and renew. Moving will have to come, and I am so scared and nervous about that. The girls found a place they love, but are trying to get the funds from their Dad, to help out. I would enjoy living in that same complex, it is very huge,not in any of these northern towns, fifteen minutes south, but enough to be in an entirely new town that I have never been to. I have lots of old memories lurking around me here, Living next to the town my ex grew up in and the home we lived in when our children were small. God, I truly do love him, I always will regardless of the pain. I hurt him too so many times by the words I would write in my journal, words of pain and hate toward him for the pain I felt by his criticisms. I did not realize anything at the time, the pain was beyond anything I could keep enduring along with raising three crazy kids!
I am going through so many emotions, so much turmoil now. Teal explained this in one of her videos about being in the pain. Just accepting it, not trying to change it and abandon myself. That is what I have been doing for ten years. I am now accepting where I am on my journey, accepting I am in physical and emotional pain, and I am working towards health. She explained once you know you are here to follow your bliss and are pure love, then you can dive into your pain and deal with it. Her video was actually so inspiring, you can just feel the way she feels, her emotions resonate with you and you have compassion and sadness for what she explained. She explained yes, it would be hard, but if we all had the courage to do this, we could not even imagine how the world would be, without us suffering. She must have seen such a magnificent image, because it brought tears to her eyes. My heart felt her. She is an amazing woman, one who truly is inside each one of us, healing us, and resonating us to a higher vibration for the greater good of all, if we are open to it. After her workshop in Chicago, I felt her spirit around me all the time. I felt that way when my Mom and Dad passed, it was so comforting. Now, I feel more confused, as time goes on I am starting to question what to do, etc. But, I am not pressuring myself, just taking it day by day, following my joy in and out of the emotions, and trying to do what feels right to me each day. A lot of chilling out, relaxing, summer stuff like the beach, and spending time with my family, and reading and writing of course. It is a better day, I will see how it ends.
My friends from Chicago are so amazing. They have so much love in their hearts I am blessed to have found them, to have found one another again. Teal has explained how these people are our "soul family", and Irina was thrilled! She found her home, and needed that. And she is so young, most of her followers are, that is what's so exciting! They will totally be the major impact on change on this earth in my lifetime! The unconditional love and acceptance was and is so beautiful. Thank you Universe, I am grateful. I am also so grateful for my three awesome, spiritual children!
Namaste ~ I love you!
Monday ~ Day 28
Hello ~
I am on my way to go see a Shaman this morning, to talk about Soul Retrieval work. This is work where you bring back pieces of your soul, pieces that split and left you due to the pain and suffering of some type of childhood trauma. It is also similar to "Inner Child" work taught by many psychologists. In this process you go back to your past trauma, and talk to that child, and comfort that child. Once this is accomplished, you have "integrated" the past trauma into the now, and the pain and suffering disappears, along with physical pain, and raising your vibration to new beginnings. This meeting though, was just to talk about me doing soul retrieval work. I was really excited and somewhat nervous, and put on a cute flowing summer dress, with orange and earth Aztec print. I felt good.
When I arrived I had no idea what to expect. The door opened up to this beautiful soul with green eyes, shorter than I, with light hair to her chin. We talked easily about my path, the inner child work I have been doing, Teal Swan (I kept telling her about everything she has taught me!), and I brought up my abuse and how I miss my ex. We worked on my pain in my neck and entire back, and she asked the pain, "what do you want to tell me"? And I heard my mothers voice yelling at me, telling me how I can't do anything, can't do anything right, and not to count my chickens before they are hatched. I explained this to her, then more visions appeared from the past. I felt I blamed myself for things, thinking there was a way I could have stopped it. She helped me work though that explaining I was a helpless child, and that your existence is based on your parents love. She explained I did nothing wrong, and nothing was my fault. What a Shaman can do is help you work through your problems by feeling the emotions, but they are there for support in the physical and in spirit, and help hold you in a higher place of love to help heal your body and soul. The blame thing, wow, I have been blaming myself for things for a long time, no more though, now I know. And guilt, this explains why I have always carried so much blame and guilt around on my shoulders, because I literally have felt that way, always blaming a situation on myself, and feeling so guilty about it for years and years. Now I see how stuck that kept me, not allowing me to move forward. Even with my ex husband, I blamed myself so much, for many mistakes I made with money after I was divorced I blamed myself forever. It's a terrible feeling to feel guilty over the past, and blame yourself, and I did that for so long. And I have also blamed my children for so many things when I could not take responsibility for my own behavior. I am glad I am no longer in that place, and am learning much more about myself, and why I do the things I do. Then, I can address those feelings so they can integrate and help me to become one, which helps all of us in our "oneness". Remember, always remember, we are one, we are connected, always and forever, and we are all on a beautiful journey together, so let's try to make the most of it!
I love you ~ Namaste ~
I am on my way to go see a Shaman this morning, to talk about Soul Retrieval work. This is work where you bring back pieces of your soul, pieces that split and left you due to the pain and suffering of some type of childhood trauma. It is also similar to "Inner Child" work taught by many psychologists. In this process you go back to your past trauma, and talk to that child, and comfort that child. Once this is accomplished, you have "integrated" the past trauma into the now, and the pain and suffering disappears, along with physical pain, and raising your vibration to new beginnings. This meeting though, was just to talk about me doing soul retrieval work. I was really excited and somewhat nervous, and put on a cute flowing summer dress, with orange and earth Aztec print. I felt good.
When I arrived I had no idea what to expect. The door opened up to this beautiful soul with green eyes, shorter than I, with light hair to her chin. We talked easily about my path, the inner child work I have been doing, Teal Swan (I kept telling her about everything she has taught me!), and I brought up my abuse and how I miss my ex. We worked on my pain in my neck and entire back, and she asked the pain, "what do you want to tell me"? And I heard my mothers voice yelling at me, telling me how I can't do anything, can't do anything right, and not to count my chickens before they are hatched. I explained this to her, then more visions appeared from the past. I felt I blamed myself for things, thinking there was a way I could have stopped it. She helped me work though that explaining I was a helpless child, and that your existence is based on your parents love. She explained I did nothing wrong, and nothing was my fault. What a Shaman can do is help you work through your problems by feeling the emotions, but they are there for support in the physical and in spirit, and help hold you in a higher place of love to help heal your body and soul. The blame thing, wow, I have been blaming myself for things for a long time, no more though, now I know. And guilt, this explains why I have always carried so much blame and guilt around on my shoulders, because I literally have felt that way, always blaming a situation on myself, and feeling so guilty about it for years and years. Now I see how stuck that kept me, not allowing me to move forward. Even with my ex husband, I blamed myself so much, for many mistakes I made with money after I was divorced I blamed myself forever. It's a terrible feeling to feel guilty over the past, and blame yourself, and I did that for so long. And I have also blamed my children for so many things when I could not take responsibility for my own behavior. I am glad I am no longer in that place, and am learning much more about myself, and why I do the things I do. Then, I can address those feelings so they can integrate and help me to become one, which helps all of us in our "oneness". Remember, always remember, we are one, we are connected, always and forever, and we are all on a beautiful journey together, so let's try to make the most of it!
I love you ~ Namaste ~
Sunday ~ Day 27
Hi!
So, it's Sunday and my kids have plans. It was cloudy today, then cleared up so I decided to hit the beach, not feeling much like staying home alone all day.
Teal came out with another "Ask Teal" video about burying your dreams. Not your future dreams, but you old dreams, the ones you wish happened but didn't. The dreams you had about the past, that you wished turned out differenly. These dreams can be holding us back from creating a new life of abundance. She explained to write down your fantasy life, things you wish really did happen to you, and then bury it in a coffin. Then burn the notes, and set yourself free. It's funny how she wrote about this when I have been having tears of missing my ex and wishing things turned out so differently. So, as I was taking a bath I cried, and grieved about not having what I wanted, my huge mansion with the man of my dreams, on a five acre wooded lot. We had plans made up for our "castle", the one we had been dreaming about since our young twenties. I cried about raising my children along with my ex in their growing years, I cried wishing things were different, this was my worse cry yet. I wasn't happy at all the entire morning, grieving over what could have been, being really unhappy I chose to have a life like this. Basically wanting to give up. Being so tired of fighting this fight, this pain and sadness that has haunted me my entire life. Look at me, still crying over why I left my ex and changed my entire life to such struggle, not happy with being divorced for ten years raising my children alone. I feel I have nothing, have no one, and am all alone in the world. I hope going through these emotions will help release, integrate, and leave my vibration higher. This is certainly not fun, not fun at all.
When I got to the beach it was chilly, so I went to the bay. I met two High School senior girls, one was the lifeguard. We talked the entire time I was there, they were so cute, so cool, and we talked about everything. We talked about the changes going on now, how their generation will help change the world, and being connected as one. They were happy young woman, and I enjoyed their company.
It is always nice to get back home, so comforting for me!
Namaste
So, it's Sunday and my kids have plans. It was cloudy today, then cleared up so I decided to hit the beach, not feeling much like staying home alone all day.
Teal came out with another "Ask Teal" video about burying your dreams. Not your future dreams, but you old dreams, the ones you wish happened but didn't. The dreams you had about the past, that you wished turned out differenly. These dreams can be holding us back from creating a new life of abundance. She explained to write down your fantasy life, things you wish really did happen to you, and then bury it in a coffin. Then burn the notes, and set yourself free. It's funny how she wrote about this when I have been having tears of missing my ex and wishing things turned out so differently. So, as I was taking a bath I cried, and grieved about not having what I wanted, my huge mansion with the man of my dreams, on a five acre wooded lot. We had plans made up for our "castle", the one we had been dreaming about since our young twenties. I cried about raising my children along with my ex in their growing years, I cried wishing things were different, this was my worse cry yet. I wasn't happy at all the entire morning, grieving over what could have been, being really unhappy I chose to have a life like this. Basically wanting to give up. Being so tired of fighting this fight, this pain and sadness that has haunted me my entire life. Look at me, still crying over why I left my ex and changed my entire life to such struggle, not happy with being divorced for ten years raising my children alone. I feel I have nothing, have no one, and am all alone in the world. I hope going through these emotions will help release, integrate, and leave my vibration higher. This is certainly not fun, not fun at all.
When I got to the beach it was chilly, so I went to the bay. I met two High School senior girls, one was the lifeguard. We talked the entire time I was there, they were so cute, so cool, and we talked about everything. We talked about the changes going on now, how their generation will help change the world, and being connected as one. They were happy young woman, and I enjoyed their company.
It is always nice to get back home, so comforting for me!
Namaste
Wednesday, August 27, 2014
Saturday ~ Day 26
Hello
Wow, what a day. Teal had an online workshop, which I wasn't going to originally attend, but decided to today. It was totally amazing! She answered so many questions, way more than she does at her live Workshops. During those workshops she gets more into the person personally, and knows who they are, what they need, etc., and they communicate back and forth about the issue, until the person can "understand" what she is saying. She covered so many different topics it was amazing. Topics I always was curious about and never heard her speak of like negative entities on someone, and how some people form "attachments" to us, and they are like cords that could be attached anywhere on our body. If you meditate on this you will know if you "feel" any from anyone. She explained how to get rid of both of them, through intention, it's all about intention! She spoke about inner child work again, and how important it is to comfort that child, to be there with him or her and accept what's going on. After time those feelings will be integrated within you, and you will see a drastic change in your life because the entire "energy" has shifted. I can't wait for that to happen. It seems as if I have been crying all week about childhood pain, and over my ex as well. That's confusing to me, why I still feel like I am connected to him, maybe it is because of the cords we have attached to each other. This is not a healthy attachment though, it is one you would want to be set free. I did do the exercise along with her, and worked on taking the cords out of me and my ex and pouring healing purple and blue light in that space, and sewed it up, kissed it and sprinkled healing fairy dust coming out of my finger tips on the wound.
People ask questions for her to answer, and they choose as many questions as they can, and all of them seemed so meaningful. That's the cool thing, when you all think the same way, everything you need to hear comes up because you are all in the same place emotionally, vibrationally. Teal discussed not abandoning ourselves, and putting ourselves first, loving ourselves and listening to our heart. So many of us put others first, and pushed our own self aside. I know now to not do that any longer. I finally get it. She also spoke about our core imprint, many of us felt it was abandonment. She spoke of why we would feel that way, and how we want to feel now, and how that serves as our life purpose. She spoke about many things we have all been talking about the past few weeks, but was able to dive down deeper into them, and be more thorough for us to learn from. She is such a teacher, an amazing teacher to be here now on earth as we are all growing and changing so rapidly. We are transforming fast, all of us, I see it, I feel it, it's so exciting. I have connected with the best people ever from her, through her, and my life will never be the same. I want to help be the change, I want to reach the kids like Teal is reaching the adults. That is why I have started to write some children's books, it may be time to take it seriously now, and finish them, get them illustrated and published. I wanted to try to illustrate them myself, but may be difficult for me, never doing this type of art before. But I totally love art, I always have, it has served me well. It has guided my self esteem, and helped to express myself, and kept my hands busy. I really enjoy drawing, and want to take some art classes now. Also wanting to take a pottery class, preferably the wheel, so much fun art is!
I am so thrilled I got to hang out with Teal and Sarbdeep today, watching them is just like being next to them, I can't explain it. Teal even said she does connect with people out of body, and yes it is real, we are communicating with her! How real and awesome is that! So, now my new thing is to work on getting out of body at night before bed.
Namaste
Wow, what a day. Teal had an online workshop, which I wasn't going to originally attend, but decided to today. It was totally amazing! She answered so many questions, way more than she does at her live Workshops. During those workshops she gets more into the person personally, and knows who they are, what they need, etc., and they communicate back and forth about the issue, until the person can "understand" what she is saying. She covered so many different topics it was amazing. Topics I always was curious about and never heard her speak of like negative entities on someone, and how some people form "attachments" to us, and they are like cords that could be attached anywhere on our body. If you meditate on this you will know if you "feel" any from anyone. She explained how to get rid of both of them, through intention, it's all about intention! She spoke about inner child work again, and how important it is to comfort that child, to be there with him or her and accept what's going on. After time those feelings will be integrated within you, and you will see a drastic change in your life because the entire "energy" has shifted. I can't wait for that to happen. It seems as if I have been crying all week about childhood pain, and over my ex as well. That's confusing to me, why I still feel like I am connected to him, maybe it is because of the cords we have attached to each other. This is not a healthy attachment though, it is one you would want to be set free. I did do the exercise along with her, and worked on taking the cords out of me and my ex and pouring healing purple and blue light in that space, and sewed it up, kissed it and sprinkled healing fairy dust coming out of my finger tips on the wound.
People ask questions for her to answer, and they choose as many questions as they can, and all of them seemed so meaningful. That's the cool thing, when you all think the same way, everything you need to hear comes up because you are all in the same place emotionally, vibrationally. Teal discussed not abandoning ourselves, and putting ourselves first, loving ourselves and listening to our heart. So many of us put others first, and pushed our own self aside. I know now to not do that any longer. I finally get it. She also spoke about our core imprint, many of us felt it was abandonment. She spoke of why we would feel that way, and how we want to feel now, and how that serves as our life purpose. She spoke about many things we have all been talking about the past few weeks, but was able to dive down deeper into them, and be more thorough for us to learn from. She is such a teacher, an amazing teacher to be here now on earth as we are all growing and changing so rapidly. We are transforming fast, all of us, I see it, I feel it, it's so exciting. I have connected with the best people ever from her, through her, and my life will never be the same. I want to help be the change, I want to reach the kids like Teal is reaching the adults. That is why I have started to write some children's books, it may be time to take it seriously now, and finish them, get them illustrated and published. I wanted to try to illustrate them myself, but may be difficult for me, never doing this type of art before. But I totally love art, I always have, it has served me well. It has guided my self esteem, and helped to express myself, and kept my hands busy. I really enjoy drawing, and want to take some art classes now. Also wanting to take a pottery class, preferably the wheel, so much fun art is!
I am so thrilled I got to hang out with Teal and Sarbdeep today, watching them is just like being next to them, I can't explain it. Teal even said she does connect with people out of body, and yes it is real, we are communicating with her! How real and awesome is that! So, now my new thing is to work on getting out of body at night before bed.
Namaste
Friday ~ Day 25
Hello Everyone ~
So, it's Friday, I had an awesome day at the beach with some of my family yesterday. My niece was in town from Chicago, with her husband and two boys I love. They came to the beach, along with my brother, his wife, and their other daughter, along with her fiance and two boys as well. It was such an awesome day at the beach, I always love seeing my family, any of them. But, don't enjoy them anymore if they throw me digs, which I won't allow myself to do any longer because I am on a self love, follow your bliss journey, and there is no room for negative anyone, family included. I no longer feel bad, but actually relieved because I was in denial about my family, thinking they are "so great, so supportive and so loving and giving", but the truth is, they are not. Oh well, it's okay, I will always love them, and if our paths cross again, I will be there with open arms. The cool thing is I know this is "magically" happening, because the Universe knows my energy shifted, and I am no longer a match to that abuse. Yay for me! So empowering to me, and the best thing is, I only have love and peace for them. There is a saying, "May all beings, animals, trees, etc., be free of suffering". I love it.
I also sat down and watched some of Teal and Sarbdeep's Podcast #20 yesterday, and it was all about finding your "core imprint", and finding you life purpose with that information. I only watched part of it, but it went along with her "Ask Teal" video from Saturday, and her blog this week. It's cool how there is always a theme, one that we all seem to be going through at this time. As I went back to my birth, wow, I had a lot of visions of not feeling wanted, not feeling loved. I cried a lot of tears over this last night.
I watched the rest of it today, and cried, not feeling very loved and happy today. My feelings go toward my ex missing him, feeling so disconnected, but then try to go back to childhood. How interesting this is becoming to automatically be able to do this now and be aware of it. Today those memories brought feelings to me of being disconnected, disconnected from my source of energy, my mother. Like I was ripped from her womb too early, I was screaming, crying in desperation! Not wanting to leave, not wanting to go. This is that same feeling I have felt many times without my ex, feeling such a disconnection of energy, of source. It is actually a terrible feeling, one I hope will integrate soon. The same visions, and sadness and pain came over me all day today, along with feeling alone missing my ex and wishing he was here with me. I am sad, I am sorry, I am free. Free to be able to feel how I feel, whatever it may be. But, to be loving and soft with myself, and know things reveal themselves to you when they should, the Universe knows what is best for us, for you, for me. So awesome to remember this, and know this, and live by this. And allow life to unfold, on it's own time, in it's own way, but just relaxing back and flowing with the river, not against it as before.
Namaste ~
So, it's Friday, I had an awesome day at the beach with some of my family yesterday. My niece was in town from Chicago, with her husband and two boys I love. They came to the beach, along with my brother, his wife, and their other daughter, along with her fiance and two boys as well. It was such an awesome day at the beach, I always love seeing my family, any of them. But, don't enjoy them anymore if they throw me digs, which I won't allow myself to do any longer because I am on a self love, follow your bliss journey, and there is no room for negative anyone, family included. I no longer feel bad, but actually relieved because I was in denial about my family, thinking they are "so great, so supportive and so loving and giving", but the truth is, they are not. Oh well, it's okay, I will always love them, and if our paths cross again, I will be there with open arms. The cool thing is I know this is "magically" happening, because the Universe knows my energy shifted, and I am no longer a match to that abuse. Yay for me! So empowering to me, and the best thing is, I only have love and peace for them. There is a saying, "May all beings, animals, trees, etc., be free of suffering". I love it.
I also sat down and watched some of Teal and Sarbdeep's Podcast #20 yesterday, and it was all about finding your "core imprint", and finding you life purpose with that information. I only watched part of it, but it went along with her "Ask Teal" video from Saturday, and her blog this week. It's cool how there is always a theme, one that we all seem to be going through at this time. As I went back to my birth, wow, I had a lot of visions of not feeling wanted, not feeling loved. I cried a lot of tears over this last night.
I watched the rest of it today, and cried, not feeling very loved and happy today. My feelings go toward my ex missing him, feeling so disconnected, but then try to go back to childhood. How interesting this is becoming to automatically be able to do this now and be aware of it. Today those memories brought feelings to me of being disconnected, disconnected from my source of energy, my mother. Like I was ripped from her womb too early, I was screaming, crying in desperation! Not wanting to leave, not wanting to go. This is that same feeling I have felt many times without my ex, feeling such a disconnection of energy, of source. It is actually a terrible feeling, one I hope will integrate soon. The same visions, and sadness and pain came over me all day today, along with feeling alone missing my ex and wishing he was here with me. I am sad, I am sorry, I am free. Free to be able to feel how I feel, whatever it may be. But, to be loving and soft with myself, and know things reveal themselves to you when they should, the Universe knows what is best for us, for you, for me. So awesome to remember this, and know this, and live by this. And allow life to unfold, on it's own time, in it's own way, but just relaxing back and flowing with the river, not against it as before.
Namaste ~
Friday, July 18, 2014
Wednesday ~ Day 23
Namaste
It's a rainy day today and I realize so much how the weather affects me. It's like I feel bummed, Ho Hum. But, I have done a lot of healing work today, working on past emotions, crying over my ex, missing him and don't know why. So, it gave me the opportunity to go back to my childhood and see where this feeling is from, and I realize I felt very abandoned by my mother, like when I was young and she wasn't around due to having other babies and being in the hospital. It left me with a sense of abandonment. Teal just made a video about finding our "core imprint", which is the worst pain you felt as a child. Then, take that exact opposite, and that is your, "life purpose". Hmm, vey interesting I say. Okay, I can go with that, and at first I had feelings of loneliness, then realized it was deeper, like abandonment. In this process we should not make a quick judgment, take your time and let your feelings arise. So, I won't put a label on it yet, I will see what emerges. My body now is in a state of total allowing, and it knows exactly what steps to take and where, when I am ready. As in releasing, and integrating those painful memories. Most of my painful thoughts from childhood seem to come when I am driving, or cleaning. I try to deal with them when they arise, then let them go.
I have also shed a lot of tears over my ex today, thinking of him because of his birthday yesterday, and just crying over missing him. Thinking of things we have done together in the past, etc. It makes me sad to know I still have pain over not being with him. I have learned to go back further with those feelings, back to childhood, and see where they truly emerge from. I don't understand why I feel such a sense of loss with my ex, even if the root cause is from childhood. I am sad today, I feel so much loss and loneliness again, but I will work through it and integrate these feelings, to bring me back to my entire self, my whole self, oneness.
I love you, everyone go shine your light as bright as you can! And maybe deal with those triggers when they come up, go inside and see where they really came from, cry, release, and maybe that is when you will be set free. And the world will become a better place, thanks to each and every one of us.
Namaste
It's a rainy day today and I realize so much how the weather affects me. It's like I feel bummed, Ho Hum. But, I have done a lot of healing work today, working on past emotions, crying over my ex, missing him and don't know why. So, it gave me the opportunity to go back to my childhood and see where this feeling is from, and I realize I felt very abandoned by my mother, like when I was young and she wasn't around due to having other babies and being in the hospital. It left me with a sense of abandonment. Teal just made a video about finding our "core imprint", which is the worst pain you felt as a child. Then, take that exact opposite, and that is your, "life purpose". Hmm, vey interesting I say. Okay, I can go with that, and at first I had feelings of loneliness, then realized it was deeper, like abandonment. In this process we should not make a quick judgment, take your time and let your feelings arise. So, I won't put a label on it yet, I will see what emerges. My body now is in a state of total allowing, and it knows exactly what steps to take and where, when I am ready. As in releasing, and integrating those painful memories. Most of my painful thoughts from childhood seem to come when I am driving, or cleaning. I try to deal with them when they arise, then let them go.
I have also shed a lot of tears over my ex today, thinking of him because of his birthday yesterday, and just crying over missing him. Thinking of things we have done together in the past, etc. It makes me sad to know I still have pain over not being with him. I have learned to go back further with those feelings, back to childhood, and see where they truly emerge from. I don't understand why I feel such a sense of loss with my ex, even if the root cause is from childhood. I am sad today, I feel so much loss and loneliness again, but I will work through it and integrate these feelings, to bring me back to my entire self, my whole self, oneness.
I love you, everyone go shine your light as bright as you can! And maybe deal with those triggers when they come up, go inside and see where they really came from, cry, release, and maybe that is when you will be set free. And the world will become a better place, thanks to each and every one of us.
Namaste
Day 19 ~ Saturday
Hello all ~
Wow, as I look at the change in my life since I have been back from Chicago, it's major. Staying home and not working now has opened my eyes to so many things I never saw before. It has given me faith in the Universe, faith to know "it is okay". It will be okay because I love you so much, I will do anything for you to become whole. Becoming whole means going back to that childhood pain, sitting with that pain, acknowledging that pain, and comforting that child in any way to make it feel better. I love to repeat, "I am here with you now". Because of that pain, we abandon ourselves, but we need to become whole. To become more aware, more enlightened, to come to that place of oneness, it all begins inside our heart. I know for some of you, this can be really painful in thought, but when you allow your feelings to go to the place of pain, and release those emotions, it becomes easier, the struggle is over, and instead of resisting you are allowing. Allowing your feelings to come through, just being with that pain and sadness. Teal told me I was afraid to feel, even though I cried many years over my divorce and my children. But, those tears were one of "sorrow", feeling sorry for myself, crying, "why me"? For years I did this, and finding information like "the law of attraction", helped me to watch what I focused on, and helped get me out of that pit I was in.
I still have so many questions about why some things in my life turned out as they did, but when the time is right, the answer will appear. I have no doubt in my mind anymore how awesome this Universe works, because I see it happening in my life now, and in the lives of the other old souls I am currently reconnecting with, how easy it is to manifest! It's as easy as just thinking it, believing it, and so it is! Wow, I love this way of thinking, it's like a relief, a big, huge relief off of my back and now I can breathe. I do not have to be a prisoner any longer and live in "fear and worry" any longer now that I know. And I want all of you to know the same thing, we are here to find our joy, and live in a state of abundance. We were born pure light and love and will return to that state each time one of us becomes more whole. It is a chain reaction, we are all part of that same change, what happens to one happens to the rest, for sure. Teal said so many powerful things to me that day, and one of them was, "all you have to do is take care of yourself, see how easy that is"? If we all just took care of ourselves, showered ourselves with love, do the appropriate work to grow, then this world will be the place I have always dreamt it would be, one of peace, love and harmony, all souls joined together as one! What a breathe of fresh air! I want you to remember, "We can do it, We are the Change"! Don't ever forget that. Teal, Sarbdeep and Blake, along with many other Spiritual Leaders are part of that change, and I am so proud to be part of that movement! So much Love and Gratitude I have for them, and for my new life! I wake up every day feeling so blessed about my new journey along, and feel so proud of myself for taking this path, and following what my heart and guides were telling me for years. I take it easy, today I stayed around the house all day, working on my garden, my plants, watching "Teal" videos, catching up with computer work, it was a joyous day! I am so grateful to be able to stay home and just be, be in my heart, and be in my pain. When I feel serious pain in my body, I try to stop and rest, and ask my pain where it is from. I will keep doing this until I get answers. I keep getting new visions from my past childhood pain, but they are ones I did remember at some point, but totally forgot about. So, I know my body is in the process of releasing these emotions all by itself, it wants to let them go, so they can integrate with me now, and help me to become one, become whole again! Sounds like a beautiful reward, doesn't it? For each of us to become whole in Bliss! I can't wait, and if I am this joyful in my life already, I can't wait to see where it will bring me. But, I am not resistant to the now, to where I am, the pain I am in, and Teal said that was important. That is why I have put myself, and my body first, before anyone else. This is my time to heal!
Namaste ~
Wow, as I look at the change in my life since I have been back from Chicago, it's major. Staying home and not working now has opened my eyes to so many things I never saw before. It has given me faith in the Universe, faith to know "it is okay". It will be okay because I love you so much, I will do anything for you to become whole. Becoming whole means going back to that childhood pain, sitting with that pain, acknowledging that pain, and comforting that child in any way to make it feel better. I love to repeat, "I am here with you now". Because of that pain, we abandon ourselves, but we need to become whole. To become more aware, more enlightened, to come to that place of oneness, it all begins inside our heart. I know for some of you, this can be really painful in thought, but when you allow your feelings to go to the place of pain, and release those emotions, it becomes easier, the struggle is over, and instead of resisting you are allowing. Allowing your feelings to come through, just being with that pain and sadness. Teal told me I was afraid to feel, even though I cried many years over my divorce and my children. But, those tears were one of "sorrow", feeling sorry for myself, crying, "why me"? For years I did this, and finding information like "the law of attraction", helped me to watch what I focused on, and helped get me out of that pit I was in.
I still have so many questions about why some things in my life turned out as they did, but when the time is right, the answer will appear. I have no doubt in my mind anymore how awesome this Universe works, because I see it happening in my life now, and in the lives of the other old souls I am currently reconnecting with, how easy it is to manifest! It's as easy as just thinking it, believing it, and so it is! Wow, I love this way of thinking, it's like a relief, a big, huge relief off of my back and now I can breathe. I do not have to be a prisoner any longer and live in "fear and worry" any longer now that I know. And I want all of you to know the same thing, we are here to find our joy, and live in a state of abundance. We were born pure light and love and will return to that state each time one of us becomes more whole. It is a chain reaction, we are all part of that same change, what happens to one happens to the rest, for sure. Teal said so many powerful things to me that day, and one of them was, "all you have to do is take care of yourself, see how easy that is"? If we all just took care of ourselves, showered ourselves with love, do the appropriate work to grow, then this world will be the place I have always dreamt it would be, one of peace, love and harmony, all souls joined together as one! What a breathe of fresh air! I want you to remember, "We can do it, We are the Change"! Don't ever forget that. Teal, Sarbdeep and Blake, along with many other Spiritual Leaders are part of that change, and I am so proud to be part of that movement! So much Love and Gratitude I have for them, and for my new life! I wake up every day feeling so blessed about my new journey along, and feel so proud of myself for taking this path, and following what my heart and guides were telling me for years. I take it easy, today I stayed around the house all day, working on my garden, my plants, watching "Teal" videos, catching up with computer work, it was a joyous day! I am so grateful to be able to stay home and just be, be in my heart, and be in my pain. When I feel serious pain in my body, I try to stop and rest, and ask my pain where it is from. I will keep doing this until I get answers. I keep getting new visions from my past childhood pain, but they are ones I did remember at some point, but totally forgot about. So, I know my body is in the process of releasing these emotions all by itself, it wants to let them go, so they can integrate with me now, and help me to become one, become whole again! Sounds like a beautiful reward, doesn't it? For each of us to become whole in Bliss! I can't wait, and if I am this joyful in my life already, I can't wait to see where it will bring me. But, I am not resistant to the now, to where I am, the pain I am in, and Teal said that was important. That is why I have put myself, and my body first, before anyone else. This is my time to heal!
Namaste ~
Tuesday ~ Day 22
Namaste ~
So, I wake up today out of sorts again. I feel so confused about life, what it's all about and how I am living it. I should be putting more time into watching any information about Teal, and doing my work, but sometimes I want to do nothing, so I do. I am wondering today where all of this will lead me, and of course where the money is going to come from to pay for rent and the bills. The money can come from many sources, and anyone can help if they wish. I have enough funds to pay rent here for a few more months. I feel it is time for me to rest, rest and be at peace with myself and my life, no more worries, no more regrets, no more crying over the past with my ex and all the bad decisions I made after my divorce.
It seems like everything was a painful mess, if it was all meant to just bring me back to myself, back to my childhood pain, then I don't get it. It almost seems unfair to mess everyone's life up, for the sake of "becoming whole, becoming one" with yourself. So many lives were hurt by this, I don't understand why my kids had to suffer so much through all of this as well. Why would they chose to come into a life like this, with parents like us, just to suffer again. That suffering thing, I remember Teal breaking down in tears when she spoke about "suffering", and how wonderful life would be without suffering, so beautiful she cried about it! Wow, there is no one like her out there that I know, she is so human, your friend because of the pain she has suffered, but so enlightened and advance I have no clue how she does what she does! I am just grateful to finally have come home. Home to someone who understands the pain I have been in, home to someone who has unconditional love for humanity and truly will make a change, someone who speaks their truth and wants you to speak yours, and someone who tells you that it is okay to be where you are and you are loved just where you are. Her words were powerful to me when she spoke of, "just taking care of yourself", that's all I had to do. Not to worry about everyone else, just take care of me, and let them be. I have never lived my life this way, always being a caretaker of my nieces and nephews, my family, then my three children. Now I have broken free, free of doing for others all the time. I realized when I nanny, I give so much of myself because I love to give, especially to the children, but I don't know how to not give all my energy away. It seems to leave me drained. There should be a way this shouldn't affect me, a way I can keep my energy up, and just giving to them as well. It is total freedom for me right now to know I no longer have to give myself away like that any longer.
I hope I have changed my mind and life about money. Teal and Sarbdeep just made a video about money and abundance and it was awesome. A point also came up about abundance, not limiting your thinking of it just coming through money, it can come in many other ways. Like someone leaving me a lake front house because they wanted to! Yes, it really opened me up to realizing there are so many other ways to manifest things than just with money! Yay, what a huge awakening I had!
I am going to spend the day with my nieces and their boys at a Dinosaur event today, I am so excited, I absolutely love to see my family, especially the little ones, they fill my heart with so much love and joy! I will check in tonite! Have an awesome day!
Namaste
So, I wake up today out of sorts again. I feel so confused about life, what it's all about and how I am living it. I should be putting more time into watching any information about Teal, and doing my work, but sometimes I want to do nothing, so I do. I am wondering today where all of this will lead me, and of course where the money is going to come from to pay for rent and the bills. The money can come from many sources, and anyone can help if they wish. I have enough funds to pay rent here for a few more months. I feel it is time for me to rest, rest and be at peace with myself and my life, no more worries, no more regrets, no more crying over the past with my ex and all the bad decisions I made after my divorce.
It seems like everything was a painful mess, if it was all meant to just bring me back to myself, back to my childhood pain, then I don't get it. It almost seems unfair to mess everyone's life up, for the sake of "becoming whole, becoming one" with yourself. So many lives were hurt by this, I don't understand why my kids had to suffer so much through all of this as well. Why would they chose to come into a life like this, with parents like us, just to suffer again. That suffering thing, I remember Teal breaking down in tears when she spoke about "suffering", and how wonderful life would be without suffering, so beautiful she cried about it! Wow, there is no one like her out there that I know, she is so human, your friend because of the pain she has suffered, but so enlightened and advance I have no clue how she does what she does! I am just grateful to finally have come home. Home to someone who understands the pain I have been in, home to someone who has unconditional love for humanity and truly will make a change, someone who speaks their truth and wants you to speak yours, and someone who tells you that it is okay to be where you are and you are loved just where you are. Her words were powerful to me when she spoke of, "just taking care of yourself", that's all I had to do. Not to worry about everyone else, just take care of me, and let them be. I have never lived my life this way, always being a caretaker of my nieces and nephews, my family, then my three children. Now I have broken free, free of doing for others all the time. I realized when I nanny, I give so much of myself because I love to give, especially to the children, but I don't know how to not give all my energy away. It seems to leave me drained. There should be a way this shouldn't affect me, a way I can keep my energy up, and just giving to them as well. It is total freedom for me right now to know I no longer have to give myself away like that any longer.
I hope I have changed my mind and life about money. Teal and Sarbdeep just made a video about money and abundance and it was awesome. A point also came up about abundance, not limiting your thinking of it just coming through money, it can come in many other ways. Like someone leaving me a lake front house because they wanted to! Yes, it really opened me up to realizing there are so many other ways to manifest things than just with money! Yay, what a huge awakening I had!
I am going to spend the day with my nieces and their boys at a Dinosaur event today, I am so excited, I absolutely love to see my family, especially the little ones, they fill my heart with so much love and joy! I will check in tonite! Have an awesome day!
Namaste
Monday ~ Day 21
Hello
I woke up today in so much pain, and didn't get out of bed until 9:30, which is so weird because I have been getting up a lot around 7:30. So, I just laid around all day. Took my time relaxing, reading, cooking and eating. I was grateful to be able to lay around and take care of my body today, if that is what it needed, and it was. But, as I meditated this morning, I went back to my childhood, when I was a year old and my mother went in the hospital to have my brother, I have no idea who took care of me, but felt abandoned. That feeling of being abandoned, like my connection of energy was cut off, was the feeling I kept getting when I was with a guy and he left. I would cry for months, feeling so cut off from my energy supply, alone and abandoned. I have also felt this way on and off for years about my ex husband, my children, and my family. When I was at the workshop, Teal did say I had many more things happen to me that I did not remember. I am waiting for an appointment with a Shaman, and can't wait. She will do soul retrieval work, and explained to me that it is serious work, and how you need to be prepared when parts of your soul returns, it could be very powerful. Okay, I am ready, I can't wait. I would love to progress quickly with easy lessons to learn from. Along with awesome, wonderful soul friends, to hang out with, have fun with, and create abundance with. I did find a Shaman to help with this process, and finally have an appointment with her on Monday, I can't wait. This has been an awesome journey since I have left Chicago, four weeks ago, I have come back renewed, refreshed, but with sooo much inner healing work to do!
It's my ex's birthday today, and I realize how much love I had and still have for him, and how I miss him, and see him in my eyes very well still. He was blessed with a little girl over a year ago, and is a proud father. I truly hope he enjoys her, and I realize the blessings she is sending him each and every day. Sometimes I wish it was me, with him and the baby, I don't know why these feelings come to me, but they do. I don't know why I still feel so attached to him sometimes. I thought he was gone, out of my head, but looks like he is not. I feel I have known him forever, in many other lifetimes, and we are here to reunite. To be able to at least be friendly to each other and talk, and have a relationship. It will be interesting to see what happens between him and I. He has not been able to talk to me for years, he has told the children years ago he wants nothing to do with me.
It has been raining all day, I have been tired and sleepy all day, and I am going to bed!
Goodnight, Namaste
I woke up today in so much pain, and didn't get out of bed until 9:30, which is so weird because I have been getting up a lot around 7:30. So, I just laid around all day. Took my time relaxing, reading, cooking and eating. I was grateful to be able to lay around and take care of my body today, if that is what it needed, and it was. But, as I meditated this morning, I went back to my childhood, when I was a year old and my mother went in the hospital to have my brother, I have no idea who took care of me, but felt abandoned. That feeling of being abandoned, like my connection of energy was cut off, was the feeling I kept getting when I was with a guy and he left. I would cry for months, feeling so cut off from my energy supply, alone and abandoned. I have also felt this way on and off for years about my ex husband, my children, and my family. When I was at the workshop, Teal did say I had many more things happen to me that I did not remember. I am waiting for an appointment with a Shaman, and can't wait. She will do soul retrieval work, and explained to me that it is serious work, and how you need to be prepared when parts of your soul returns, it could be very powerful. Okay, I am ready, I can't wait. I would love to progress quickly with easy lessons to learn from. Along with awesome, wonderful soul friends, to hang out with, have fun with, and create abundance with. I did find a Shaman to help with this process, and finally have an appointment with her on Monday, I can't wait. This has been an awesome journey since I have left Chicago, four weeks ago, I have come back renewed, refreshed, but with sooo much inner healing work to do!
It's my ex's birthday today, and I realize how much love I had and still have for him, and how I miss him, and see him in my eyes very well still. He was blessed with a little girl over a year ago, and is a proud father. I truly hope he enjoys her, and I realize the blessings she is sending him each and every day. Sometimes I wish it was me, with him and the baby, I don't know why these feelings come to me, but they do. I don't know why I still feel so attached to him sometimes. I thought he was gone, out of my head, but looks like he is not. I feel I have known him forever, in many other lifetimes, and we are here to reunite. To be able to at least be friendly to each other and talk, and have a relationship. It will be interesting to see what happens between him and I. He has not been able to talk to me for years, he has told the children years ago he wants nothing to do with me.
It has been raining all day, I have been tired and sleepy all day, and I am going to bed!
Goodnight, Namaste
Sunday ~ Day 20
Hello
I had an awesome day today! My niece came into town from Chicago with her husband, and two sons. So her parents, my brother and sister in law, had a BBQ for her, and for family and friends. It was a beautiful day, and I always love to be near my family, and especially the children. My other niece, also has two young boys. My niece and her husband are really calm, laid back people, and they are a pleasure to be around. I had the opportunity to stay with them for the first time in Chicago, when I went to Teal's Workshop. Their kids are great, so cute, and oh my, the older boy has these gorgeous blue eyes! I totally go soft for those blue eyes. My son had them too, so beautiful they were! As he grew older they weren't as crystal blue. They have a pool, and the kids swam. I always enjoy hanging out with the kids, and always have. When my older brothers had children, I always hung out with them at family gatherings, and always went to visit them when they were young. And now my nieces have their own children, and I am a proud GREAT Aunt to nine boys! Ha, not one girl. They are all so precious, and I love spending time with them to see them grow. It's funny how life keeps evolving and evolving with each generation just growing and growing. Something you don't think about when you are young.
So, today was a day just to be free and enjoy myself, and I did. Tomorrow I want to dive back into some Teal videos, like her shadow house 2.0, and the new one she did about finding your pain and life purpose. She's just great, she's always just one step ahead of me and I love it! I can't explain it, but it's like I feel her presence around me often, so much during the day, and it is so beautiful and so comforting to feel. It's like I know everything will be okay now that I found her, and I am back home! I still talk to her all day, sometimes saying, "hello", or "I love you", or "thank you", and I tell her the ideas I receive and the way I am growing and changing.
We are totally, really going to be the change. Thank you Universe for caring and pushing me ahead. I still have so much pain to work out, but it will be just how it should be, right here, right now. Sometimes I feel like I have to stop and really see what's happening, and pinch myself! It's exactly as it should be.
I am helping with the Boston Workshop, and I thought Teal should have flowers all around her, bouquets everywhere. Then, she just came out with a new painting, "Sunflower", and it is amazing! So much energy pops out of the picture its crazy. So, I thought instead of roses, we could put sunflowers all over! I am asking the Universe to provide us with tons of fresh Sunflowers for Teal Swan's Workshop at the Hyatt, in Cambridge, MA on August 9, 2014, and I thank you! And so it is!
I am so excited for this workshop, I sense a total different energy. More calming and peaceful for me for sure, I am thrilled to have my own space at night to sleep and wake up in! But, the cool thing is Blake and Graciela are staying in the Boston House this time. I think it's a first for them, and that in itself is awesome.
Okay, I am turning in for the night. Thank you Universe, for pushing us all to expand, to make this a better place! Namaste
I had an awesome day today! My niece came into town from Chicago with her husband, and two sons. So her parents, my brother and sister in law, had a BBQ for her, and for family and friends. It was a beautiful day, and I always love to be near my family, and especially the children. My other niece, also has two young boys. My niece and her husband are really calm, laid back people, and they are a pleasure to be around. I had the opportunity to stay with them for the first time in Chicago, when I went to Teal's Workshop. Their kids are great, so cute, and oh my, the older boy has these gorgeous blue eyes! I totally go soft for those blue eyes. My son had them too, so beautiful they were! As he grew older they weren't as crystal blue. They have a pool, and the kids swam. I always enjoy hanging out with the kids, and always have. When my older brothers had children, I always hung out with them at family gatherings, and always went to visit them when they were young. And now my nieces have their own children, and I am a proud GREAT Aunt to nine boys! Ha, not one girl. They are all so precious, and I love spending time with them to see them grow. It's funny how life keeps evolving and evolving with each generation just growing and growing. Something you don't think about when you are young.
So, today was a day just to be free and enjoy myself, and I did. Tomorrow I want to dive back into some Teal videos, like her shadow house 2.0, and the new one she did about finding your pain and life purpose. She's just great, she's always just one step ahead of me and I love it! I can't explain it, but it's like I feel her presence around me often, so much during the day, and it is so beautiful and so comforting to feel. It's like I know everything will be okay now that I found her, and I am back home! I still talk to her all day, sometimes saying, "hello", or "I love you", or "thank you", and I tell her the ideas I receive and the way I am growing and changing.
We are totally, really going to be the change. Thank you Universe for caring and pushing me ahead. I still have so much pain to work out, but it will be just how it should be, right here, right now. Sometimes I feel like I have to stop and really see what's happening, and pinch myself! It's exactly as it should be.
I am helping with the Boston Workshop, and I thought Teal should have flowers all around her, bouquets everywhere. Then, she just came out with a new painting, "Sunflower", and it is amazing! So much energy pops out of the picture its crazy. So, I thought instead of roses, we could put sunflowers all over! I am asking the Universe to provide us with tons of fresh Sunflowers for Teal Swan's Workshop at the Hyatt, in Cambridge, MA on August 9, 2014, and I thank you! And so it is!
I am so excited for this workshop, I sense a total different energy. More calming and peaceful for me for sure, I am thrilled to have my own space at night to sleep and wake up in! But, the cool thing is Blake and Graciela are staying in the Boston House this time. I think it's a first for them, and that in itself is awesome.
Okay, I am turning in for the night. Thank you Universe, for pushing us all to expand, to make this a better place! Namaste
Sunday, July 13, 2014
Day 18 ~ Friday
I woke up to my oldest daughter being in an amazing mood this morning, when usually she is very quiet. She told me she read the book I asked her to read, "Sara", and she loved it. It's a book about the power of attraction, but written in a story form about a young girl, Sara. It is one of the most powerful books I have read about the law of attraction, and a very easy light read. I am thrilled my daughter finished it, it could change their life immensely for sure! Sara meets an Owl, Soloman, and he teaches her the lessons about the power of attraction. Simply splendid indeed. We talked about how you would teach your two year old these lessons, and about teaching them about abundance. And Teal just made a podcast with Sarbdeep about abundance and money, and explained how children of rich parents always felt the abundance, never a lack of, and that's why they manifest it so easy! Her teachings are always in line with my life, and I thank her for that, I wonder if she's watching! Ha! She said she would! She also made a good point about money and abundance, not to limit what you want to come through money, that is limiting the way abundance will come. Someone can leave you a beautiful home on the lake, or a new Mercedes, who knows! It doesn't always have to come from money. This totally opened my eyes in manifesting, I always focused on "financial abundance", not in all forms. Now I am open to all outcomes of abundance, let it shine on me anyway it wants to!
My daughter came home from work stressed out, and upset about work. It is hard for us to change right away, that's why it is great to have others with us along the way, to help us to stay guided on our path. I know I want to live in the "Chain of Joy". I decided to go to the beach, it was a gorgeous day and I wanted to be outside in the sun and by the ocean! When I got to the beach I got to talk to my new best friend from Chicago, who lives in Wisconsin. She is going through so many changes like me, a shift in energies. We have such amazing energy together, it's crazy. We talked for a long time, and she is getting many messages about herself and her life journey from so many people, she is freakin out! It is so awesome to have others to share this journey with, to enlightenment and oneness. To see the light already within us, to push the darkness away by releasing the trauma, and integrating it within.
The beach was relaxing, but hot, I kept my face under the umbrella. I was happy all day, everyone I met was kind and friendly. I was grateful today for so many things. Grateful to not have to work and care for four small children anymore, ever. Grateful to be able to hit the beach for the day. Grateful for the changes I am making within myself, I feel such a different shift. Grateful to be able to see Teal again in Boston, and help volunteer! Grateful my son and his best friend is taking the road trip with me and will meet my Teal friends, I could go on and on it seems!! Yay
I did have a few breakdowns today in the car though. I cried over childhood stuff I was remembering, how my mom use to cry sometimes, so sad it broke my heart. And it made me scared, I never knew why she was crying. It left me feeling so scared, and so afraid, not understanding why she would freak out, and no one was there to hold me, comfort me and tell me it was going to be okay. I am glad past stuff keeps coming up like Teal said, to bring it on, so you can release those emotions, and integrate them.
Namaste
My daughter came home from work stressed out, and upset about work. It is hard for us to change right away, that's why it is great to have others with us along the way, to help us to stay guided on our path. I know I want to live in the "Chain of Joy". I decided to go to the beach, it was a gorgeous day and I wanted to be outside in the sun and by the ocean! When I got to the beach I got to talk to my new best friend from Chicago, who lives in Wisconsin. She is going through so many changes like me, a shift in energies. We have such amazing energy together, it's crazy. We talked for a long time, and she is getting many messages about herself and her life journey from so many people, she is freakin out! It is so awesome to have others to share this journey with, to enlightenment and oneness. To see the light already within us, to push the darkness away by releasing the trauma, and integrating it within.
The beach was relaxing, but hot, I kept my face under the umbrella. I was happy all day, everyone I met was kind and friendly. I was grateful today for so many things. Grateful to not have to work and care for four small children anymore, ever. Grateful to be able to hit the beach for the day. Grateful for the changes I am making within myself, I feel such a different shift. Grateful to be able to see Teal again in Boston, and help volunteer! Grateful my son and his best friend is taking the road trip with me and will meet my Teal friends, I could go on and on it seems!! Yay
I did have a few breakdowns today in the car though. I cried over childhood stuff I was remembering, how my mom use to cry sometimes, so sad it broke my heart. And it made me scared, I never knew why she was crying. It left me feeling so scared, and so afraid, not understanding why she would freak out, and no one was there to hold me, comfort me and tell me it was going to be okay. I am glad past stuff keeps coming up like Teal said, to bring it on, so you can release those emotions, and integrate them.
Namaste
Day 17 ~ Thursday
Hello
So, it's already Thursday. I will tell you I love being home! I couldn't be bored for one second anyway, there is always something to do. Or not! I still try to put myself first and see what I feel like doing in a given day. I always get on the computer, check in with my face book friends, and watch some new information from Teal. I love to keep up with all of her recent videos, etc. because she always seems to give me messages I need to hear, things I was just thinking about! It's crazy, I know. It seems as with each step, there are new questions, and new answers, and more and more information, it truly is never ending! I am still so happy waking up, still grateful to be where I am right now, definitely better than I was before. I am happy taking care of myself, and probably need to pay attention to my body more, caring for it better. I need to be doing yoga every single morning, and I haven't started yet. My body needs to stretch, and is use to stretching from being a gymnast. My pain is still here, and I am working through that. I don't always remember though to stop when I am in bad pain, lay down, and ask my pain where it is from. What does it want to tell me? I do remember at times, but still don't get answers, but maybe I should be looking for feelings instead. To see how the pain makes me feel, what does it do for me? Teal did explain that once I take care of myself, change my life, don't abandon myself, and work through my past childhood traumas, my body won't do this to me anymore. It is crying for me to stop and just be with it, and not change it, and that is what I have been working on. Accepting exactly where I am, in pain and all! But, I know now I will work through it, and I am on my way to recovery, and to peace and harmony within myself, and becoming whole.
I love my backyard, I hang out there everyday, the birds come all day to eat, and say hello, and sing, and it is magnificent! I do my work outside, read outside, everything I can! I don't remember the last time I felt so at peace, so safe, and so okay about my future, knowing the Universe has bigger things in store for me! I am ready, hear me roar! Teal said to dive into the fire, and I am doing just that, working on myself each time an issue comes up with me, but not dwelling on it or forcing it to appear. To just be, be in the moment, not having to run anywhere! I love it, and see how much I am growing each day. And I am grateful for my new journey, my new path, with Teal, Sarb, Blake, and my new/old soul family!
Namaste
Carol
So, it's already Thursday. I will tell you I love being home! I couldn't be bored for one second anyway, there is always something to do. Or not! I still try to put myself first and see what I feel like doing in a given day. I always get on the computer, check in with my face book friends, and watch some new information from Teal. I love to keep up with all of her recent videos, etc. because she always seems to give me messages I need to hear, things I was just thinking about! It's crazy, I know. It seems as with each step, there are new questions, and new answers, and more and more information, it truly is never ending! I am still so happy waking up, still grateful to be where I am right now, definitely better than I was before. I am happy taking care of myself, and probably need to pay attention to my body more, caring for it better. I need to be doing yoga every single morning, and I haven't started yet. My body needs to stretch, and is use to stretching from being a gymnast. My pain is still here, and I am working through that. I don't always remember though to stop when I am in bad pain, lay down, and ask my pain where it is from. What does it want to tell me? I do remember at times, but still don't get answers, but maybe I should be looking for feelings instead. To see how the pain makes me feel, what does it do for me? Teal did explain that once I take care of myself, change my life, don't abandon myself, and work through my past childhood traumas, my body won't do this to me anymore. It is crying for me to stop and just be with it, and not change it, and that is what I have been working on. Accepting exactly where I am, in pain and all! But, I know now I will work through it, and I am on my way to recovery, and to peace and harmony within myself, and becoming whole.
I love my backyard, I hang out there everyday, the birds come all day to eat, and say hello, and sing, and it is magnificent! I do my work outside, read outside, everything I can! I don't remember the last time I felt so at peace, so safe, and so okay about my future, knowing the Universe has bigger things in store for me! I am ready, hear me roar! Teal said to dive into the fire, and I am doing just that, working on myself each time an issue comes up with me, but not dwelling on it or forcing it to appear. To just be, be in the moment, not having to run anywhere! I love it, and see how much I am growing each day. And I am grateful for my new journey, my new path, with Teal, Sarb, Blake, and my new/old soul family!
Namaste
Carol
Saturday, July 12, 2014
Day 16 ~ Wednesday ~
Namaste
I watched the video again last night from Teal's Workshop in Chicago. I learn so much each time I watch it, and I only have watched it three times. The first two times were so emotional, I cried so much and one night went to bed depressed. But, last night wasn't as depressing, I really caught so many more things she told me.
She explained why I was in my pain, because my body wants to rest, and wants me to become whole by integrating my past childhood pain. Well, how the heck are we suppose to know this if no one ever explains this to us? Do you know how many years I have felt this pain? Since I left College, way back then. She said I had a lot of trauma growing up, more than I even remember. She said I was afraid to "feel", good or bad emotions. She explained that I even have resistance to positive emotions, because as a child, when I got excited about something, it was crushed down by my parents, them not liking how excited I was. Now I can see how I kept getting this feeling from my ex husband, every time I got overly excited about something, he would tell me to calm down, like raining on my parade.
She explained how I have been a victim my entire life, and a slave driver because that is what I saw my Mother do. She explained how the way I have been handling my life is, "self abuse". I am abandoning myself each day I would push myself to take care of others a lot, and along with being a nanny and caring for four small children.
As I look back and watch the video, I realize everything she told me, I already knew. The little voice in my head, my spirit guides, were always telling me how to take care of myself, and I didn't listen. I didn't listen due to fear and worry about money, how will I pay for things and care for my children? I thought I had no other options and the Universe wouldn't send me the life I wanted to live. Then, by watching Teal's video's about self love, manifesting, following our joy, and how we came here to be happy, I started to tell the Universe what I wanted. Which was to stay home everyday and write for financial abundance. I realized how much I love to stay home, I am a homey, and would love a money to flow while I was doing that. And, I love to write, I have been writing in a journal since I have been 18 years old, my first pain from something my ex did. So, I told the Universe I want to stay home and write, and that will bring me financial abundance. And look how the Universe worked for me, Teal told me to stay home, rest, and take care of myself, and I needed to change my entire life to become whole. So, when I arrived home, I knew I had to leave my job, but telling my boss would be the hard part, of course worrying about them more than me. To my surprise, when she called me Tuesday to check in, I told her I had to leave. I cried my eyes out to her, explaining how bad my pain has been, how I have been ignoring it, and can't anymore. She was so understanding and caring it shocked me. She explained how they care about me, and want me to feel better and be free of pain. See how the Universe works in our favor when we do the right thing by caring for ourselves? It takes care of it for us. She even told me not to come in anymore, to take the week off and she will pay me. Wow, what a blessing and relief that was to hear. It made me feel so supported and understood, she is such a beautiful soul, along with her sister and their kids. These children are the best in the world. They have so much love in their heart, and they blessed me with their love each and every day. I am so blessed to be able to care for them, and will miss them so. I feel I need to rest though.
Teal explained how ill my body was and explained how she works with terminally ill patients, and I would be considered "terminally ill" energetically. I cried. That hit home really hard. Then she asked me, "doesn't it feel that way?" And I replied no, then yes when I was vomiting for two days. Honestly, it has felt that way, my pain has felt so bad for so many years, I felt the energy depleting each day, feeling more and more drained. But, of course I just kept keeping on. Did I think it would eventually kill me soon? No, I did not take it that seriously, but she made it perfectly clear on stage how serious it was. To take a few months off to care for myself is better than manifesting something worse, and leaving this place too soon, not wanting my kids to live without me.
She explained how I have so many triggers, mainly my children, but when I feel that emotion to try to take that energy and go inside and see where it stems from. I usually remembered to do that, which is great. I keep getting the same images, as I explained to her on stage, but she explained to keep going there, when it is time, more visions will come. She was my "Mother Willow" guiding me to a life of oneness, of becoming whole, as she put it, "this pain can transform you more than you know". I am excited to see where my path will lead, I am so happy in my heart every single day, in a way I haven't felt before. I am love, I am loved, and I want all beings to be free from suffering! But, it is a process like she says, one of diving into those emotions, into the eye of the fire, to set ourselves free!!
Love and Light Always ~
I watched the video again last night from Teal's Workshop in Chicago. I learn so much each time I watch it, and I only have watched it three times. The first two times were so emotional, I cried so much and one night went to bed depressed. But, last night wasn't as depressing, I really caught so many more things she told me.
She explained why I was in my pain, because my body wants to rest, and wants me to become whole by integrating my past childhood pain. Well, how the heck are we suppose to know this if no one ever explains this to us? Do you know how many years I have felt this pain? Since I left College, way back then. She said I had a lot of trauma growing up, more than I even remember. She said I was afraid to "feel", good or bad emotions. She explained that I even have resistance to positive emotions, because as a child, when I got excited about something, it was crushed down by my parents, them not liking how excited I was. Now I can see how I kept getting this feeling from my ex husband, every time I got overly excited about something, he would tell me to calm down, like raining on my parade.
She explained how I have been a victim my entire life, and a slave driver because that is what I saw my Mother do. She explained how the way I have been handling my life is, "self abuse". I am abandoning myself each day I would push myself to take care of others a lot, and along with being a nanny and caring for four small children.
As I look back and watch the video, I realize everything she told me, I already knew. The little voice in my head, my spirit guides, were always telling me how to take care of myself, and I didn't listen. I didn't listen due to fear and worry about money, how will I pay for things and care for my children? I thought I had no other options and the Universe wouldn't send me the life I wanted to live. Then, by watching Teal's video's about self love, manifesting, following our joy, and how we came here to be happy, I started to tell the Universe what I wanted. Which was to stay home everyday and write for financial abundance. I realized how much I love to stay home, I am a homey, and would love a money to flow while I was doing that. And, I love to write, I have been writing in a journal since I have been 18 years old, my first pain from something my ex did. So, I told the Universe I want to stay home and write, and that will bring me financial abundance. And look how the Universe worked for me, Teal told me to stay home, rest, and take care of myself, and I needed to change my entire life to become whole. So, when I arrived home, I knew I had to leave my job, but telling my boss would be the hard part, of course worrying about them more than me. To my surprise, when she called me Tuesday to check in, I told her I had to leave. I cried my eyes out to her, explaining how bad my pain has been, how I have been ignoring it, and can't anymore. She was so understanding and caring it shocked me. She explained how they care about me, and want me to feel better and be free of pain. See how the Universe works in our favor when we do the right thing by caring for ourselves? It takes care of it for us. She even told me not to come in anymore, to take the week off and she will pay me. Wow, what a blessing and relief that was to hear. It made me feel so supported and understood, she is such a beautiful soul, along with her sister and their kids. These children are the best in the world. They have so much love in their heart, and they blessed me with their love each and every day. I am so blessed to be able to care for them, and will miss them so. I feel I need to rest though.
Teal explained how ill my body was and explained how she works with terminally ill patients, and I would be considered "terminally ill" energetically. I cried. That hit home really hard. Then she asked me, "doesn't it feel that way?" And I replied no, then yes when I was vomiting for two days. Honestly, it has felt that way, my pain has felt so bad for so many years, I felt the energy depleting each day, feeling more and more drained. But, of course I just kept keeping on. Did I think it would eventually kill me soon? No, I did not take it that seriously, but she made it perfectly clear on stage how serious it was. To take a few months off to care for myself is better than manifesting something worse, and leaving this place too soon, not wanting my kids to live without me.
She explained how I have so many triggers, mainly my children, but when I feel that emotion to try to take that energy and go inside and see where it stems from. I usually remembered to do that, which is great. I keep getting the same images, as I explained to her on stage, but she explained to keep going there, when it is time, more visions will come. She was my "Mother Willow" guiding me to a life of oneness, of becoming whole, as she put it, "this pain can transform you more than you know". I am excited to see where my path will lead, I am so happy in my heart every single day, in a way I haven't felt before. I am love, I am loved, and I want all beings to be free from suffering! But, it is a process like she says, one of diving into those emotions, into the eye of the fire, to set ourselves free!!
Love and Light Always ~
Tuesday, July 8, 2014
Day 15 ~ Tuesday
So, this will be week three being home from Teal's Workshop in Chicago. Checking in with my feelings, I am still pretty good. I wake up happy every day, grateful to be where I am, remembering just to "be". Just to let the day flow, purposely not making plans, so I can just "be". I putz around in the garden, water the plants and make some tea in the morning. I usually enjoy checking in on Face book, to see how my Teal friends are doing, and my family. I give advice if I can, and support the ones I know. I always like to keep up with Teal's new information, her blog, her Saturday "Ask Teal Episodes", and "Tea Time with Teal", with Teal and Sarbdeep every Wednesdays. It seems as if she is reading my mind, because everything she puts out there, is something I was just asking myself about. It's like I ask, and she answers. I say hello to her all day, and thank her as well. She has become a large part of my life in spirit, like a guide helping me on this journey, that is so well needed. I ask my spirit guides for help each and every day and feel their loving guidance as well.
I laid around today, the girls went to tan at their Dad's. It use to bother me when they left, feeling so left out, and now it's okay. I am okay with staying home, energizing and doing anything I want. Not telling myself what I "should" be doing, just doing whatever I feel like at any given moment. It is easy to do this when you don't have obligations to run to every day, such as work, work, work, etc. I always have too many things I want to do anyway. I took some colored pencils out and tried to finish a Mandala I started in Chicago. I love art, I love to create, to draw, paint, write, anything. It is so fun to express your soul in that way, and when you are in that state, it is one of pure joy. I would love to be able to paint with vibrations like some other artists do. I am starting now to take some time to work on the creative projects I have wanted to get done, like framing the kids pictures I bought frames for, like putting together a scrapbook for them, and painting some old furniture I have white.
It was a really hot day here today, I couldn't even sit out back all day like I love to do. I bring my books, computer, etc. and do all my work outside now, all the time. So, I stayed in, and after coloring with the pencils, my daughter and I took a ride to run some errands. I came home, made some dinner for myself and laid down a few minutes and decided to do some work and watch the video of me on stage with Teal in Chicago. This time it was not as emotional for me. Each time I see it, I learn so much more. I talk too much, I am so nervous and talk with my hands. She said so much to me, it was crazy. She told me I was lucky, my pain is giving me the opportunity for major expansion, if I can open myself up to be in the pain, and just be with it. She said the Universe wants me to become whole so much, it is doing this to me so I will stay home and care for myself. Accept the pain I am in and not run from it like I have been doing, by just wanting to be "healed". I shouldn't and I can't should be phrases I no longer use. Maybe the Universe is giving me the opportunity to integrate my past childhood pain so I can become whole. Wow, how beautiful, how amazing. Who knew the Universe worked this way and cared so much about us to become whole it will do anything to throw it in our face to, "wake us up". Yes, for sure. She taught me so much that day, I will be forever grateful. How someone would take the time, to help you realize your pain, and walk you through it, just to help you heal, and become whole, and further expand the Universe!
Each day I am releasing past pain. Either visions come out of nowhere, or I get upset about something and I stop myself and realize the Universe is setting me up to integrate some old painful memory or feeling. I am also aware of my triggers, and take that energy like Teal said, and go within and see where it is coming from. It definitely becomes easier the more you go with your feelings. It seems to work pretty well, I can get to that place of pain and sadness, cry, then it goes away. Teal said I was afraid to feel, to feel pain and positive emotion. Every time I would get excited about something as a child, it was knocked down by mother, crushing my joy and hope. I do remember her always telling me when I was so happy about something, "Don't count your chickens before they are hatched!" I use to hate when she said that, when I felt we had to dream to have what we wanted. So, Teal said it is hard for me to stay in a vibration of positive focus, due to my past experiences of feeling joy. I will no longer be a victim of feeling, feeling anything, pain or joy. I am now free to feel however I am feeling at the moment, and accept that feeling, and allowing it to just be. I will not push it aside any longer, abandoning myself as I did, for most of my life. My life has to change, and the time is now, or I will not be able to live a joyful, blissful life with my children, family and loved ones. Teal was very serious about many things she said to me, and one was about changing my life drastically, which I did by quitting my job, and the next step is my children moving into their own place, and spreading their wings to fly like they can not wait to do. It is ok, it is time!
I am no longer afraid to live, I no longer live in fear of the future. I live in the moment, following my joy, seeing what each moment brings, and always being with myself first. Always checking in with my feelings, and what I really want to do.
I am learning so much, and feel so free, thanks to you, Teal Swan! I am forever grateful!
Namaste ~
I laid around today, the girls went to tan at their Dad's. It use to bother me when they left, feeling so left out, and now it's okay. I am okay with staying home, energizing and doing anything I want. Not telling myself what I "should" be doing, just doing whatever I feel like at any given moment. It is easy to do this when you don't have obligations to run to every day, such as work, work, work, etc. I always have too many things I want to do anyway. I took some colored pencils out and tried to finish a Mandala I started in Chicago. I love art, I love to create, to draw, paint, write, anything. It is so fun to express your soul in that way, and when you are in that state, it is one of pure joy. I would love to be able to paint with vibrations like some other artists do. I am starting now to take some time to work on the creative projects I have wanted to get done, like framing the kids pictures I bought frames for, like putting together a scrapbook for them, and painting some old furniture I have white.
It was a really hot day here today, I couldn't even sit out back all day like I love to do. I bring my books, computer, etc. and do all my work outside now, all the time. So, I stayed in, and after coloring with the pencils, my daughter and I took a ride to run some errands. I came home, made some dinner for myself and laid down a few minutes and decided to do some work and watch the video of me on stage with Teal in Chicago. This time it was not as emotional for me. Each time I see it, I learn so much more. I talk too much, I am so nervous and talk with my hands. She said so much to me, it was crazy. She told me I was lucky, my pain is giving me the opportunity for major expansion, if I can open myself up to be in the pain, and just be with it. She said the Universe wants me to become whole so much, it is doing this to me so I will stay home and care for myself. Accept the pain I am in and not run from it like I have been doing, by just wanting to be "healed". I shouldn't and I can't should be phrases I no longer use. Maybe the Universe is giving me the opportunity to integrate my past childhood pain so I can become whole. Wow, how beautiful, how amazing. Who knew the Universe worked this way and cared so much about us to become whole it will do anything to throw it in our face to, "wake us up". Yes, for sure. She taught me so much that day, I will be forever grateful. How someone would take the time, to help you realize your pain, and walk you through it, just to help you heal, and become whole, and further expand the Universe!
Each day I am releasing past pain. Either visions come out of nowhere, or I get upset about something and I stop myself and realize the Universe is setting me up to integrate some old painful memory or feeling. I am also aware of my triggers, and take that energy like Teal said, and go within and see where it is coming from. It definitely becomes easier the more you go with your feelings. It seems to work pretty well, I can get to that place of pain and sadness, cry, then it goes away. Teal said I was afraid to feel, to feel pain and positive emotion. Every time I would get excited about something as a child, it was knocked down by mother, crushing my joy and hope. I do remember her always telling me when I was so happy about something, "Don't count your chickens before they are hatched!" I use to hate when she said that, when I felt we had to dream to have what we wanted. So, Teal said it is hard for me to stay in a vibration of positive focus, due to my past experiences of feeling joy. I will no longer be a victim of feeling, feeling anything, pain or joy. I am now free to feel however I am feeling at the moment, and accept that feeling, and allowing it to just be. I will not push it aside any longer, abandoning myself as I did, for most of my life. My life has to change, and the time is now, or I will not be able to live a joyful, blissful life with my children, family and loved ones. Teal was very serious about many things she said to me, and one was about changing my life drastically, which I did by quitting my job, and the next step is my children moving into their own place, and spreading their wings to fly like they can not wait to do. It is ok, it is time!
I am no longer afraid to live, I no longer live in fear of the future. I live in the moment, following my joy, seeing what each moment brings, and always being with myself first. Always checking in with my feelings, and what I really want to do.
I am learning so much, and feel so free, thanks to you, Teal Swan! I am forever grateful!
Namaste ~
Monday, July 7, 2014
Monday ~ Day 14
So, I have been home two weeks since Teal's Workshop. As I am re evaluating my feelings and where I am at emotionally, I have to say I still am in a state of transformation. My thoughts are still positive, my heart is filled with love, and I am actually excited to see what the future will bring to me. I am open to all possibilities, and have been so busy each day. It's like I have the chance to play "catch up" with my life, and have so much to catch up on. Projects I wanted to do, and felt I didn't have the time. Even things like getting new tires for my car, I have put off for months, but not today, my car is in the shop as we speak getting some TLC for a change! I have had my car for five years, and never put new tires on it, buying them used all the time. And my car starts to vibrate over 70 miles an hour, which hasn't made me feel very safe! (But, I ask the Angels to put a bubble of white light around me and protect me each time I travel)
I am learning so many new lessons on self love and each day am clearer and clearer about where I need to be and my living arrangements.
I have thoughts of inviting a few woman who follow Teal as I do, to maybe living in this house here with me, and each paying rent. This home is large, it's a four bedroom 100 year old home with a large lemonade porch in the front of the home. I have been here four years, and my landlord hasn't raised the rent since. As I just started to look to move again, everything is so overpriced its ridiculous. I would only benefit if I went to a one bedroom or studio, which I still will have to pay over $1,000 for. If I have other room mates in this house, I would pay a few hundred less, would have much more space, and the fun and love of others around. I would definitely be picky on who lived with me, they would have to be a kind, loving, like minded soul like me, and like my old friend I just found again in Chicago.
So, this week I plan on concentrating on working on my self, staying in touch with all of Teal's new video's, and her interviews that I missed, cleansing each room, and starting a project with some furniture I have, sanding it and painting it white. I also get my other reading in here and there, because there is so much I want to get read.
Today is very hot, I was outside all morning, but had to come in due to the heat. Tomorrow I think I may hit the beach, missing it already. I also want to find a town pool or lake that I can join, so I have a place to hit the water, lay outside in the fresh air, and say hello to the sun. All is good, I am happy, and I am blessed!
Namaste ~
I am learning so many new lessons on self love and each day am clearer and clearer about where I need to be and my living arrangements.
I have thoughts of inviting a few woman who follow Teal as I do, to maybe living in this house here with me, and each paying rent. This home is large, it's a four bedroom 100 year old home with a large lemonade porch in the front of the home. I have been here four years, and my landlord hasn't raised the rent since. As I just started to look to move again, everything is so overpriced its ridiculous. I would only benefit if I went to a one bedroom or studio, which I still will have to pay over $1,000 for. If I have other room mates in this house, I would pay a few hundred less, would have much more space, and the fun and love of others around. I would definitely be picky on who lived with me, they would have to be a kind, loving, like minded soul like me, and like my old friend I just found again in Chicago.
So, this week I plan on concentrating on working on my self, staying in touch with all of Teal's new video's, and her interviews that I missed, cleansing each room, and starting a project with some furniture I have, sanding it and painting it white. I also get my other reading in here and there, because there is so much I want to get read.
Today is very hot, I was outside all morning, but had to come in due to the heat. Tomorrow I think I may hit the beach, missing it already. I also want to find a town pool or lake that I can join, so I have a place to hit the water, lay outside in the fresh air, and say hello to the sun. All is good, I am happy, and I am blessed!
Namaste ~
Sunday ~ Day 13
Hello, another gorgeous day we had! The most perfect weather, cool breeze, sun was hot though. My brothers wife was having her friend over to swim and eat today, and she invited me, how sweet she is. She always makes me feel so loved, I was thinking how glad I am that my brother married her and they found each other. I told her that also today, and she was grateful. She's a hard working woman, cooking for everyone and not asking for help. I arrived later than everyone, but enjoyed being outside all day, and being with her and her company. My brother was working, but got home around 5:00. I stayed until 7:00 then wanted to get home for the fireworks. I love them, they are so beautiful, but if they are bad for the environment, then they should not be allowed.
I still have a lot of work to do on myself, but will take care of that tomorrow. I need to watch the video again from the workshop, because it brings so many emotions to me, and helps me to release the past pain. There are still so much pain that comes up from my childhood, feeling so unloved, and feeling like no one cared. I noticed I say that a lot to myself during the day at home, how no one cares about me, and things that should be done are not. Then, I finally realized its a trigger for me, to go back into my child and integrate those feelings within. There is so much pain going back, but I know it's work I have to do, but I do not seem to be in that painful place very long, I cry a bit, and then it's gone. I always seem to come back to a loving, grateful, joyous place.
I love being home, not having to work every day, just being able to do whatever it is I want to do. It still is an awesome feeling for me, and I still have no worries about financial abundance. I am trusting in the Universe to take over for me, and just flow downstream with the current this time. To be so free, that whatever happens I will accept and go with, and see what lesson it is I need to learn.
Love and Light always ~ Namaste
I still have a lot of work to do on myself, but will take care of that tomorrow. I need to watch the video again from the workshop, because it brings so many emotions to me, and helps me to release the past pain. There are still so much pain that comes up from my childhood, feeling so unloved, and feeling like no one cared. I noticed I say that a lot to myself during the day at home, how no one cares about me, and things that should be done are not. Then, I finally realized its a trigger for me, to go back into my child and integrate those feelings within. There is so much pain going back, but I know it's work I have to do, but I do not seem to be in that painful place very long, I cry a bit, and then it's gone. I always seem to come back to a loving, grateful, joyous place.
I love being home, not having to work every day, just being able to do whatever it is I want to do. It still is an awesome feeling for me, and I still have no worries about financial abundance. I am trusting in the Universe to take over for me, and just flow downstream with the current this time. To be so free, that whatever happens I will accept and go with, and see what lesson it is I need to learn.
Love and Light always ~ Namaste
Sunday, July 6, 2014
Day 12 ~ Saturday
Hello again!
Wow, what a beautiful day it has been, I am so very blessed and lucky to have been able to enjoy the day on the beach with my special niece, her honey, and her two young boys. It was a perfect day on the beach with no humidity. Now, driving down the shore I stay away from the Garden State Parkway, and I take the Turnpike to Route 18, where I grew up,and then the beach. It is much less stressful, less crowded, and is only about 10-15 minutes longer, but worth it to me now, as I do not care for driving at all. I played ball with my nephew, ran in the water with them, and walked the beach. My niece and I talked about my new journey, and how I am learning along the way to love myself, and let go of my children, let go of the mothering I had, its different, over, and done now. If we all took care of ourselves, and put our own feelings first, knowing how to love ourselves first, I feel then there would be peace in the world and major social change. I am excited for that, we are talking about a new world order, one based on abundance, not fear and worry. I have faith this will happen, with enough of us becoming more aware and conscious of this. We also talked about family, and feeling how some of my family just wants their own inner circle, and that's just okay, but different for us. But, I have many family members now who like their privacy, and don't want us inside, and that's fine, just different for me. Thinks have been changing with my family a lot, since my parent's passed and a few of us have gotten divorced.
My nieces new boyfriend is great, he told me when they have a place, I am welcome all the time. I love him, I do, and I love them together, he is a wonderful, loving, thoughtful man, and is loving my nieces two sons unconditionally. When my niece left, I decided to stay, and did not want to leave, it was the most perfect day. I am feeling blessed and grateful to have such beautiful family to enjoy the day with, and just be around. Thank you Universe for that.
On the way home I stopped at a store for a new dress for the Workshop I will be attending of Teal Swan's in Boston. My legs aren't attractive anymore, so I bought two long dresses which I am not use to wearing. I love them, it's the "new" me, I feel like a hippy again. I realized the dresses I have are tight fitting and I don't always want to wear tight dresses any longer, my taste is changing so much. Sometimes people stare and it becomes annoying, thinking how we are not our body at all, but our heart and soul. The tighter dresses are nice to wear out at night, but not running around all day like I wore them last summer. It's funny, this summer I have changed so much and barely like my clothes from last summer. This is really one of the first times this has happened to me, I usually love my summer clothes, wearing them year from year. I was happy I stopped at the store, and found some new clothes for my trip. Wow, this is the way we are meant to live our life, treating ourselves special, and knowing the Universe knows this, and will bring anything we want to us, It doesn't get much better than that.
I have noticed I attract much more kind, loving people now, ever since I have been back from Chicago. Everywhere I go, people have been so nice and friendly. While walking on the streets, most people make eye contact now, it's really nice to connect, realizing how unconnected I have felt for years.
I got home late from the beach, around 9:30 pm. I was going to do some inner work, but was too tired, and decided to take a much needed bath instead. It was heavenly. I went to be with a big smile on my face.
Namaste ~
Wow, what a beautiful day it has been, I am so very blessed and lucky to have been able to enjoy the day on the beach with my special niece, her honey, and her two young boys. It was a perfect day on the beach with no humidity. Now, driving down the shore I stay away from the Garden State Parkway, and I take the Turnpike to Route 18, where I grew up,and then the beach. It is much less stressful, less crowded, and is only about 10-15 minutes longer, but worth it to me now, as I do not care for driving at all. I played ball with my nephew, ran in the water with them, and walked the beach. My niece and I talked about my new journey, and how I am learning along the way to love myself, and let go of my children, let go of the mothering I had, its different, over, and done now. If we all took care of ourselves, and put our own feelings first, knowing how to love ourselves first, I feel then there would be peace in the world and major social change. I am excited for that, we are talking about a new world order, one based on abundance, not fear and worry. I have faith this will happen, with enough of us becoming more aware and conscious of this. We also talked about family, and feeling how some of my family just wants their own inner circle, and that's just okay, but different for us. But, I have many family members now who like their privacy, and don't want us inside, and that's fine, just different for me. Thinks have been changing with my family a lot, since my parent's passed and a few of us have gotten divorced.
My nieces new boyfriend is great, he told me when they have a place, I am welcome all the time. I love him, I do, and I love them together, he is a wonderful, loving, thoughtful man, and is loving my nieces two sons unconditionally. When my niece left, I decided to stay, and did not want to leave, it was the most perfect day. I am feeling blessed and grateful to have such beautiful family to enjoy the day with, and just be around. Thank you Universe for that.
On the way home I stopped at a store for a new dress for the Workshop I will be attending of Teal Swan's in Boston. My legs aren't attractive anymore, so I bought two long dresses which I am not use to wearing. I love them, it's the "new" me, I feel like a hippy again. I realized the dresses I have are tight fitting and I don't always want to wear tight dresses any longer, my taste is changing so much. Sometimes people stare and it becomes annoying, thinking how we are not our body at all, but our heart and soul. The tighter dresses are nice to wear out at night, but not running around all day like I wore them last summer. It's funny, this summer I have changed so much and barely like my clothes from last summer. This is really one of the first times this has happened to me, I usually love my summer clothes, wearing them year from year. I was happy I stopped at the store, and found some new clothes for my trip. Wow, this is the way we are meant to live our life, treating ourselves special, and knowing the Universe knows this, and will bring anything we want to us, It doesn't get much better than that.
I have noticed I attract much more kind, loving people now, ever since I have been back from Chicago. Everywhere I go, people have been so nice and friendly. While walking on the streets, most people make eye contact now, it's really nice to connect, realizing how unconnected I have felt for years.
I got home late from the beach, around 9:30 pm. I was going to do some inner work, but was too tired, and decided to take a much needed bath instead. It was heavenly. I went to be with a big smile on my face.
Namaste ~
Friday, July 4, 2014
Day 11 ~ Friday
Good morning!
Today is the fourth of July, but its a rainy day and the parade's were all cancelled. We had a storm last night, the rain was crazy, but with it left a beautiful cold front, a much needed relief.
My pain is a little calmer, but still so much in pain. I am going to get to work today on myself by watching some of Teal's videos regarding pain, and watching the Chicago Workshop again. If my pain is past trauma childhood emotions, than it only makes sense to go there when I truly am in serious pain. So, I did so some work today and realized how much my parents argued, and how scared I always felt as a child, scared and unsafe. Supposedly, these are good things, good these feelings arose. So much more to get to, I think, but it's all good! Good to be growing, changing, and integrating the new.
It was a rainy day so I stayed in this morning and got on the computer. Then went to the store with my daughter, we had a nice time. We were all off today due to it being July 4th, so I cooked dinner. We made different food, my daughter helped. I bought corn on the cob and wanted to do something with it so my daughter created a cold corn salad with black beans, chic peas and avocado and it was great! I also made turnips with parsley, garlic and onions and it was great too! We had a nice, calm, bonding dinner, thank you for that.
Today was the first day I felt my daughters embraced my higher vibration and enjoyed it, instead of fighting it. They were happier, lighter and more free, having more fun, being laid back. It's a nice sigh of relief for a change!
Then I see l posting quotes on face book, about everyone being a mirror, and I still wonder about the complaining and negativity my daughters and I still have. Where does it comes from? Maybe it's a journey back to knowing, to remembering who we are, and a process. I always wanted to learn and do things instantly, never wanting to take the long road. But, with this, I see I need patience, and growth takes time, like a life time, and never seems to stop. As long as I keep feeling this way, I am on my way to true recovery, to a life filled with joy and bliss, doing what I want, when I want, along with the financial abundance I want so I can have the freedom to experience anything I want. Anything like traveling to any oasis place I want, the beach, the Ocean, London, Italy, France, Greece, anywhere I want to visit. I want to never have to worry about paying a bill, or a place to live, and want loved ones around me all of the time. I want peace, love, happiness and health. I want my children around me, family, loved ones, I want to feel the love and connection of others.
Namaste ~
Today is the fourth of July, but its a rainy day and the parade's were all cancelled. We had a storm last night, the rain was crazy, but with it left a beautiful cold front, a much needed relief.
My pain is a little calmer, but still so much in pain. I am going to get to work today on myself by watching some of Teal's videos regarding pain, and watching the Chicago Workshop again. If my pain is past trauma childhood emotions, than it only makes sense to go there when I truly am in serious pain. So, I did so some work today and realized how much my parents argued, and how scared I always felt as a child, scared and unsafe. Supposedly, these are good things, good these feelings arose. So much more to get to, I think, but it's all good! Good to be growing, changing, and integrating the new.
It was a rainy day so I stayed in this morning and got on the computer. Then went to the store with my daughter, we had a nice time. We were all off today due to it being July 4th, so I cooked dinner. We made different food, my daughter helped. I bought corn on the cob and wanted to do something with it so my daughter created a cold corn salad with black beans, chic peas and avocado and it was great! I also made turnips with parsley, garlic and onions and it was great too! We had a nice, calm, bonding dinner, thank you for that.
Today was the first day I felt my daughters embraced my higher vibration and enjoyed it, instead of fighting it. They were happier, lighter and more free, having more fun, being laid back. It's a nice sigh of relief for a change!
Then I see l posting quotes on face book, about everyone being a mirror, and I still wonder about the complaining and negativity my daughters and I still have. Where does it comes from? Maybe it's a journey back to knowing, to remembering who we are, and a process. I always wanted to learn and do things instantly, never wanting to take the long road. But, with this, I see I need patience, and growth takes time, like a life time, and never seems to stop. As long as I keep feeling this way, I am on my way to true recovery, to a life filled with joy and bliss, doing what I want, when I want, along with the financial abundance I want so I can have the freedom to experience anything I want. Anything like traveling to any oasis place I want, the beach, the Ocean, London, Italy, France, Greece, anywhere I want to visit. I want to never have to worry about paying a bill, or a place to live, and want loved ones around me all of the time. I want peace, love, happiness and health. I want my children around me, family, loved ones, I want to feel the love and connection of others.
Namaste ~
Day 10 ~ Thursday
Hello ~
I had a really tough day today. It's about 90 degrees today and I feel so drained and am in so much pain. So, I took it easy all day, laying around and getting small cleaning projects done and cleaned all the cans out of the cabinets to give to the food bank. We rarely use can food any more, and there are food banks to help those in need. The cleansing is really important for me now, I just feel it. It's so important to cleanse, keep your home clutter free, etc., it releases that old stagnant energy and allows for the new. I know it's hard to do this when your vibration isn't very high, but it is so rewarding and so worth pushing ourselves to do. I never realized how important it was until now. And also sage to cleanse our energies too. I usually sage once a week, but when there are arguments and a lot of negative energy around, I try to sage more.
I decided to try to see where my pain was coming from, so I laid on the bed and listened to Teal's video on "Healing the emotional body". Well, I passed out watching it, feeling so drained from the heat. I feel very sleepy, and out of it today. Before bed I tried to watch the video again, and passed out during it again. I don't understand the pain in my body, but Teal's advice was that it is emotional, and she asked me on stage if I had gone into the pain and asked it why it is there. I have done this many times, and I seem to get feelings of not feeling loved and being lonely. So with that, I am suppose to dive deep down to the experiences that caused me to feel this way. This is what I am currently working on, finding out the root of my pain.
I still seem to be in a happy place, a feeling of contentment, peace and love fills my heart. I know I did not feel this love in my heart as much before being in Chicago, it is amazing how someone can make changes in other peoples energy by being around them, and healing them.
Feeling loved and blessed ~
I had a really tough day today. It's about 90 degrees today and I feel so drained and am in so much pain. So, I took it easy all day, laying around and getting small cleaning projects done and cleaned all the cans out of the cabinets to give to the food bank. We rarely use can food any more, and there are food banks to help those in need. The cleansing is really important for me now, I just feel it. It's so important to cleanse, keep your home clutter free, etc., it releases that old stagnant energy and allows for the new. I know it's hard to do this when your vibration isn't very high, but it is so rewarding and so worth pushing ourselves to do. I never realized how important it was until now. And also sage to cleanse our energies too. I usually sage once a week, but when there are arguments and a lot of negative energy around, I try to sage more.
I decided to try to see where my pain was coming from, so I laid on the bed and listened to Teal's video on "Healing the emotional body". Well, I passed out watching it, feeling so drained from the heat. I feel very sleepy, and out of it today. Before bed I tried to watch the video again, and passed out during it again. I don't understand the pain in my body, but Teal's advice was that it is emotional, and she asked me on stage if I had gone into the pain and asked it why it is there. I have done this many times, and I seem to get feelings of not feeling loved and being lonely. So with that, I am suppose to dive deep down to the experiences that caused me to feel this way. This is what I am currently working on, finding out the root of my pain.
I still seem to be in a happy place, a feeling of contentment, peace and love fills my heart. I know I did not feel this love in my heart as much before being in Chicago, it is amazing how someone can make changes in other peoples energy by being around them, and healing them.
Feeling loved and blessed ~
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